Creme Horns

So, sometimes the only thing that really helps is well, to put it kindly, just pigging out. I did that tonight, but after you  hear of my day, you will understand.
This morning, we realized that we had to get some more medications for Martin, but I didn't want to let our bank account get too low.  For two years we have thrown change into a large jar, and it was filled to the top, so Martin suggested that we cash it in and see how much we had.  Kroger has a change machine, and you just put the change in and get a receipt to cash in at the service desk.  I stood there, piling change into the maching, while people stood and watched me, making comments as to how much they thought I must have.  After about 15 minutes and two thirds of the jar, I noticed that coins were falling on the floor from a slot in the machine. I had not noticed them and by the time I did, there was a small pile.  I wondered why they were falling out, and the guy behind me who was holding a bag of change to change out told me that I had filled the machine to it's limit. Sure enough, the machine had a message that it was full and could not take any more coins. Well, I felt pretty stupid, standing there with a bunch of coins in my hand and on the floor, while the guy behind me realized that he couldn't put his change in.  I apologized to him, put the wayward coins back in the jar, and went and cashed in my receipt.  I got more than enough to pay for Martin's medicine, and I felt better. Later, I took some more jelly to the feed store, and Mary, (the owner) was so appreciative. She gave me a jar of homemade salsa, and told me she would have some more produce next week.  I came home and made bread while Little Joe crawled all over me, the kitchen, the dining room, the living room and played with the pots and pans in the drawers.
Actually, most of the day was so sweet, with Little Joe in the best of moods and the Gentle Giant feeling rather mellow.  He was supposed to go fishing with Robby, but it was too windy, so he got to sleep in. (They leave REALLY early to fish). I don't even know why, the fish don't know what time it is! Anyway, he went to work thinking that this would be his last day for the school year, but later he called me and told me he finishes the year on May 15.  Not so bad, he is taking tomorrow off, and then only has to go in for two more days. Little Joe and I spent the afternoon watching TV, looking at picture books, and playing. He is so happy all the time!
Okay, so that is not so bad, actually, it is perfect. Just the sort of things a Nana should be doing!  Then, Martin called. He learned that all the other instructors signed their contracts for the new school year starting in August, 2012. The supervisor did not call him in to sign a new contract, and actually hasn't even spoken to Martin in a couple of weeks.  I emailed our attorney, and he said not to be surprised if they don't renew Martin's contract.
Remember all that stuff about how I wasn't going to worry if we got bad news about Martin's job? Well, for a moment, I forgot all about it, and went into a Gloomy Gussy fit. I couldn't really react badly, as Little Joe was still with me and I didn't want him to see me upset. I churned inside with doubt and fear, and the old questions came back to plague me. How will I get insurance?  How will we be able to handle Martin's medical? Can we make all the bills? Blah,Blah, Blah.  Martin came home early, and we had enough time to make it to Eli's musical at school, and even a half hour before to go to Whataburger and share some french fries and a drink. We sat across each other at the table, and although I tried to keep a brave face, the tears leaked out anyway.  When the girl brought the french fries to the table, she gave me a funny look, but I smiled and thanked her the best I could. A few minutes later, she caught me off guard, and I was sniffling, and she said, "Oh goodness! Is anything wrong with your french fries? Do you have enough ketchup? Do you need some napkins?" Once again, the smile came out and I thanked her and told her all was okay.
Martin and I talked about how we never expected things like this at our stage of life. After all, he  has worked there almost 20 years, and we thought we were pretty secure. I boo-hooed again when I reminded him that our 40th anniversary is almost here, and we had always wanted to go on a cruise or something special for that day, but now we have to forego those plans. He said the sweetest thing. He said, "I don't need a special day to remind me of how fortunate we are that we met, married and were sealed in the Temple. You are all I want for  my anniversary".  He is so right, and I quit being a spoiled brat and let the spirit calm and comfort me, while reminding me that the adversary will take any opportunity to torture me with temporal desires. I cheered right up after that, and we went to the school. Eli was fabulous! Little Joe puked all over the floor and his Mama, and almost got the other people on the aisle, and Martin and I sat and enjoyed the show. Then, Martin couldn't breathe, and we had to leave. On the way home, I had to stop and get some handsoap, as neither bathroom nor kitchen had any soap to wash our hands. (I am not above using dishsoap, but everyone else gripes).  While in Kroger, I found some on sale, and was walking to the front of the store, and then I saw them. Creme Horns. These are hollow tubes of pastry filled with fabulous sweet cream. I didn't even try to rationalize, I just yanked a package and threw it in the basket. As I went to the front to pay for the items with some of the money from this morning, I notices that the change machine was STILL not working. I had to mentally laugh, it was just a reminder of the day for me.  I got in the car, went home and sat at the kitchen table with my creme horns and a crossword puzzle.  Now, a sensible Nana would eat one creme horn and put the rest away. Truly, that was the plan, but after the first one, there were three more. The pastry was so flaky and buttery, the cream inside so smooth and sweet. I guessed one more wouldn't hurt.  It didn't. Actually, I was feeling better all the time! I courageously shoved the package away from me, but the third creme horn had a big glob of creme  coming out of the end, and I gave in and popped the cream glob into my mouth. Then, I noticed that the poor creme horn looked uneven, and so I just took a  little piece to even it up. I couldn't stand to leave that creme horn half eaten, and thought that just this once I would indulge myself, (I had already done that, don't  you think?), but sanity overcame me, and before I could continue the pig-out, I jumped up and tossed the rest of the pastry into the trash.  Martin came in right at that time, and asked me how I could waste like that. I didn't even bother to explain, just hugged him and told him it was for the best.  Now, it is the end of the day. I have remembered that Heavenly Father will help us no matter what, and I refuse to allow the adversary to affect me. Okay, maybe eating creme horns helped some, (well, lots) but I have to realize that a fix like that is only temporary. Anyway, I am going to bed with a tummy full of yummy, and gratitude in my heart that I  know that we will be okay.