Come What May

Gosh, I can't believe I have been so lax in writing.  Martin finished out the week at work, and the Workers comp hearing is monday.  We are kind of in limbo, but, I had an epiphany. For 20 years, martin has worked at the college, and we have lived in relative comfort, not withstanding a few tragedies in those years.  We have become complacent in our comfort, and it is terrifying to think of being disloged from a comfy perch.  While we lived in our hibernation free of financial worries, the world went on turning, and was able to touch the untouchable. When the economy began to get difficult, I felt sympathy for those affected, while feeling protected by Martin's job security. When the unimaginable blessing came to us that allowed us to pay off our house, I gave hearty thanks and truly believed that we could not find ourselves in dire straits ever again.  The thought of losing that security has plagued me for almost 2 years-but we have not yet found ourselves destitute. I faced the loss of my precious companion a few months ago, due to severe heart disease, but he made it and so did I.
When I think of losing the comfort of Martin's income and the security of the insurance provided, I feel a sense of rage because this is from no fault of our own.
I now know where that rage is coming from.  It is from a sense of "unfairness" that we have been subjected to this situation. 
The epiphany I have come to is this:
Life changes. Nothing is untouchable. We are all human and subject to the trials of humanity.
The thought came to me that if an Olympic runner found herself on the verge of earning Olympic gold, and she were involved in an accident that was no fault of her own, and due to this accident she  lost her legs, I suppose that she would think her life was over.
Most of us would. But, there is an entire universe out there for her, that perhaps she would never have been able to discover if her  life had not changed.
There is an entire universe out there for me too. I have been blessed in all the experiences of my life, and given, my life is on the downside of the aging process, but there is so much more out there for me, and for Martin.  Just because we can't see around the corner, doesn't mean the most precious of prizes is not there.
I don't know what is going to happen for us. I do know that I have garnered some huge blessings from the worry that these past two years have brought. 
One is, that I will never take anything for granted again. I will save, and prepare for the unknown.  Two years ago in June, I awoke to a strong urge to see about my food storage. I mentally brushed it off, because in all the almost 40 years of marriage, I have had a food storage, never used it, and finally lost it all to a hurricane. The thought persisted. I acted. I now have a food storage that will see us at least a year down the road.
Two, I have learned that ANYTHING can happen and probably will. I am not above the experiences of life. One day, Martin and I will be separated for awhile in this eternal experience, and because I have been able to help him so much, I am  much better prepared to face life alone on the earth without him.
Three, I have learned that the greatest  joy comes from the simplest source. Worldly possessions mock me when I think of the money I have spent in pursuit of self-indulgence. I cannot find joy in those possessions, but I find tremendous joy in the simple pleasure of being with my  loving family and friends each day, collecting happy memories from each experience with them. Sitting in the sun, reading to my grandchildren, teaching my Primary class, having the trust of my friends, conversations that bring comfort, and the sure knowlege that my Heavenly Father and Loving Savior are  never away from me and know my every need, these are the experiences  that cost me nothing. These are the sources of the greatest joy.
Four, I have learned through extreme sadness and personal tragedy that nothing lasts forever, and from such experiences, you take away the blessings of having learned who you are, who you can be, and how you have grown, able to face yet other trials with confidence. When trials come, they are more easily born because I know that I have faced things in the past, and sucessfully triumphed.  Successful triumph comes from allowing yourself to let go and understand that although the trials may seem personal, there is a whole family involved, and you have to rely on the tools of prayer, faith and love to see you through. You do not get to set the terms, but you do get to decide how you will face the trial. Past trials are essential in allowing you to have strength for future trials.
So, come what may. I am at peace. The future awaits, nothing is fair, and we are all subject to human experiences. I must do all I can to never bring on a trial of my own making because I chose to make a wrong decision, but that aside, trials that will come will be met with calm strength and determination to continue to be the person that I have grown to be.

Still Working

The Gentle Giant went to work AGAIN today!  His supervisor left before he got there, so all Martin did was help around in the shop and bide his time. The students were glad to see him, but he had a really hard time with fatigue and breathing. We don't know what is going to happen now. If we can hang on, there are only 2  more weeks of school left, and he will have the summer off.  If we are successful in getting workers comp, it won't matter anyway. I have finally gotten to the point of acceptance. I accept the fact that although we may not have the good income we are used to, we will still be okay, and it will be a new facet in our lives. Things do change, and that is why you must be prepared for anything. I certainly never thought that we would be in this position, but we are and now we must make the best of it. By the way, that organism that got in Martin's lungs is NOT tuberculosis, and although it is very serious, it is dormant and at this time, we need take no action. There is no evidence of damage on X-ray film, so our doctor is pleased that we don't have to address this issue right now.
Little  Joe is clinging to me. He is feeling better, but he only wants to be in my arms, or his daddy's, mommie's or PaPa's. I hope to fix this, as he is getting to be a healthly little chunk, and he wants to jump and bounce when you hold him.  He screams if we put him in the playpen, but if I ignore him for a moment or two, he notices his toys and begins to entertain himself.  Problem is that if he sees me, he goes off again. It will get better, I mean really, haven't I already done this multiple times? I am so grateful for this blog, it helps me put things into perspective. I was thinking that when I blogged about Bobbie Jo, I only got to enter 72 entries before she died. I am well over 120 on this one since Martin got sick, and that in itself is such a blessing. I hope to have many, many more entries on his behalf. There is so much life to live!

