Last night after I wrote, I almost called an ambulance for Martin. He could barely breathe at all, and I was really frightened. He refused to go, so I watched him while he took breathing treatments and finally settled down. As long as he doesn't get up and down, he is comfortable. When Aunt Cheryl and I were leaving for church today, he called me over and said, "Pray extra for me". I felt so sad to hear him talk like that, and it was really on my mind while the Sacrament was being passed. I was deep in prayer for Martin, and then a strong thought came to me. The thought was, "You must understand that Martin is really ill, and it is up to you to take care of him and make him comfortable. He has run a good race, now, he needs rest". I felt such peace, and then the thoughts came that he would soon be at his worker's comp hearing, and things will work out for us there. Just because he was doing better, does not mean it is permanent, and he will always be dependent on steroids for any quality of life.

This is very sobering to me. I don't feel rage, or dispair, there are no tears or condemnation, I just have a deep sense of gratitude for all we have had, and all we will have. Life does change, and I am fortunate to have been able to open my eyes to this new chapter. We are so very fortunate, have so many blessings, and even in the midst of turmoil, we have the comfort of being provided for.

I guess the future will bring PaPa enjoying his life more, and being able to rest and recuperate. I will never stop fighting for him or for his rights, the right to harvest his hard-won efforts through labor, his rights to have peace, his rights to know that he is loved and respected, not only by me but by so many others. These 40 years have gone by so fast, and we have accomplished exponentially more than we ever thought we could. This time on earth is but a speck in time compared to the eternities that await us, so I guess this is practice time!