Still on the Road!

Well, the Gentle Giant and Aaron passed through St. Louis this afternoon and sent me this picture. St. Louis is my birthplace, and my mother said she could see the arch from her hospital room window. It was also 115 degrees outside that day, and there was no airconditioning in the hospital. My grandfather brought a portable air conditioner in for me and mother- and that was quite an accomplishment back in 1954! The boys are having fun and should be in Chicago pretty soon. I told Martin to eat a Chicago hotdog and some real pizza, and to tour the city if he can. He said he is going to watch tv while Aaron is at the hospital, and they will decide what to do after he gets home. I wish I could be with them, but they will never forget this special time together- and I am so happy for both of them.
I watched General Conference today, and for those of you who are not familiar, that is a world-wide broadcast given twice a year from Salt Lake City, in which our Prophet and leaders speak to the whole world at once. Conference lasts for two days, with four sessions that are two hours each. It is amazing to be able to know that members all over the world are worshiping together. There will be no local services tomorrow, but again, conference will be shown. We, as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or the Mormon Church as it is also known, believe that a Prophet lives today, as in Jesus Christ's day, and 12 apostles as well. Conference consists of talks from these leaders, to help and guide us in these difficult times. I bring this up, because today, one of the talks seemed to be directed directly to me. It was a talk about adversity, and how we deal with it being the means of having a good life or not. The examples given gave me strength, and made me realize that I am not alone in my difficulties of life. I hope that the trials I have faced and the ones I currently face, will be the means of making me more like Christ. I am kind of lonely. I keep looking for Martin, to ask him something, to make a comment, or just to be with him. I am surprised to see the TV remote right where I last put it, instead of having been moved and the program changed. There are no empty ice cream cups on the dresser, and my brush is where I left it. I let the dogs sleep with me last night because there was so much room in the bed, and was startled as I woke feeling fur instead of Martin! Becky is keeping me busy, and Sissy has been calling me to see how I am doing. The whole family came for dinner, as Aunt Cheryl, Gail, Polly, Ricky and the girls were blessed to be able to buy a nice house close to me with room for all of them, and they moved in today. It is such a miracle, that Heavenly Father has done this for them, and now, the entire family lives very close to each other, and we don't have to travel so far to visit. Aunt Cheryl and I are known as "Lucy and Ethel" because we love to go to Walmart together, sit and crochet together and just spend time together. Now, it will be more so, and having them move near, will help me while Martin is gone. I can't wait to see what else I can report on the boys and their travel, but I will be sure and let you know!

Chicago!

Well, surprise! The Gentle Giant is traveling! Our son, Aaron, is going to Chicago today to begin training on whatever orthopedic surgeons train for. We didn't know he was going today, and when he told us last night he would be driving, the idea occurred to me that Martin could meet him in Dallas and go with him, so that he wouldn't have to drive all that way alone. I mentioned it to the girls, and before I knew it, Sissy had bought a ticket to Dallas, and Becky had bought a ticket home from Chicago. He left today at noon, and I won't see him again until Easter Sunday. I am so happy for him, we both miss our son so much, and this will give Martin and Aaron time to spend together. So, I am single for the next 9 days! It is so very weird to be alone with the dogs, but I have peace and quiet for the next 2 days, and then it starts again. Speaking of that, Little Joe is still teething those big top teeth. It was like having a badger in the house. He is such a sweet boy, never any trouble, and I knew he was uncomfortable today when he cried and cried to be held. I don't think that is spoiling a child, he just needed comfort, but believe me, I felt all 26 pounds of him all day long! I did put him down for a moment to get the bread out of the oven, and the next thing I knew, he was in the potatoes on the bottom shelf of the baker's rack in the kitchen. Time for sure to "baby proof" the house! I am so thankful for my grandchildren, so thankful to be with them, and I wish so much that I could see the other 4 each day who live in El Paso. One thing for sure, it keeps me young to have them every day. I will report on Martin's adventures in Chicago, but so far, here is what happened. A very large woman got on the bus with super stretch pants, (martin says those poor pants were screaming for help) and a gold stretch muscle shirt, with no foundations underneath any of it. She smiled big at him, but he thought quickly and he smiled big at the guy across the aisle! She got the message and walked on to the back. When he got to Dallas, as soon as he got off the bus there, someone asked to use his cell phone, a couple of people asked him for money, and truth be told, there was a "drive-up" dope dealer right outside the front of the terminal! Cars were actually driving up to this guy, slipping him money, and he was giving them drugs! I had warned Martin that there could be some shady characters on the bus, and he said the bus was fine-it's when he got off that the action started. Fortunately, Aaron picke him up right away, and at this writing, they are spending the night in Oklahoma City. More tomorrow!

