Church family

When I had my first two children, I realized that I wanted a large family. Seeing the larger numbers of children in many church families, I decided that I would like to have 10 kids. I could just imagine how it would be with all 10 of my children and Martin and I sitting together in church, a perfect family with perfectly behaved children. I would bask in the admiration as people wondered how I was such a wonderful mother and wife, how my kids were squeaky clean and perfectly dressed in the clothes that I lovingly handmade for them. We would fill up an entire church pew, my husband, 10 kids and me.

Yeah, whatever! As it was, I had 5 kids within 7 3/4 years. 3 are living, and two of them live close by with their families. One lives far away with his family. When they were little, it was more than enough that I had 5. First of all, Martin and I could not sit together in church, as we had to police the kids. He sat on one end and I sat on the other. I became an expert at nursing somebody without having to leave, as for most of the time I had a baby to feed. Just throw the blanket over your shoulder and go to it. Good thing we both have long arms, because we were able to reach all of them, even those in the middle if they misbehaved. Which, of course, was all the time. They were as clean as I could get them. I did manage to bathe them everyday, but that didn't keep them out of mud, water, food on their faces and down their clothes etc. Socks didn't match, buttons were missing sometimes, and zippers were down on occasion. I did make some of their clothes, but the Goodwill and I had quite a relationship. I had to check pockets before they entered church, inevitably there would be Hot Wheels, whistles, gum, rubber bands, little Strawberry shortcake dolls, half-opened cookies and the occasional "show and tell" item that they were smuggling in to impress their friends. I had to make sure that the toddlers had remembered to wear underwear, the others had on undershirts or slips, or that they had on matching shoes. Please don't forget the diaper bag! Sometimes I just wanted to do it all myself the night before and put them to bed fully dressed for church. Good idea, but then breakfast would have ruined my efforts.

Well behaved? Please. Martin was the worst of all of them. Each week, he would pick on someone, get them going, and I would have to shush them. He would make paper airplanes out of the program, and one time Little Otto tossed one and it flew behind to hit old sister Reed in the eye! Martin would think of any excuse to get up and go out, so sometimes he would do something to make a child squeal so that he could take them out. He and the boys had silent farting contests. The boys had not-so-silent farting contests as well. The poor girls were mortified, and most of the time I was just frazzled. Bringing coloring books and crayons helped, but by the time the service was over, I found myself crawling under the bench picking up scraps of colored paper that once graced a crayon. When the children were in a church program, there would be the nose-picking, "don't scratch there" scratching and unending wiggling. In addition, there was the hand waving, to make sure I could see them, and knowing my kids, I could see them well, as I sat on the front row! I became an expert at seating them. I knew that Jessica would be really good to the little ones, but would elbow Bobbie Jo and aggravate her. The boys could not sit together, in addition to farting, they would burp and make "vrooom" sounds with their imaginary cars. Becky could sit anywhere, as she was afraid to get in trouble. Then, there was Martin, doing "paper, scissors, rock" with whomever he was seated next to. Well behaved? Pretty typical I guess.

The reason I write about this tonight, is that today, the whole church pew was filled with my family. Me, two daughters, two sons-in-law, 3 grandsons and a granddaughter. Martin had to take Jaybird to practice. They had their toys, cell phones, food and drink. There was crunching, munching and slurping, and that was just the adults! (just kidding), but the kids did have their comfort items. They are necessary so that we can actually sit through a service, or otherwise I would be out in the hall and miss everything. On his cell phone, Robbie showed me the 8 pigs he killed on his hunting trip. Becky was on the other end of the pew, and so with sign language, we discussed the Sunday meal. Jessica hogged Little Joe but he was passed back and forth amonst all of us, squealing with each new family member. I sat on the end, and thanked God for all of them.

Yes, I finally have enough family to fill a church pew, and when all of us are together, Aunt Chery's family included, we fill up THREE church pews. I guess if I had had 10 kids, we would have hogged up the whole chapel. Wouldn't that have been nice?