One more day with a sick baby, but things are looking up, and he seems to be feeling better. My left arm and shoulder are numb for having to hold him so much, but I don't mind. He trusts us so much to take care of him, and he cannot tell us what is wrong, so I will do whatever I can to ease his pain.  Besides, I got to watch 5 episodes of Law and Order SVU because I had to sit and hold Little Joe all day.  I forgot how much I love that show.  Little Joe did fall asleep for awhile and I put him down and ran to the kitchen, opened a can of tuna, a can of mushroom soup, mixed it together and put it on some bread.  Sounds horrible, I know, but it really is good, not to mention quick. I was starving, and just about anything would have been good.
Martin went to take a respiratory evaluation that the school set up for him and he failed hugely. The doctor couldn't even believe that he is still working, and told him that he  needs to retire or something. Martin isn't going to retire or even quit, he is not going to give the college a let-off like that.  He came in tonight, wheezing and dragging, just miserable, but he made it another day.  He is like a badger, when he believes in something, he will not give up.  I am just sitting back, and watching the scenario as it unfolds. 
Monday is the day we go for a final decision on Workers Comp. We have been at this for well over a year, continually being denied or the insurance company asking to set the hearing back.  Our attorney says that he thinks that we will finally win- how wonderful that would be, as we would get an income and Martin's health care too.  I put it all in Heavenly Father's hands.
A hummingbird flew up to the window today. I haven't seen a hummingbird in so long, and it was so pretty. I am going to get a hummingbird feeder tomorrow and see if I can lure some more.
Well, more tomorrow, I will just write as it come to me.

My eyes are opening!

The Gentle Giant returned to work today. There are problems- too many to mention here, but I think that in the near future, I will be writing about his termination at last. It has been a hectic day anyway, as poor Little Joe has been sick. Every time I tried to put him down, he would scream at the top of his lungs. This is such unusual behavior for him, and I finally told becky that he needed to go to the doctor. He wouldn't even take his bottle very well, and refused to eat any food at all. We did get him in and he has a severe ear infection. I started crying when they told us that because all I could think of was that he has been in pain and couldn't tell us.
I really need your prayers. I need to be more confident in myself while facing these current trials. I don't know why it is affecting me so much, like I have said before, I have always been able to stand up to problems, and not let my nerves get to me. But this time, I can't seem to help it. Seeing Martin struggle so much really hurts me, I love him so much, and can't seem to help him get better. Knowing that he has been so mistreated at work hurts me too- I can't stand to see these people treat him as though he were just an aggravation instead of a valued employee of 20 years.
To tell the truth, I find it hard to have to handle everything in the house! I sometimes want to tell Martin to get up and help me, but I must get used to a life where I am the caretaker. For so many years, I have been the one that needed caretaking, and I have always appreciated it, but now the table has turned, and I see how much is needed to take care of everything.
Just filling the birdfeeders and the squirrel feeders is a chore. Martin has always done that for me, and I would just sit and watch the birds and squirrels through the window. I never appreciated his efforts on my behalf. Taking out the trash is something else that I have to get used to, the trash can is forever full! When Martin did it, the can stayed pretty much empty.
Maybe I am just getting old. Maybe that is why it is so much more difficult for me than it was 23 years ago when Martin was out of work. Maybe that is why my nerves are so fragile. What ever the reason, I have to get a grip and quit letting stress and anxiety affect me so much. I don't mean to whine, but writing this stuff down gives me focus on how I have been acting. By the way, I did fill the birdfeeders, and those flying pigs seem to really appreciate it. I didn't realize how much birdfeed they ate, I know that the feeders will be near empty in less than two days.. When Martin did it, they just always stayed full-I hope I can keep up the pace!

Pet the sweaty stuff!

Tomorrow Martin returns to work. They told him if he did not come in tomorrow, he would be fired. He is going and is going to try to be compliant, but he will not endanger himself. I remember years ago when Martin was out of work, that I did not react the way I am now. Then, every day was a new challenge, and I met it head on. That lasted for 2 years, and yet we got by and even prospered. It will be the same now if he does lose his job. I think I have just become too comfortable with a pampered lifestyle, and don't want to have to think about finances. More than that, I don't want to think about the future without health insurance. I do believe that in future posts, you will see me writing about the relief and immense blessings we received, and how amazed I am at how it turned out.
All is well. All will be well. Life will be exciting and full of blessings. I have a favorite saying:
Don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff! See? I feel better already!