40 pounds!

Well, I am at it again. I am a member of the Zaycon foods network, and they are having a great special on meat right now.
Zaycon foods is a company that sells fresh meats and fish without the hormones or preservatives so commonly found in store bought meats and fish. They have what they call a "sales event" about 5 times a year, and you pre-purchase online, and pick it up at a pick up point. The product is fabulous, and even a great savings.
Today, Martin and I are going to pick up tilapia fillets at a church in Baytown Tx. You have to buy the items in 20 pound boxes, take them home and separate them for future use. The tilapia taht we are picking up today was 2.49 a pound and boneless filets. I, like usual, went over board and ordered 40 pounds.
I like tilapia. I love it broiled, fried, baked, grilled and in tacos. Tilapia absorbs seasonings well and doesn't have a fishy taste. (I hate any fish that tastes like fish, such as catfish). I will bring this load home, separate the fillets and seal them in small food saver bags for future use. Using the food saver extends the fresh date by several months or even over a year.
Martin was surprised that I bought so much. Me too, but I will share with Sissy and others who don't mind reimbursing me for the purchase price per pound.
Zaycon foods also offers Salmon, 93-7 ground beef, meaning only 7 percent fat in the beef, bacon, and other items that are available in season. I get notices when a sale is coming up, and try to save accordingly.
A dear friend told me the other day, that I was an industrious person. That was quite a compliment to me, because, I hope I am. Sissy mentioned the other day that maybe I could make whole wheat pasta from my freshly ground wheat. I think that is a good idea, and I also think maybe others will want some since it is whole grain with no preservatives and freshly ground. My industrious self will try to offer it to friends and see what happens. I was able to find a new pasta machine on the internet for very little, and that can be my starting point. If I do well with that, eventually I can step up to a much better machine. I now have 8 customers for bread. That is not a lot, but all of them really like my bread, and order regularly. I am so tickled!
I am also recovering from a major boo-boo. As many of you know, I cannot digest meat, dairy or eggs. since I was affected by E-coli over 4 years ago. I sure wish I could eat those things but the consequenses are horrible. When I eat anything with meat, dairy or eggs in it, I get huge intestinal flu symptoms for 2-3 days. The pain is incredible and the rest is horrible. So, stupid me, I can't seem to get it through my head that eating those things will make me ill. I know to never eat any meat except seafood, which, thank goodness doesn't make me ill, no dairy or eggs. I know this, but I don't always think. On Tuesday, I made cake for dinner, and when the bowl was empty, licked the spoon. Not a lot, just a little, because, a little won't hurt, right? No, that is very, very wrong! The symptoms can start from a couple of hours after I have ingested the food to the next day. I woke yesterday with a stomach ache and an explosive occurrence of the "Big D", well you know what I mean. I was miserably sick all day, and thankfully, my Gentle Giant kept Little Joe for me. When I get sick like this, I live on coca cola and crushed ice. Nothing else stays down. My sweetheart has helped me so much, that I even told him what I had done. That was my second mistake, as I have had to listen to him about how I know better, will I ever learn, what does it take to get through my head, and so on. He is right of course, but I love cake batter! I have been to many doctors to find how to deal with this, and the final line is always, "you can be a vegetarian! That's good for you!" Well, to doctors everywhere I say, I don't want to be a vegetarian! I love meat, fried chicken, bar-b-que, bacon, sausage, eggs and milk. Even after over 4 years, my mouth waters when I smell these delights, and Thanksgiving is the worst day of the culinary year for me. On the upside, I have lost 80 pounds, my colesterol is great, and I am in general, much better off. I guess these are the cards I have been dealt, so that is that.
Now you know why I am excited about tilapia. I sign off now to go an pick mine up. I will let you know how this turns out.
The Gentle Giant is trying to deal with his limitations. Having Little Joe, Eli, Jacob and Kayleigh each day help him feel useful. We talked today about the blessings of having our grandchildren near, and also being here for them. Each day brings new challenges and blessings, and I am especially thankful for the blessings.

