Come What May

Gosh, I can't believe I have been so lax in writing.  Martin finished out the week at work, and the Workers comp hearing is monday.  We are kind of in limbo, but, I had an epiphany. For 20 years, martin has worked at the college, and we have lived in relative comfort, not withstanding a few tragedies in those years.  We have become complacent in our comfort, and it is terrifying to think of being disloged from a comfy perch.  While we lived in our hibernation free of financial worries, the world went on turning, and was able to touch the untouchable. When the economy began to get difficult, I felt sympathy for those affected, while feeling protected by Martin's job security. When the unimaginable blessing came to us that allowed us to pay off our house, I gave hearty thanks and truly believed that we could not find ourselves in dire straits ever again.  The thought of losing that security has plagued me for almost 2 years-but we have not yet found ourselves destitute. I faced the loss of my precious companion a few months ago, due to severe heart disease, but he made it and so did I.
When I think of losing the comfort of Martin's income and the security of the insurance provided, I feel a sense of rage because this is from no fault of our own.
I now know where that rage is coming from.  It is from a sense of "unfairness" that we have been subjected to this situation. 
The epiphany I have come to is this:
Life changes. Nothing is untouchable. We are all human and subject to the trials of humanity.
The thought came to me that if an Olympic runner found herself on the verge of earning Olympic gold, and she were involved in an accident that was no fault of her own, and due to this accident she  lost her legs, I suppose that she would think her life was over.
Most of us would. But, there is an entire universe out there for her, that perhaps she would never have been able to discover if her  life had not changed.
There is an entire universe out there for me too. I have been blessed in all the experiences of my life, and given, my life is on the downside of the aging process, but there is so much more out there for me, and for Martin.  Just because we can't see around the corner, doesn't mean the most precious of prizes is not there.
I don't know what is going to happen for us. I do know that I have garnered some huge blessings from the worry that these past two years have brought. 
One is, that I will never take anything for granted again. I will save, and prepare for the unknown.  Two years ago in June, I awoke to a strong urge to see about my food storage. I mentally brushed it off, because in all the almost 40 years of marriage, I have had a food storage, never used it, and finally lost it all to a hurricane. The thought persisted. I acted. I now have a food storage that will see us at least a year down the road.
Two, I have learned that ANYTHING can happen and probably will. I am not above the experiences of life. One day, Martin and I will be separated for awhile in this eternal experience, and because I have been able to help him so much, I am  much better prepared to face life alone on the earth without him.
Three, I have learned that the greatest  joy comes from the simplest source. Worldly possessions mock me when I think of the money I have spent in pursuit of self-indulgence. I cannot find joy in those possessions, but I find tremendous joy in the simple pleasure of being with my  loving family and friends each day, collecting happy memories from each experience with them. Sitting in the sun, reading to my grandchildren, teaching my Primary class, having the trust of my friends, conversations that bring comfort, and the sure knowlege that my Heavenly Father and Loving Savior are  never away from me and know my every need, these are the experiences  that cost me nothing. These are the sources of the greatest joy.
Four, I have learned through extreme sadness and personal tragedy that nothing lasts forever, and from such experiences, you take away the blessings of having learned who you are, who you can be, and how you have grown, able to face yet other trials with confidence. When trials come, they are more easily born because I know that I have faced things in the past, and sucessfully triumphed.  Successful triumph comes from allowing yourself to let go and understand that although the trials may seem personal, there is a whole family involved, and you have to rely on the tools of prayer, faith and love to see you through. You do not get to set the terms, but you do get to decide how you will face the trial. Past trials are essential in allowing you to have strength for future trials.
So, come what may. I am at peace. The future awaits, nothing is fair, and we are all subject to human experiences. I must do all I can to never bring on a trial of my own making because I chose to make a wrong decision, but that aside, trials that will come will be met with calm strength and determination to continue to be the person that I have grown to be.