Today, on top of everything else, Martin was told that he had to go back into the classroom that made him so ill in the first place or they would begin termination proceeding immediatly. At first I fell completely apart, and then because of wise words from a dear friend and a prayer session, I realized that they can threaten all they like. Heavenly Father is in charge of all of this, and if Martin is supposed to stay at that job then he will, and if not, well something will happen to keep us going. I personally would like to see him get away from that toxic environment, and be able to somehow be able to rest and maybe heal. I am comforted by the thoughts of us having years together to enjoy the life we have built, and our family. I will sleep well tonight, not plagued by "what ifs" because I feel the comforting love of my Heavenly Father.
On a brighter note, I wrapped gifts today, and that lightened my mood so much. Each gift reminds me of the recipient and how much they mean to me. Then, I got to thinking, "how can I really bring the spirit of the holidays to our home?" With all the difficulties going on, I havent even hung a wreath! The only Christmas decoration I have right now is a darling clock given to me by Jessica. It is like a cuckoo clock, meaning that each hour, it goes off with Santa coming out of the little door on top shouting, "HO HO HO". Believe me, it scares the crap out of me every time! Then it plays a christmas carol, and that is nice. I decided to really make an effort to get my Christmas cookies going. Also, I am going to make Christmas jelly from the wild berries in my freezer that my niece spent days picking last spring. I didn't get to make jelly then, because I had a stroke and was kind of out of it for awhile. No problem now though, I am ready to go! In years past, when Bobbie Jo was with us, I wouldn't have had to worry about it. She started planning Christmas in the summer time, and by Halloween, she was rearing to go. Lights, decorations, parties, dinners, shopping and so much more was carefull orchestrated by her Christmas-loving self. The poor Thanksgiving turkey didn't stand much of a chance, as right after dinner she would be ordering the women to do the dishes and put stuff away. The men already knew to be going out to the shed and start the laborious task of taking out tons of yard decorations and miles of lights. The tree would be erected and decorations would be placed in military order, just so. Wreaths, figurines, garlands and so much more would transform our little house into a Christmas wonderland. My only job would be to keep the cookies going, and making sure I had little packages to put them in. Then, out would come her list of who got what cookies or candy and just how to pack them for gift giving. Family, teachers, friends, kids, coaches, co-workers, church members and so many others were slated for a yummy treat. Like I said, all I had to do was bake.
Every year I had to listen to Martin grouse about why I was baking so many cookies and making so many pans of fudge and candy. I did my best to explain it, but he would go on and on about how nobody else does stuff like this. But guess who would be the first to run and get a cookie package if someone came over? Yeah, Martin, bragging all the while about how he made sure that the boxes were full and no one was forgotten! Oh, and lets not forget the trays of goodies that he would take to his students! His big ole Bah Humbug attitude would completely disappear when it came time to share.
Martin loves socks, and every year, the kids get him several packages. I still have some left from last Christmas, but he says that there can never be too many pair of fresh, white comfy socks. When someone asks what he wants for Christmas, Martin always says, "Socks!" He doesn't know how many pair I have donated behind his back, anyway, I don't have enough drawer space to keep them all! Next time you see him, look at his ankles and see if he doesn't have a bright new pair of white socks on. Don't be surprised if you do!
It is things like this that keep me upbeat and happy in the midst of illness, job jeopardy, and possible future loss. The good is so much better than the bad. We are going to come out on top of this job thing, and I believe that if Father wills it, then Martin will be here for a good long time. We will look back on it with gratitude and hopefully humor.
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