BooHoo

Today I let go and fell apart. I try so hard to remain positive, sunny, confident and have strong faith, but today, I fell apart. Yesterday we got notice that they are going to start termination proceedings again. The demand is that Martin go to work in rooms that made his sick in the first place- they insist that a mask will protect him- and if he doesn't show up on Monday ready to work, they are going to terminate him. There is no regard for accomodation under the ADAA, and unless something happens in our favor, he will be out of work.
This is not news to me. I have been dealing with this for almost a year and a half. Every time it gets desperate, something happens to stave them off, and we are protected from unemployment. I know that Martin cannot work in that environment. Even now, he is much worse than even 6 months ago, and it seems the illness he contracted at work is progressive. Even the surgery planned for June will have to be put off due to the bacteria that has gotten into his damaged lungs. We are due for a contested case hearing for workers comp on May 30- if he finally gets workers comp, we will be covered for his pay and medical care. If not, we struggle on, and somehow Heavenly Father will keep us going.
Why did I fall apart today? I don't know. The thought of being out of work with no insurance terrifies me, and yet, I know that we will be taken care of. Jessica came over to find me sobbing with Little Joe in my arms, rocking him and just bawling my eyes out. She got stern and told me to knock it off, after all she knew I am a woman of faith, so why the hysterics. I explained to her of my fears of unemployment, and she talked to me about it. She said she knew that we havd saved some money, and that made me cry harder, as every extra cent we get goes for co-pays for Martin's medication. On top of everything else, I feel guilty that I am not better with a budget. She pointed out that I have a fabulous food storage, and she is right about that. She also said that at some point, I need to swallow my pride and let the Church help. Now the tears were running down my face, onto my chest and onto the quilt. You must know that this was purely a pity party on my behalf. The more I listed my problems, the more I cried. What a baby I can be sometimes. During this conversation, Eli came into the room and heard me talking about not being able to make it without Martin's income. He came over and hugged me and then, with a bright look in his eyes said, "I know Nana. I will get some paper and make signs and put them out all over Seabrook and they will say that you will bake bread and everyone will call you and you will have lots of money!" That simple faith and reasoning dried my tears right up. I hugged him and told him that was a great idea! Sissy smiled. She then took Little Joe with her and I had time to myself. I did some praying, and began to realize the effort the adversary is making to ruin our lives. I cast the adversary away from me in Jesus name, and I felt the air clear and began to once again feel strength and calm.
Whatever happens will happen, and if we do all we can to be righteous, it will happen in our favor.
At this time, as in the past 18 months, we find ourselves with a very ill Martin and the difficulties of our income. I would say that we are facing uncertainites, but that is not true. I am CERTAIN that we will be cared for, strengthened and surprised at the magnitude of the blessings coming our way. It was only a year ago right now that I had a stroke. I am fine now, but if I let things get out of hand once again, I could possible find myself in that situation again. I decide how I will react to our difficulties, and my decision is to recognize the efforts of the adversary and negate his desires to ruin our family. I will be at peace, and let him roar, knowing that if God is with me, who can be against me? Right now, the storm is raging all around us, but we are safe and calm in the arms of Heavenly Father. It will always be so.

The Temple

The Gentle Giant and I went to the Temple today. He thought it would do us good to be someplace where we can contemplate our choices for the future. It was spiritual, quiet and uplifting to be in such a sacred place, and truly, I am so glad we went. To my surprise, Martin asked if we could go more often. How I would love that!
He is feeling worried about his situation, at work, his health and his upcoming worker's comp decision meeting. I told him not to worry about any of it, by now we should both realize that Heavenly Father will bless us in the best possible way, and what more could we ask for?

