Another Difficulty for the Gentle Giant

We found out earlier in the week, that Martin tested positive for Mycrobiotic Avium bacteria in his lungs. This particular bacteria mimics Tuberculosis, and today he had specific blood work to make sure that tuberculosis is not the problem. If tuberculosis is ruled out, then the treatment for this bacterial infection is 12 months of specific antibiotics given 3xweek for one to two weeks out of each month. The infection is common in patients with AIDS, however given the damage to his lungs, his depressed immune system and steriod usage for his lungs, somehow Martin has become affected. He is kind of depressed about this, and at first, I was to, but this is another duck on the pile and we have to deal with it. I am positive it is not tuberculosis, but ruling it out is the first step in treatment for him.
When dealing with difficulties in the past, I "what-iffed" myself until I almost went crazy. Thanks to learning from those past difficulties, some of which did not turn out well at all, I have learned that I can only do what I can do. Mostly this means keeping a positive attitude and a smile on my face for those I love and those who worry about us. Many times I have found myself becoming enrobed by dark feelings of worry and fear, and, recognizing these from where they come from, I am able to put a smile on my face and thank Heavenly Father for the blessings I so abundantly enjoy. One of these blessings is that I am never alone. I have a huge cheering squad constantly lifting me up and giving me the will to continue without giving into dispair.
I wish I could cure the Gentle Giant. I wish I could do something to help him with his illness, something to remove the pain, shortness of breath, fear and uncertainty. He doesn't sleep well, his dreams are often of him being suffocated in some way. One night he woke up in a panic, dreaming he was being hanged, another because he dreamed he was drowning. I wish I could take that away as well, I wish he could lay down to sleep in peace and comfort. He sleeps with a CPAP mask that forces air into his mouth, and the mask looks kind of like something a fighter pilot would wear. I couldn't bear to have that thing on my face each night-I don't know how he does it! In the morning, he has to nebulize, take several meds and take it easy. Mornings are the worst for him.
Today, for a short moment, I felt the weight of dispair crushing down on me as I contemplated what new difficulties he will face. I wanted to scream in anger and shout out "it isn't fair!" but I learned long ago that fair has nothing to do with anything. Once again, I forced a smile on my face, thought about my blessings, and determined that I would not give in to such feelings. It is up to me to set the tone of our household, and a happy atmosphere I am determined to give it.
By the way, I can't even begin to imagine how our lives will change if he has tuberculosis! Remember that I am sure he does not, but if he does, well, things will definetly change. No room for that though, so I am putting those thoughts away somewhere until I have to face them, and I probably wont ever have to. Meanwhile, we are waiting for the test results, and in true See fashion, will deal with it when we know something. Oh, I am smiling as I write, it is all I can do about any of this right now!