Martin met with his pulmonolgist today, and since he is still having so much difficulty, the doctor said we must finally consider a rather radical proceedure called bronchial thermoplasty. This means that they would go into Martin's lungs and, with a laser, zap his bronchial tubes and basically cook them. The reason for this is so that the bronchial tubes will scar and will no longer be able to react to allergens, thus keeping the tubes open at all times. It is a newer proceedure, and will take some time to get insurance approval, but, we will do it. Martin really struggles with his lungs, and maybe this will be what it takes to get some relief. If Martin continues to struggle like this, and the bronchial thermoplasty doesn't work, then if the condition becomes life-threatening, (right now it is just difficult, but with many medications he can still breathe) the only other option is a lung transplant. When the doctor told us this, I passed out. I don't mean to be such a sissy, but sometimes, when bad news hits, my mind goes into overload, and the result is that I faint. I am better now, I know that Heavenly Father will guide us with this.
Our dear Bobbie Jo died 3 years ago today. I am happy to say that I didn't spend the day in tears, but was able to enjoy sharing memories of her with Martin. I can't wait to be with her again, I know that life goes on after death and that families are forever. Without this knowlege, I don't know how I could cope. I love my Bobbie Jo so very much, and how I miss her. After 3 years, it still seems like she is going to come through the door or call me. It has been 20 years since Little Otto died, and like with Bobbie Jo, my heart still hurts fiercely, but I have such dear memories of him, and somehow can go on with my life. As I type these words, I feel like screaming, the pain is so intense, but it will ease and I will be okay. My two dear children are together, waiting for the rest of us. They do not want me to suffer like this, and so, I try not to. You never stop hurting for them, but it gets better as the years pass. To them I say, "Mama loves you both, and I miss you. We will be together again".