Chicken and Dumplings

Today was difficult for the Gentle Giant. He overworked himself the day before, not really doing anything, but not stopping to rest when he was tired. Last night, he couldn't breath, his heart rate was up and his blood oxygen level below 90. I almost took him to the hospital, but he talked me out of it. I did call Aaron, and he advised me to watch Martin and if he got worse, then go ahead and take him.
He had a terrible night. No sleep, tossing and turning and when he did sleep, he dreamed (as he so often does) of suffocation. Today, he was miserable, oh, and crabby too. He had no appetite, and just wanted to lay around in his recliner. I finally got him on his feet when Martin, (Bobbie Jo's Martin) called and told me that he had picked 5 gallons of dewberries! We went to Martin's job and got them and then to Walmart to get some jelly jars. (The making of the jelly will be for another blog).
I, myself, did not get to sleep until 2 am. My head is raging with all kinds of thoughts, not the least of what the future will bring. I try to calm down, count sheep, fix my pillows and so forth, but still I could not fall asleep. I finally did, and immediatly, or so it seemed, I was awaken to Little Joe's arrival. Having Martin crabby did not help, and my day was up and down. I reminded myself to be cheerful, and that helped some. Okay, finally to the point of this blog. We had the missionaries over for dinner. Nanamee also came, as well as Aunt Cheryl, Polly, the kids, Gail, Ricky, Joe and the other grandkids. I had a houseful. I love that! Dinner started out to be a small pot of chicken and dumplings, since that is Cheryl's favorite, and PaPa loves them too. I thought that maybe I could tempt his appetite, and so the chicken went into the pot. I added celery, onions and poultry seasoning. Covering the chicken with water, I set it to simmer. I had all afternoon, so I wasn't worried about the time. Then, I remembered it was Nanamee Wednsday. Polly made mention that she loved chicken and dumplings, and so did Gail. The pot is shrinking. I decided that I would make a very large pot of chicken and dumplings. Another chicken was fetched from the freezer, more celery and onions diced and the largest pot I own, (5 gallons) was taken from the cupboard. As both the chickens are simmering, I realized that Ricky needed dinner, and the girls, as well as Joe. I would have plenty, (I hoped). I then set to making the dumplings. Soon, a mountain of dough was being kneaded into egg dumplings, and then I had to roll them out. I cannot tell you how many dumplings I made, but there were LOTS! Finally, the 5 gallon pot was filled with the chicken, the dumplings and plenty of gravy. I realized that I had made too much. How could we eat 5 gallons of chicken and dumplings? Here's how. Jacob ate 5 servings, Kayleigh ate 3, cierra ate 2, Josiah from down the street ate 1 and Little Joe had a bowl of broth.(He gobbled that broth like it was his first meal!) The Missionaries had come to share some of the Gospel with Aunt Cheryl and Nanamee, and while they were talking, the children finished their dinner. Then, Polly (3 bowls) Gail, (2), Ricky (3)and Joe (3) had their dinner. Finally, Cheryl had 2 bowls, Nanamee had 1, and each of the missionaries had 2 bowls. Cierra came back and asked for another bowl, and Papa came home from picking up Jaybird from practice with Jaybird in tow. "Heard you made chicken and dumplings" said Jaybird and settled in at the table. Papa did eat a small serving and by then, the pot was almost empty. I scooped out some for Nanamee to have for lunch tomorrow, and send a good sized bowl home with Polly and her family. The dogs got the rest of the batch for dinner, (not much)and the 5 gallon pot is shining clean once again, free of it's dumpling delights.
How blessed I am. For one, I had enough chicken and dumplings to feed everyone as much as they wanted. Two, I realized what a loving family I have and how much fun it is to get together. 3, I was able to open my home to share the Gospel with my family, and had two precious, willing missionaries to do that for me. 4, how I loved seeing the children gobbling down chicken and dumplings, smiling, laughing, asking for more and knowing it was there for the asking. Finally, one of my greatest blessings, I had the Gentle Giant to share all of this with. Those two chickens sure went a long way, but since I was serving with a willing heart, that should not have surprised me!

Roadrunner!

Golly, I got quite a fright today! I set Little Joe down on the floor so that I could go to the bathroom, and even though I was in there for less than 2 minutes, when I came out, he was gone! My room is 16x24 feet, and he couldn't have even left it in that time, but sure enough after looking under the bed, in the next room, down the hall, around the corner, into the living room, dining room and kitchen, I couldn't find him. We have no stairs, so I couldn't believe he couldn't be found. I started calling him. Then, started yelling for him. I went back down the hall, into my room, looked into the bathroom and all around the king sized bed. I looked behind the recliners and under the bed again, still yelling his name the whole time. I began to panic. Where was he? The dogs were outside, so they couldn't have been the problem, (he loves the dogs and follows them whenever he can) and he couldn't get out the doggie door. Then, I heard a faint sound, sort of like a giggle, coming from somewhere. I stood still, listening. It was coming from down the hall. The food storage room, the guest bedroom and the guest bathroom doors were closed, but still, that little cooing noise. I walked quietly toward the sound, and realized it was coming from the food storage room where his crib is. I opened the door, and then I realized that I had closed the door after glancing in the room awhile back. Sure enough, there he was, standing at his crib, gripping the bars from the floor and grinning at me. He must have been behind the door when I glanced in, and then I closed him in so that he wouldn't get in while I was looking for him. He smiled at me and lifted his arms to be held, and boy did I give him a hug. He is only 8 months old! How could he travel like that? The food storage room is down the hall from my room, so he would have had to go at least 40+ feet and into that room in less than 2 minutes, including the time it took for him to decide that he was going exploring! I can't imagine what it will be like when he starts to walk, but I know one thing, and that is that Martin will have only one responsibility- keeping up with Little Joe! As long has Little Jo has PaPa, he will sit on his lap and be entertained. This has given me freedom to do chores around the house without having to chase that little buggar. I am going to invest in a leash. I may get some flack about that, but until someone else wants to run their feet off, Little Joe is going to be on a leash when we are out walking! By the way, haven't I already done this many times before? Well, I guess it keeps me young!