Random

Gosh it seems like tired is my middle name! I don't want to complain though, I have too much else to be grateful for. I made six loaves of bread today, and the house smells so good. Sissy had a good idea, she thought I could start making pasta as well as bread. Can you imagine how good the pasta would be from freshly ground wheat? I asked her to get me a pasta machine and she said she would, so maybe we won't have to wait too long to find out. Tomorrow the sales papers come out, and that is one of the best days of the week. Even if I can't go and buy the stuff, it is fun to see how I could price match. I can't even wait for the papers to arrive in the mail, I usually cheat and look up the specials on the web. Maybe tomorrow will find some sales on soup. I always have a use for cream of mushroom or tomato soup. Tonight I made some vegetable soup, and Little Joe seemed to really enjoy it. He is 8 months old now, where is the time going?
Martin is struggling so much with his breath. I feel like my heart has plummeted to my feet when I hear him wheezing and coughing. On Sunday, once again, I realized that this is something that is not going to just clear up. How I wish I could do it for him. In six hours, the bubbling joy that is Little Joe is going to show up. Soon after that, Eli and Jacob, and maybe Kayliegh. I will bound out of bed, start the "strong man food" put the biscuits in the oven, and get Little Joe's breakfast ready. I am so grateful that I have my grandchildren. It is wonderful that t hey are so much in my life. Not many Nana's can say that. If I could only see the other 4 grandchildren, it would be perfect. Well, if I don't sign off now, I won't exactly be "bounding" out of bed, more like crawling! Tomorrow starts a new day. I will tell you all about it!

I made it to church today. I still feel so tired, and my head was killing me, but I knew that the only way to lift my spirits was to go to church, enjoy the fellowship and serve by teaching my Sunday School class. My class is so sweet. They look at me with such trusting eyes, and soak in whatever I say to them. This is very sobering, as I don't ever want to steer them in the wrong direction. I don't read from the lesson, I make sure and memorize the lesson so that I don't have to break eye contact with them. If I am interested in them, then they are interested in me. I can't count the number of Sunday School classes I have taught over the last 37 years, those children from the early years are grown and have children of their own, but it is always the same. The children love and trust you, and it is a tremendous gift.
The ladies meeting, (we call it Relief Society) was also wonderful. Our teacher put so much effort in her lesson, and it really showed. We are fortunate to have members who care about us enough to really make an effort, and it is humbling to me that they do. I am certainly a better wife, mother, Nana, aunt and daughter of God because of all the lessons I have been privileged to attend.
I was kind of naughty today too- I talked Becky and Joe into taking me for dinner as I was feeling so bad, and didn't have the energy to come home and cook. Becky had made a wonderful breakfast this morning, and Martin and I went down to their house. As soon as I walked in the door, Little Joe began to squeal and reach for me. This tickled me, because I thought it was that he had missed me and wanted to be with me. This may be true, but in fact, it was time for breakfast, he was hungry, and the Cream of Wheat had yet to be made. I must look like some giant feeding spoon to him! Becky was back and forth in the kitchen, and so I went and cooked his cereal. He slurped it down, and then was happily content. By the way, he is pulling up to the furniture and making small steps along the side while holding on. This little boy didn't even roll over until the 5th month, and now he is taking off like a rocket. He is still only 7 months, and will probably walk within the next two months. Nana is not ready for that! He is a sturdy as a Clydesdale, and thankfully so very healthy. Strong too, today at church he grabbed for my hair, and pulled some of it out. I will have to explain to him that Nana doesn't have any hair to spare! Well, it is nighttime now, and I have just only gotten out of bed to write the blog. I think about my readers, and appreciate the opportunity to put my thoughts on paper. I feel connected to the outside world- how grateful am for the internet and modern media. I love who I am. I have learned to do so because of all the wonderful people in my life. Friends and family have loved me to where I am today. Being older has it's perks, as I mentioned earlier tonight, I have taught for many years at church, and more and more I run across people who I realize were once young children in my class. I don't always remember which class it was, but they do, and warm my heart by saying things like they will never forget the time together, or other activities we did together. I am thankful for the gifts of the Gospel, one of many which is the association with Heavenly Father's children and my Savior.

