Coping

Well, today was pretty much normal, but even when things are normal, they can be hectic. It is my granddaughter Audrey's birthday today. I am not the best long-distance Nana, but I try. This year, I even missed my grandson Sam's birthday last week- it is his first birthday and I feel so bad about that. My son tries to boost my spirits by saying that the kids love me and understand what Papa and I are going through. Aaron is so understanding, and such a blessing, but until he is a Papa himself, he cannot know the guilt that accompanies missing a special day. Actually, I did very well this year, over a month ago, I bought the gifts to send, gifts that were unique to each child. I wrapped them and had them ready to go, and then even packed the box that they were to be mailed in. Included in the box was the felt Christmas stocking that I had made for Sam (I try to make one for each grandchild) and ready to be packed was a gift card to McDonalds for the whole family. I had the box (open of course) on the dining room table and had intended to mail it last week, but when I came in that night, I got a miserable surprise. I had left a route 44 diet coke on the table next to the box, and one of the "loving monsters" meaning one of the giant german shepherds, had jumped up to see what was in the box. Of course, he knocked the drink into the box, soaking everything thoroughly. I found this mess about an hour later, and so, it was truly a huge disaster. Fortunately, the Felt Stocking had been put in ziploc bag, and did not get wet, but the rest- nevermind. So today, on Audrey's birthday, we got some gift cards for Audrey and Sam, some birthday cards and sent them to the children along with the felt stocking. It was not until I was talking to Aaron tonight, that I realized that the McDonalds gift card is still on Papa's dresser. I believe I uttered a profanity and started to cry. I want to be a good Nana, really I do. I probably am a better Nana than I think, as I also had a little situation with Kayleigh and Jacob this afternoon. We came in from the park, and I was tired and Little Joe was hungry, so I asked the kids to sit down and watch tv- and gave them one of those popcorn tins that has the three flavors of popcorn in it. That worked well for about 5 minutes and then Kayleigh started screaming at Jacob. Baby is still drinking, so I asked what the trouble is. Kayleigh is crying saying that Jacob is licking the popcorn and putting it back in the tin so that she can't have any. Jacob defends himself by saying that he is just making sure there will be enough for him. I put the baby down, who immediately begans squalling, (he is still hungry) and go look in the tin. By now, Jacob is picking out the licked popcorn pieces, and I calmly explain to him that Papa will be eating some of that popcorn too, and that isn't nice to mess up the whole tin for everyone. Behind my back, Kayleigh is licking the inside of the popcorn lid, so that she can put it on the popcorn, shake it up, and make sure all of it has Kayliegh lick on it. I catch her in the process of trying to put the licked lid on the popcorn, and once again, calmly explain that it isn't nice to lick the inside of the popcorn lid. I then tell them that if they cannot share the popcorn, I will eat it all and they won't have any! Dear Eli has gone and picked up the baby for me, and is trying to calm him down. It is so wonderful to have older grandchildren that truly want to help.

On top of everything else, I had to get Martin ready for work. He is still going, says he won't stop because he gets paid for sitting at his desk, and so why not go? Well, as he was leaving, I asked him, "do you have your kleenex"? Yes. "do you have your rescue inhaler?" Yes. "Do you have your portable nebulizer?" Yes. "Do you have the albuterol to go in the portable nebulizer?" Yes. "Do you have your Nitro-spray?" Yes. "Are you wearing your medical bracelet?" Yes. Check, check, check, okay, you are good to go. I remember the good old days when all I had to ask him was if he had his keys! He only has to make it this week, and then he is off for Christmas break for almost 3 weeks. When he is home, I make sure he is resting, when he is asleep, I poke him on occasion to make sure he is still moving, and when he is watching TV I watch his belly to make sure it is still going up and down. Now, I am probably the worst kind of worry-wart, but I love him, and I so want everything to be okay. I'm going to bed. Morning will come crashing in on me before I know it, and I want to just lay prone and quiet without having to answer, do, or settle. Time enough for that tomorrow.