Blessings

Today, the Gentle Giant and I were given beautiful blessings in reference to Martin's illness. Blessings like these help me face the future no matter what it will bring. I feel, once again, that I am entering uncharted waters, and will have to rely heavily on Heavenly Father and my Savior to lead the way. I will make sure my home, life and those around me are peaceful, radiant with the love of Jesus and my Heavenly Father, and walk this path with confidence and security knowing that everything is in Heavenly Father's hands. I will write of the ups and downs, and keep a log of the life of the man we all love so much. I go into the future with a sense of purpose and excitement, knowing that I do not walk alone.

Alone Together!

The Gentle Giant and I spent the entire day ALONE! We spent a lot of time talking about the future and how we are going to handle what may come. I assurred him that I will always be here for him no matter what. He seems worried. He told me he felt like he had a knife in his back, to add to all the others. I asked him how many he had and he told me-4. 1. Losing Otto. 2. Losing Bobbie Jo. 3. My difficulties with my health. 4. Becoming ill.
I told him to yank those knives out of his back and throw them away. As a wise friend of mine told me, (JuJu) "when you come to the edge of a cliff, just keep going. God will either catch you or teach you how to fly". I don't know what to do to ease his hurt over the things that have happened in his life, but I will do all I can.
We shopped at Walmart tonight. It was so nice to have just the two of us, all over the store, talking, laughing and kidding around. It is like being teenagers again, just 40 years later. I believe if I can find more opportunities like this, then the despondency will lift for Martin. After all, we haven't come this far not to enjoy the fruits of our labors! We will go to church tomorrow, and that is always special for us. There is so much to enjoy, I hope the happy moments can outweigh the difficult ones.

Another Difficulty for the Gentle Giant

We found out earlier in the week, that Martin tested positive for Mycrobiotic Avium bacteria in his lungs. This particular bacteria mimics Tuberculosis, and today he had specific blood work to make sure that tuberculosis is not the problem. If tuberculosis is ruled out, then the treatment for this bacterial infection is 12 months of specific antibiotics given 3xweek for one to two weeks out of each month. The infection is common in patients with AIDS, however given the damage to his lungs, his depressed immune system and steriod usage for his lungs, somehow Martin has become affected. He is kind of depressed about this, and at first, I was to, but this is another duck on the pile and we have to deal with it. I am positive it is not tuberculosis, but ruling it out is the first step in treatment for him.
When dealing with difficulties in the past, I "what-iffed" myself until I almost went crazy. Thanks to learning from those past difficulties, some of which did not turn out well at all, I have learned that I can only do what I can do. Mostly this means keeping a positive attitude and a smile on my face for those I love and those who worry about us. Many times I have found myself becoming enrobed by dark feelings of worry and fear, and, recognizing these from where they come from, I am able to put a smile on my face and thank Heavenly Father for the blessings I so abundantly enjoy. One of these blessings is that I am never alone. I have a huge cheering squad constantly lifting me up and giving me the will to continue without giving into dispair.
I wish I could cure the Gentle Giant. I wish I could do something to help him with his illness, something to remove the pain, shortness of breath, fear and uncertainty. He doesn't sleep well, his dreams are often of him being suffocated in some way. One night he woke up in a panic, dreaming he was being hanged, another because he dreamed he was drowning. I wish I could take that away as well, I wish he could lay down to sleep in peace and comfort. He sleeps with a CPAP mask that forces air into his mouth, and the mask looks kind of like something a fighter pilot would wear. I couldn't bear to have that thing on my face each night-I don't know how he does it! In the morning, he has to nebulize, take several meds and take it easy. Mornings are the worst for him.
Today, for a short moment, I felt the weight of dispair crushing down on me as I contemplated what new difficulties he will face. I wanted to scream in anger and shout out "it isn't fair!" but I learned long ago that fair has nothing to do with anything. Once again, I forced a smile on my face, thought about my blessings, and determined that I would not give in to such feelings. It is up to me to set the tone of our household, and a happy atmosphere I am determined to give it.
By the way, I can't even begin to imagine how our lives will change if he has tuberculosis! Remember that I am sure he does not, but if he does, well, things will definetly change. No room for that though, so I am putting those thoughts away somewhere until I have to face them, and I probably wont ever have to. Meanwhile, we are waiting for the test results, and in true See fashion, will deal with it when we know something. Oh, I am smiling as I write, it is all I can do about any of this right now!

It has been a better day!