pooped out

I am in a daze. A daze of fatigue. I am sore, my throat hurts, my legs feel like noodles and my vision is becoming blurry. No, I am fine, but the last three days have taxed my resources. I can happily report that today was relatively non-eventful, and I have spent the better part of the afternoon in bed with my crochet. I have a "nervous blanket". It is an afghan that I started to keep my fingers busy and my mind off the difficulties we face. The way I am going with it, soon it will fit my king-sized bed. People keep asking me when it is going to be done. I am not sure. Maybe when it goes floor to floor on the bed, I will start making "nervous curtains" and "nervous-pillows". This afternoon, it gained a couple of rounds. I also made bread, and went to walmart with becky. Like I said, pretty non-eventful. So, I say goodnight. I have to teach Sunday school tomorrow, and plan on making Sunday dinner. I hope all goes as planned!

Birthday in Kemah

Tonight we celebrated the March birthday's at Kemah boardwalk. This is a truly wonderful place, very overpriced, and a great place to have a birthday party in March. We had dinner at the Saltgrass restaurant, where one of the waiters turned out to be a young man who was a young boy when he lived down the street from us. He recognized me right away, and I was really touched, as I haven't seen him in at least 8 years.

PaPa and I arrived early with Kayleigh so that she could ride the train. She played one of the arcades and won a large stuffed animal, and after that, it was the Merry go round, and then time for dinner. After dinner, it was back to the rides. Since she is little, she could not and didn't even want to, ride the bigger rides. The Merry go round is two storied, and of course, she wanted to ride the top floor. Okay, let's see- the stairs leading up to the top floor were so narrow and winding, that it was a fat woman's nightmare. But I am Nana you see, and so, up I went. All I could think as I took my life in my hands, was that the people behind me had their vision blocked by my huge hiney. I squeezed myself up those stairs and Kayleigh decided that she wanted to ride a plain old horse. Now, there were unicorns, zebras, seahorses, even a frog, but no, she wanted to ride the regular horse. Okay, ride whatever you want- and as the ride began to circle, believe it or not, I got motion sick. I had a huge shrimp dinner in my stomach, and as the ride continued, I felt more and more ill. I was on the second story of a Merry go round, swaying with the motion of the thing, and started wondering if I could even hold my dinner down. Looking over the edge of the railing didn't help, after all I am going at a smart clip 25 feet above the ground, and discovered that even if I did spew, I would hit at least 50 or more merry makers waiting for their turn to ride, or taking pictures of their kids, or just standing around. Finally, the ride began to slow, and I turned to go down the stairs. Kayliegh then decided that she wanted to ride the seahorse, and that was fine, as I didn't have to mount the stairs again. She got settled and I sat myself down in the bench next to the seahorse. The next thing I know, the teenager who was manning the ride, climbed the stairs and came over to me. "You have to exit the amusement before you can ride again" he said. I patiently explaned that Kayliegh had a band that allowed her to ride all night for one price. He told me that the rules were very clear, and I had to exit the ride if Kayleigh wanted to ride again. "Nana, I want to ride the seahorse!"exclaimed Kayliegh. I said, "she wants to ride the seahorse, and if I exit the ride, I have to go down those narrow stairs, go all the way around the ride, get back on the ride, hope that someone else doesn't get the seahorse first, and then, at the risk of my life, haul my fat hiney up those stairs again! Now, move it mister, she wants to ride the seahorse!" The little pissant gathered his courage and told me once again that the ride could not start until everyone who was previously riding got off and new people got on. A sheen of perspiration formed on his lip as he stood his ground, and I realized that this "six dollar an hour genius" was not going to back down. So, like the gracious lady that I am, I told Kayleigh that we had to get off the ride and get back on. She said, "Nana, I guess I am not going to get to ride the seahorse, huh?" I smiled and told her that she could if she wanted, and she decided that there was much more to do than to torture Nana with the stairs. (what a good girl!) Then, I had to go back down the stairs, and my feet were twice as long as the treads of the stairs. I could not see to dance lightly down those life taking stairs, so I took them one at a time, while the crowd waited for me to exit. I could hear murmers, and I know what they were, but too bad, this fat old granny wasn't risking my life! Fortunately for me, Kayleigh rode a few other rides and then I decided that we needed to find PaPa. It was rather late, and Kayleigh was getting tired, so we were able to get in the car without too much drama. Oh, by the way, I forgot the birthday cake and Robby's gift at home, so I guess we will all assemble once again tomorrow to eat birthday cake! We did have a wonderful time, and I know that no matter what the rest may bring, the blessings far outweigh the troubles.

