Gloomy Gussy is gone!

A wonderful thing happened today! I got rid of Gloomy Gussy! Gloomy Gussy is the part of me that is always seeing the worst in everything, and always looking for the worst. I really don't like her, and now, I have decided to run her off. This afternoon, Martin had a meeting with the powers that be, and was told that he had to commit to going into his old classroom and they wanted the commitment TODAY! He told them that he was aware of their request, but would not commit to anything until he had spoken to his attorney. I have been upset since yesterday when he told me that there was going to be a meeting, and by this afternoon, my stomach was a wreck and my head was pounding. I didn't sleep last night, and today, I was tired and all out of sorts. Tomorrow we see the cardiologist, and today the attorney asked us to come in for a meeting the same time as the cardiology appointment. Little Joe has learned to throw a screaming temper fit, which by the way, he is excellent at, and everything was piling up on me. Nanamie came over to see the baby, and usually when she does, we go get dinner somewhere with Becky and Little Joe. I told them to go on without me, and boy did I get blasted! Nanamie said that she wanted to know why I always wanted to stay home when they were going out, and Becky told me it was rude for me to send them off like that. I told them my stomach hurt, and they told me that I didn't have to eat, just spend time with them, and Little Joe continued to scream at the top of his lungs. (Seems he has discovered that he can make lots of noise, and seems to enjoy doing so!) So, I went. For the entire time we were at the restaurant, I got a stern lecture about how I was letting things ruin my life. Becky said she didn't even know who I was anymore, because I was always so sad, and she missed my sunny personality, not to mention that I am going bald with worry! Nanamie really shamed me. She said that she could not understand how I, of all people, someone closer to Heavenly Father than anyone she had ever known, didn't have more faith in him. "Why are you so worried? You of all people know to trust the Man Upstairs!" she said. They both reminded me that the trials were here one way or another, and it is how I take them on that will define my happiness in life. I began to see myself through their eyes. I am stronger than the woman I have become. I can enjoy each day, no matter what is happening or coming my way. Best of all, I can sit back and appreciate how Heavenly Father will help me through all of this, and be amazed at the fact that he trusts me to do the right thing. It is not just for me either. I have lots of people who look at me to set the tone for these trials. By the time dinner was done, I had thrown off the shackles of dispair and fear, and come roaring into the light in joy and anticipation.

Martin will lose his job, but if that means he can be home and recuperate, then I am thankful. I can do this! As each blessing comes my way, I will gladly apply it to the appropriate situation, and know that I am not alone and can appreciate the way that Heavenly Father will orchestrate the outcome.

So, Gloomy Gussy is gone. I proudly proclaimed this to my son Aaron, and he said "are you sure Mama?" I said, "you bet I am!" He said, "what about when dad no longer has a job?" I said, "no problem, I am still not going to be depressed" He quietly said, "Mama, what about if the doctor says that they can't do any more for Daddy?" I told him that I refuse to give Gloomy Gussy any more power over my life. I will handle it. I may not want that to happen, but I am not going to suffer more because I cannot pull out of dispair. It would be hard enough just to have him leave me. Again, lots of people will be watching how I react during this time, and I am going to remember who I am and what I stand for. So, goodbye Gloomy Gussy! I will not miss you!