Little Joe is much better and almost back to his sunny self. I am so relieved- I too feel much better, and I think that Jacob is also on the mend.
Last night, the Gentle Giant took Eli to a baseball game. The tickets were given to us from Nanamee, and although there were enough for Becky to go too, she stayed home with Little Joe-WHAT A FABULOUS MAMA! Becky is a die hard Astros fan, and the opportunity to go to a game for free was miserably hard to pass up. She wanted to go so badly, but Little Joe was feeling so bad, and so she stayed with him. Cudos to Becky. PaPa and Eli went though, and even though their seats were far up in the center field area, attendance was light and they were able to go down and sit on the seats in the front row of their area. Eli had so much fun, and so many goodies! He got a snowcone, a pretzel, some candy and some chips. Papa never tells the little ones that they have to be gastronomically responsible, matter of fact, his mantra is, "sugar 'em up and ship 'em home"! On the way back to the car, they crossed Polk street, and PaPa poked Eli saying, "we are crossing Poke street, and I get to poke you!" Eli told Papa that he hoped they would cross kick street next so that he could get PaPa back! The Astros lost, but that doesn't matter, the memory will never be lost!
Whoo-Hoo, my bread is selling! I know that it is not much money, but my little bread piggy bank is getting full! I will have to bake again tomorrow, as some of my customers are wanting more, sooner! It is so fullfilling to me to be able to use my talents in such a way- and, the berries are on the vines now, and will be for the next 6 weeks, so it is time to pick dewberries for jelly! On top of that, as usual, Heavenly Father has provided for me, and I found sugar for .99 a bag at a local store, and will price match it at Walmart. I will be able to get all the sugar I need for jelly season at a price for much less than I had budgeted for. Matter of fact, the price difference will allow me to get the pectin for the jelly for free! I am so tickled.
Nanamee came for dinner, along with Aunt Cheryl, Gail, Becky and Joe. I can't tell you how much I love being surrounded by my family. It is something I could not have imagined years ago. As I offered grace, my voice got thick and my eyes teared up just thinking about all the blessings I have. I am going to bed early, another whoo-hoo for me. Well, more tomorrow, and love to all.

Pooh-ville

Ughh- today not only was Little Joe sick along with me, but poor Jacob came down with it too! The whole day we lay around coughing and hacking- and in Little Joe's case puking too-and I began to feel sorry for myself. I mean, why should I have to be sick with kids too? Haven't I already done that? Why doesn't someone take care of Nana? My chest and throat hurts and coughing is pure torture! Wait a minute, back the train up. It is a blessing to be able to care for my sick grandchildren. The don't have to go to strangers when they feel bad, and if they puke on Nana, so what. And as far as someone taking care of Nana, Becky and Joe were very attentive all weekend, and Martin has been hovering since he got home. All Little Joe wants to do is lay on me-I better enjoy that while I can! Feeling sorry for yourself is very dangerous to your well being. I stopped my whining when I realized that the adversary was trying very hard to get me down. I went and got Jacob and Little Joe and snuggled in with them. Martin smiled at me in appreciation when he saw that I could handle things. The day improved. Martin asked me if I wanted a cold drink when he went out to the bank. I said yes, and got my mental chops ready for some real refreshment, as it is hard to swallow right now. I expected him back in about a half hour, but two hours later, he was still not home. The kids were feeling bad, and I had to pull my patience together, it really is not their fault that they express themselves in an annoying manner. I began to worry. What if something happened to him? I called the cell phone, but no answer. I had to feed the baby, and Jacob wanted some donuts. It is also bread day, and I had made 6 loaves, but some of them didn't rise the way I liked. My anxiety began to mount. Crying, coughing baby, hungry coughing 7 year old, barking dogs, and the phone ringing did not help at all! Finally, Martin called and told me he had gone to get his hair cut and "walk around in Home Depot". Didn't he realize what I was dealing with? A miracle occurred when I sweetly told him that I hoped he had enjoyed himself- and DON'T FORGET MY DRINK! Before he got home, Little Joe had puked on me again and Jacob continued to remind me that he was hungry. I was on the verge of tears, when, with a dashing, freshly cut hair and trimmed beard, Martin walked in the back door with LUNCH! Not only that, he had a 42 oz crushed ice cold drink, and a chicken leg for Little Joe and donuts for Jacob. Mind you, Little Joe does not get the meat off the bone, but just the bone itself so that he can teeth on it. (This is an old country way of helping babies teeth). Little Joe loves to gnaw on a chicken leg bone and he settled down happily in his high chair to chomp away. I kept my crabbiness to myself, and thanked him for being so "thoughtful". The afternoon was spent with Little Joe once again sleeping on me, and Jacob watching TV. Around 3 pm, Martin came in and sort of mentioned that he wished he could spend his afternoons holding a sleeping baby and watching cartoons. I gladly relenquished the baby and went to get Kayleigh off the bus. It was a lovely day out, so I took a bottle of bubbles out with me and sat on the yard swing, blowing bubbles with Kayleigh and discussing the mating habits of geckos, because a lizard was on the flagpole, blowing a red bubble on his neck to attract a female. Ahhh, the pleasures of spring! I finally took Kayleigh and went in, only to hear Martin calling for help. I rushed into the bedroom, and saw the problem. Little Joe had puked on HIM! Then, I heard the sweetest words- Martin said, "I don't know how you do this!" I told him that it was easy with a thoughtful husband who had "taken the time to get a haircut and walk through Home Depot". Well, as on every day before, the mom's came home to get their kids and I was able to settle down at last. As I collapsed on the recliner, I felt a funny sensation underneath me. I struggled up only to find that when Little Joe had puked on Martin, Martin just tossed the pukey washcloth into my recliner! Oh well, it is evening now and I am writing. Tomorrow will bring a better day, or should I say, more blessings of the same!