Sometimes I think I am too old for this! As I readied breakfast, got Little Joe to the table, seated the boys, fed Little Joe and got the boys off for school, the foremost thought in my mind was that Martin and I had to be downtown in little under 2 hours for his consultation for the proceedure on his lungs.
I hadn't slept for most of the night, as my mind was racing over many things, nothing in particular, and I felt exhausted already at only 7:30 am. I picked up Little Joe, gave him a big squeeze and knew right away that he was extremely "squishy" meaning "you know what!" With a hugh sigh, I took him back to change him, (he was so very aromatic), got the diaper, the wipes and his bottle. He is a wiggle worm now, and changing him is a real challenge, but never more than when he has done his best, and I found myself staring at an overwhelmed pamper, grabbing for the wipes, trying to subdue the little tornado, and doing my best to keep poo off of my comforter. I got the brilliant idea to let Little Joe hold his bottle for a moment to distract him, and it worked great until, when in the process of shoving the "didey, wipes and contents" into the diaper genie, I heard him squeal. I looked back at him, and the little buggar had managed to loosen the top of his bottle and the milk had poured all over him and my comforter! The clock was ticking, and now I had to change him again, change his clothes and scream at Martin to get his big bohunckus out of bed. I was still in my nightgown, which was also soon milk soaked, as well as the undies beneath it. I took Little Joe to the big recliner, changed him and dressed him and plunked him in his playpen. I then yanked off the sheets, almost depositing Martin on the floor, (he told me he heard me the first time, I didn't have to get so extreme!), took my nightgown and undies along with the sheets to the washer, and came back and took a shower. Little Joe was fussing, and Martin made the causal comment that maybe I should take a moment and get a bottle for the baby. I considered throwing the soap-filled scrubby at his head, but then I would only have to get it back, and so I suggested in a very unlady-like manner that maybe HE should get the baby a bottle, and he looked at me like I was crazy. He said, "first you holler at me, then you practically throw me on the floor, then you yell at me to feed the baby. What's got into you this morning?" I poked my head out of the shower, and with monumental patience, told him that time was wasting, and I could use a little help! With a wounded look, he said, "well all you had to do was ask!" I finished my shower, got dressed, did my hair, took my medicine for the morning, brushed my teeth, cleaned my trach and went into the bedroom to find Martin standing around fully dressed, holding the baby in one arm and the bottle in his other hand. His attitude was one of "I don't know why you make such a bid deal out of everything, see? It is easy!" and I graciously suggested that he take the baby to the car and I would get everything else. Everything else means, the diaper bag, the toys, the food, the stroller and myself. As I stomped through the house with all this stuff, I glanced at the clock, and found it to be only 8:00 am. All that happened in only half an hour?
The rest of the day went pretty much the same, and I was so tired that I didn't think I could even finish the day, not to mention putting up with all the crap. Martin took Little Joe and I to lunch at the Golden Corral, and that was nice, and I even began to believe that things might be looking up- and then on the way home it happened. For absolutely no reason in the world, I got a laryngeal spasm, and went into a horrible choking fit. I could not breath, could not stop coughing, began to feel faint, scared the dickens out of Little Joe, and worst of all, wet my pants. I must have choked for at least five minutes, somehow being able to get little gasps of air in between the massive coughing, and after all that, I felt my lunch trying to come up. We were at least 15 minutes from home, and after I got some sort of control, Martin threw a napkin at me, "just in case I puked". By now, Little Joe was screaming in terror, I felt absolutely miserable, realized I had wet the seat of the car, was doing my best to keep my lunch down, and also trying not to whack Martin in the back of the head. Finally, finally, we got home and my magnificent husband told me, "you go on in sweetie, I'll get the baby. It looks like you could use another shower!" Bless him. I took his suggestion, and as I went through the back gate to get into the house, the jubilant monsters known as the dogs in our family jumped with joy to see that we were home. I wanted to punch them, but I know that if I had, they would probably have sailed over the fence at the far end of the yard. I made it to the bathroom, took a shower, put on fresh clothes and thought joyously of falling into bed to sleep the afternoon away. My hopes were dashed as I saw the naked bed with no sheets on it. I took the comforter and spread it out and lay down on top of it, and said to heck with all of it. I finally got an hour nap, and then, the bus came, the kids got home, Little Joe woke up hungry and wet and on and on. Well, I am going to bed now, and lay this day aside. Tomorrow will be better, right? It better be!

