Pie

Today, I made the candy trains! Even better, Martin made them with me! That is really special, as he has never made candy trains before. It was just the two of us, and we, or perhaps I should say I, really had fun. Now, if I can somehow work in time to make the cookies, this Christmas may be a bit normal after all. Before I continue, let me say that the pain in Martin's arm is going into his shoulder. That really scares me, and he says that as long as the nitro spray takes the pain away, we shouldn't overreact. Whatever, I always overreact. This seems so surreal to me. I am watching a ticking time bomb, and there is nothing to be done for him. I guess I am going to have to bash him over the head with a bat to keep him down for awhile. The cold is better though. He is not coughing so much, so that helps. I keep thinking that Christmas is the very worst time of year to die, well as if any time of year is, but I have to get out of this morose thought process that goes like this:

I wake up and he is dead. He died in his sleep, right next to me when I was sleeping. Who, besides 911 do I call first? How will I act? How can I tell the kids that their daddy is gone? What will I do?

Now, this is the scene that plays through my mind several times a day. I know it is negative thinking, I know that in all probability, Martin will make it until they can fix his artery. That is the positive way to think. And, I hope it happens that way, and everyone can tell me that I was a worry wart for nothing. Sweetest of all, I hope Martin tells me that every day! I won't mind.

Okay, I refuse to ruin my Christmas thinking negatively. I mean, this time of year is made for happy memories. I am concentrating more on the reason for the season, namely the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Because he rose from the grave, I know that we all will, and will be together for eternity.

So, right now, this minute, I am giving up the negativity. I pray that my sunny smile will dominate my life and everyone else's. I am going to buy some crab legs for Christmas Eve dinner, and get ready for the party that we hold every year. This year, it will be at Becky and Joe's house. The family will gather, the crab and shrimp will be cooked, the cardboard flats will be handed out, and we will dig in. The men will see who can eat the most, the kids will gripe that the house smells like crab, and then tear into the chicken nuggets that we will cook for them. The butter will be passed and slopped all over the place, napkins will rain down in a furious shower as greasy fingers will need wiping. Even though we have been at this for many years, Martin will once again show everyone how to crack a crab leg. We will patiently watch him and then go on about our own crab cracking method. Mine is to cut the crab legs open with scissors. Lots easier that way, and then you can peel a long strip of sweet crab meat from the shell and dip it in butter. "Pass the ketchup, pass the butter, pass the french fries, pass the shrimp, I need some more chicken nuggets, I don't know why we have to have crab legs each year, every one else is having turkey or ham, I don't like crab, good, more for me," and other such phrases are repeated religiously each year. Each year, Martin and I worry that we have not bought enough seafood. Each year, there is one or two crab legs left over, and we hide them in the back of the fridge, so that we can have just one more bite the next day. After the feast, we gather and read "The Texas Night Before Christmas". Great book, and so appropriate for all us Texans. Then, the presents are handed out, first to the children and then to the adults. Cookies are placed on the mantel for Santa, and then we take the children to look at the sky and try to spot Santa. Of course, the children are swearing that they are going to stay up all night and catch Santa when he comes. Everyone is so happy, so tickled and so glad to be a part of the family. Christmas is the best time of the year!So, negativity, be gone! I am already getting excited.

Now, back to the day. While we were out, we went to a pie shop and bought strawberry pie. I don't have much luck with strawberry pie, matter of fact I seem to have butterfingers when I try to carry one. I was oh, so very careful taking the pie to the car, and even navigated the lunging, kissing dogs when I got home. The pie made it safely to the refrigerator. Whew! The reason I say this is, I am know to be clumsy. The last time we bought an 11.00 strawberry pie, we also bought a banana pie and I set them out for dessert. I love to play jokes on my family, and so I took the strawberry pie out of the box and set it on the counter. I then took the empty pie box, closed up, and carried it out on top of the banana pie box that actually held the banana pie. With grand flourish, I swept through the dining room with both "pies" in tow, and the joke was that I was going to act like I tripped and dropped the strawberry pie. In the process of "trying" to act like I was tripping, my big size 14 feet got tangled up and I actually dropped both boxes. The banana pie was destroyed, but stayed in the box. It now looked like banana pudding. I was so mad, that I just grabbed both boxes and stomped into the kitchen with them. Everyone was so shocked that I almost fell and was so glad that I didn't and never mind about the pie, after all since I didn't get hurt, well, that was okay. Martin graciously announced that he wasn't upset, because both pies got ruined, not just his favorite banana pie, (and of course I had to listen all day about how he was looking forward to banana pie for dessert) and those things happen. Now, I had to tell everyone that the strawberry pie was on the counter and I was playing a prank that went horrible wrong. I went back into the dining room with a pie pan full of banana mush, and a perfect strawberry pie. No one could stop laughing at me. They are still laughing at me, and it has been several months. So, I have a reputation for ruining expensive pies. I did however, safely make it to the fridge with the strawberry pie today.
This evening, Martin mentioned that a piece of strawberry pie would sure be good, hint hint, so I went to get a slice for him, (and one for me of course). When I opened the fridge door, guess what? The pie came sliding out and landed right on top of my feet, upside down. Can you believe it? It was still in the very sturdy box, but, still upside down. Doing my best not to, I still uttered a profanity. I couldn't believe it. Pie on the floor, upside down. Now, do you think I could ever drop a cheap pie? I couldn't drop a cheap pie even if it was thrown at me. But here I am, once again, looking at 11.00 worth of strawberry pie, all over the box. I just scooped it out and put some in two bowls. As I walked into the bedroom with the "pie" Martin looked at me and said, "you dropped the pie, didn't you? How is it possible that you dropped the pie again? Never mind, it seems that pie dropping is your talent." I sweetly handed him one of the bowls, (the one with less strawberries because he got smart with me) and told him we should be thankful that we even have strawberry mush to eat.

So, please forgive my morose rambling at the beginning of this post, because I am able to write about my feelings, I am able to see where my thoughts lead me. I am thankful for this, because I can really see how damaging those thoughts can be if they are so very negative. Tonight, in the still small hours, I will think of strawberry mush instead of worrying about Martin not waking up. I will remember making trains with him, and Little Joe's sweet smile and giggle, and understand that my life is precious and so very full of blessings.