Ooops, I have been kind of lazy, but somehow, I got a cold. Saturday was miserable, and Sunday even worse. Today, I feel better, but how would I know, as the whole day was a mess. First, let me tell you that the Gentle Giant is HOME! Even though I felt awful yesterday, I had to go to the Airport to get him with Robby. I did miss church, and on Easter Sunday too, but believe me, I didn't feel like going. I didn't get much rest though, as the family was coming for Easter dinner to welcome Martin home, and I had to get stuff done. When we pulled up to the arrival ramp, and I saw Martin, I felt like a silly teenager, and began to wave and wave at him. He ran over to the truck and kissed me right in front of everyone! I didn't want to let go of him to let him get in the back seat, but I had to. He did bring me a pizza! We are going to have it for dinner tomorrow night. All of the children came with their parents for dinner to welcome PaPa home, and we had a really nice dinner. The Easter bunny had been generous to them, and everyone had a basket waiting at my house on the dining room table. After dinner, the older kids went to hide the eggs, and the little ones figited while they had to wait. It was still really light, and the kids went all over the yard, finding eggs in the oddest places, including on top of a large cactus. (That made me mad, I was so afraid that someone was going to get skewered). After all the eggs were found, the confetti eggs were smashed on top of unsuspecting heads. Eli thoughtfully broke a confetti egg in his hand and sprinkled the confetti on top of little Joe's head. We took lots of pictures, and I am so thankful for moments like these.
Now, back to today. Little Joe also has a cold. He also had two giant teeth coming in on top and is CRABBY! We took him to the doctor because he was pulling at his ear, and was told that it is teething and a small cold that is bothering him. He was pretty good until PaPa had to leave to take Aunt Cheryl to the doctor, and then the bottom fell out! Little Joe wanted PaPa and no one or nothing else! He cried for 2 hours until he just fell asleep. I am amazed at my level of patience! I just held him the whole time, making sure he wasn't wet,dirty or hungry. It was awful, because I feel awful too. Just about the time he got good and asleep, I had only 45 minutes until the bus came. Have you ever felt that desperate feeling of time slipping away as you are trying to get some sleep? It is like a boulder hanging over your head with a thin string holding it up. I gave up and just lay in bed watching the clock. Of course as soon as the kids came in, Little Joe woke up, but Eli and Jacob are good to help with him, and today they were a Godsend. Tonight, we got news that a sputeum test of Martin's came back positive with something, but we don't know what for sure just yet. We just threw up our hands, and went for Mexican food for dinner. I asked him if we should splurge like that, and he said why not, we needed some cheering up. So, we had an intimate little dinner, talking about the future and other things. It was so nice to be with him, I love him so much. Now, it is bedtime. That boulder is still hanging there, but I am going to ignore it. In 9 hours, Crabby will be back. Hopefully he will be in a better mood, but if not, I can handle it. Life is too precious to resent- I will enjoy each moment that I have left on this earth.

Easter Baskets

I have finished the Easter Baskets. I had to make 11 of them. It wasn't enough that I thought I had bought enough stuff, but today I went to the dollar store and bought a stuffed animal for everyone. The baskets are so nice, and since, as usual, I went overboard, I have a bunch of candy left over that will serve me well for my Sunday school class. It will be hard not to be impatient for church to end, as we will pick up PaPa right after. The girls are making a nice Easter dinner, and we are waiting for PaPa, so it will be served later. For me, instead of the Easter Bunny, I am getting the "Easter Hunny!" Tomorrow is the annual Easter egg hunt for the city of Seabrook, and it will be Little Joe's first Easter egg hunt! The city provides the plastic treat filled eggs, hot dogs, chips, cookies, drinks and pictures with the Easter Bunny. It is all free, and we have been going for as long as we have lived here. It is something to look forward to, and this year, it is even better, because Aunt Cheryl's family lives here now, and they won't have to drive the 50 miles that they have always driven to participate! I am still on cloud nine over the tremendous blessing of their being able to buy a house down here. It really humbles me to think that Heavenly Father is so good.
Oh, by the way, the Gentle Giant is bringing me a pizza! He has already bought it, and is freezing it so that it will make the trip. A real Chicago pizza, can you believe it? I hope it makes the trip, I really want to try it.
All is well, the family is dyeing Easter eggs at David's house, but I am really tired, and so I didn't go. As long as they get done, that is all that matters. So, more tomorrow!

