Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Another Setback

Gosh, today we got the most unbelievable news!  After all we have been through, we found out today that once again we were DENIED worker's comp benefits. Our attorney will appeal, but for now, it is almost too much to bear.
Let me say, we are financially safe until the middle of August, due to Martin's summer pay. It is prorated all year so that he continues to get paid, even though he is off for summer break. This is a huge source of comfort, but the extra costs of co-pays and medication severely tax us, and it is so hard to keep up. Worker's comp would have covered these costs and even reimbursed us for the expenses we have been out for a year and a half.
When I read the decision, I went numb. I then came to my computer room and just fell apart. I felt so abandoned, I mean, I kept asking "Why Father? Why can't we get any help, any justice? When will it get better? What will we do after his summer pay runs out? Why? What? How?"
Martin was denied because all the facts in the decision were very inaccurate. I pray that the appeal will clear this up.
As I sat here feeling almost detached from life, the tears streaming, my mind whirling and my head pounding, I began to pray for strength and for understanding.  I read the sign near the computer that reminds me in "painful moments, trust God". I began to feel peace. As I made every effort to calm myself and remember that he has not let us down ever, I felt a strong impression come into my mind.
"Please be calm, have no fear. I know your situation and I am with you. Trust me. Trust me to care for you and meet your needs. I have never been away from you, and I am near you now. You are in the protection of my arms. I love you. I will care for you always."  I knew with absolute certainty that this impression came from my loving Heavenly Father. My heart quieted, and the tears slowed and then soon stopped. I took the time to feel, enjoy and know the love that my Heavely Father has for me. I felt safe.
I feel safe now too. I don't know what to expect: Will Martin get well enough to find another job if he does not get another contract?  If not, although I know our financial needs will be met, how? Can I continue on this ever-changing roller coaster of uncertainity? Can I stand strong and be the example my family needs to grow into the future?
I don't know, but I do know that if it is up to  my Father in Heaven, we will prosper in peace and confidence. Maybe there is another whole door to pass through. Another way of life. One part of my life that will never change however, is that I love and trust my Heavenly Father and my Savior, and will walk in faith on whatever path I will find myself.
So far, because I was faithful, I have accrued a foodstorage that will see us through months of financial uncertainty. Two years ago, I awoke with the pressing urge to get a food storage, but for what, I had no idea. I only knew that the  feelings were overwhelming, and I complied. Since then, many opportunities to fill my food storage have come my way, and I have taken advantage of them. I pray and listen for answers to other problems, and delight in times when unexpected blessings are showered on us. I pay a full tithe faithfully, willingly and joyfully, knowing that my tithe is of benefit to many.  I am honest, and try so hard to be kind, loving and willing to serve.
All of this will serve me and my family and even those who  know us to the greatest benefit.  As I go to my bed to rest for the night, it will be a sleep of peace. I am grateful and excited to see how Heavenly Father will help us. I will let you know!

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