Thursday

It is Thursday, and only 3 more days till the Gentle Giant comes home! Boy, this has been on long week! It is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I guess that is true, buy reuniting makes the dogs happier, Little Joe happy, and will do wonders for my nerves and feet! I realize now that Little Joe is so easier to watch because PaPa does so much for him. I can't seem to keep up with everything and Little Joe, but he comes first, so everything else has had to wait! Things will calm down when PaPa gets home, and we all realize how much he means to us after having had to be without him for all this time.
I am really excited because tomorrow, I am going to make whole wheat pasta for the first time. I received my fabulous pasta machine yesterday, and can't wait to use it. I am soooo glad that I invested in this machine, the quality is impressive and it weighs a ton, meaning that it won't go scooting all over the counter when I am using it. I know that I don't make a lot of money when I make and sell bread, but the orders are coming in pretty steady, and now, hopefully, orders for pasta will come too.
The kids are out for Easter break starting tomorrow, and I am so glad to be able to get some rest. My friend said today that she didn't understand why I keep the grandchildren, but I told her that the peace of mind knowing that my dear babies have someone to come to each day that really loves them means so much. I always wondered what I wanted to be when I grew up, and now I know- a Nana! Even so, on days when they don't come, it is nice not to have to adhere to a schedule. (I hate having to be on a schedule!) So, I leave you now, with only 3 more days until I am complete again. PaPa said he had a surprise for me, I wonder what it is? Oh yes, did I tell you he has learned to text? He is really enjoying sending pictures of anything that he feels I would like to see. Welcome to the texting age PaPa!

More Pizza

I just wanted to show a picture of a box of cereal at a local grocery store close to where Aaron is staying, and if you look closely, you will see that it is over 7.00 a box. The Gentle Giant could not resist sending this to me, he has learned to text and send photos from his phone, and is having a great time doing it! I just talked to him, and he and Aaron are back at the pizza place for dinner. It must be some really good pizza!

Well, really not much to report. I talked to the Gentle Giant, and he spent the day watching old re-runs of the classics such as Hazel, Leave It To Beaver, The Munsters, and some old westerns. He is having a very relaxing time, and he said that later in the day, he was going to buy some souvenier T-shirts for the family. He loves to buy T-shirts everywhere he goes. Walgreens always has the best prices for T-shirts for whichever town you are in. They had a big old sloppy slice of Chicago pizza for dinner! Lucky bums!

Gosh, I have done some more organizing. I went through my workcenter and threw out everything that I hadn't used in over a year. I gave a bunch of canned goods to Aunt Cheryl's family, found (and tossed) a bunch of mismatched place mats, lots of old papers with recipes, coupons, and on and on. I am happy to say, that now I have a place for all my cast iron pans, (shapes for cornbread) my FoodSaver, my large canning pot, a whole deep drawer for mason jars and rings, and another drawer to keep my instruction books for some of my small appliances. I also moved the tablecloths and matched sets of placemats to another available spot in a distant closet, and just feel so tickled that I got it all done.

That was yesterday. Today was bread day, and that got done, along with dealing with clingy Little Joe, and the usual stuff. I have to admit something. I love seasonings and spices. In an earlier blog, I mentioned that I had organized my spices to a large drawer of their own. Well, today, I received some more spices from my favorite spice company. The prices are fantastic, and soooo much less expensive than the store. I started to put them in the huge spice drawer, and then, I thought I would alphabetize them. So, here they are, a testament to the fact that I am truly bored!

I guess I should consider the fact that I don't eat meat, and some of these are for seasoning meat, but I am already brainstorming as to how they would work on shrimp, fish, and textured vegetable protien. Okay, yep, I am bored. Well, Dancing with the Stars is on, so I will go and watch my favorite show. After that, a shower, and crochet. Oh, save me, I am really bored!

More Chicago!

The boys are settled in and living like bachelors. They bought groceries and have stocked the little studio apt that Aaron will be staying while he is in Chicago. Martin is shocked at the gas prices, and also told me that groceries were much higher than in Houston. He said a can of tuna was 1.49. I told him, "you aint in Texas, are you?"He is planning to stay in during the day, and perhaps seeing the sights with Aaron after Aaron gets back from the hospital.

I tried to show a pic of the gas prices, but if it is not clear, some of them are almost 5.00 a gallon! It is more difficult than I thought it would be to have Martin gone. I got kind of morose today, but I took care of that with a couple of Little Debbie Easter cakes! Not much else to report,except that Aunt Cheryl and her family are all moved in. She spent the night with me last night, but tonight, I am all by myself, except for the dogs, the cat and probably a lizard that might have sneaked in! Tomorrow is a new day, we'll see what I have to report then.