Dried fruit

Today, I went and picked up my dried fruit order that I had ordered through the church. As usual, I over-ordered, and ended up with MANY pounds of wonderful dried fruit, such as dried pineapple, dried cranberries, (sooo much better than craisins), raisins and dried banana chips. The price was too good to be true, but it was, and now my food storage is even better than before. I didn't realize what 25 pounds of dried cranberries looked like, but it is way more than I thought. They taste so good, not so sweet and wonderfully tart. They are much bigger than craisins, and a lovely bright color. I will enjoy these for a long time! I often look at the dried sweetened pineapple at walmart, but never buy as it is too costly. Tonight, I had 12 pounds to bag up, and I nibbled and nibbled! The raisins are plump and sweet, very moist, and the banana chips crunchy and fabulous.
I have a food saver machine, and I put it to good use tonight. I always look at garage sales to find the plastic rolls to make into the food saver bags, and I have several rolls. Martin and I spent an hour making bags, filling bags, and sucking the oxygen out of the bags and sealing them. I love these food saver machines, the food inside the sealed bags are completely oxygen free, and the bags suck down into a hard brick that I guess you could kill something with if you threw it.
Little Joe is crawling. He is getting around pretty good, but he hasn't figured out how to back out of some place if he gets stuck. For instance, he loves to crawl up on the footrest part of his play saucer, but he can't turn around to get out of it, and it really scares him. He howls like a stuck pig, (no pun intended) and I have to unstick him each time. He whimpers at me like it is my fault-and then goes right back and gets stuck again. Maybe he will figure it out. He loves to eat too. Gone are the days when he would spit food back at me, it is all I can do to shovel it in him now. All he has to do is see his little dinner plate, and he lets me know it is time to eat! He recognizes the sounds of the microwave too, because that is how I heat his dinner. In the morning, when I am making his hot cereal, he figits and squirms in his seat as soon as the package comes out of the cupboard. Yes, he is growing and fast!
We still have had no word from the college. They were supposed to contact our attorney on Monday with a plan to bring Martin back, but as yet, no word. They can take their sweet time for all I care, as long as they keep paying Martin.
His lungs are getting worse. Every two weeks, he is supposed to get a special injection to help his immune system and his lungs. These shots cost 2400.00 each, and our co-pay is 480.00, but the manufacturer abosorbs the co-pay for us, and Martin is a test subject for them. He has been taking them for about 9 months, and sadly, they don't seem to be working. We have started the process for him to be approved for the Bronchial Thermoplasty proceedure. If that doesn't work, eventually he will probably need a lung transplant. I pray daily for him. I cannot believe that he continues to get worse. He is on 11 different medications for his lungs and heart, and there seems to be no end in sight. I still have faith that whatever Father's will is, will be the best for us. I can't help feeling so bad for Martin though, his coughing, wheezing and malaise is so hard to watch. The steroids he takes have made his skin very thin, and with the slightest scratch he bleeds like a river due to the blood thinners he is on for his heart. Several times recently I have seen blood streaming down an arm or his face, or from his hands, and it shocks me so much. I always exclaim, "what happened to you now"!! He usually doesn't even know he has been injured. After we clean off the blood, there is usually only a tiny scratch. He has had to stop playing with the cat, as the cat is used to being rough with Martin, and can scratch him. A couple of weeks ago, Martin's hand looked like it had been through a meat grinder after he and the cat went at it. Poor cat, misses his rough play.
There is much to get used to. I am not griping, but it is so new to me to have to make so many concessions.
Tonight someone asked me what I wanted for my 40th anniversary. I said that I wanted nothing, and Martin hooted. He told me that he had been married to me for almost 40 years, and never an anniversary has come and gone that I made sure he knew exactly what I wanted for a gift. But I was being truthful, and the though surprised me because I am so spoiled, and have always gotten a really nice anniversary gift. As I thought about it, I realized that I really don't want a gift. I only want Martin. I am so grateful that he is still here with me, and no gift can match that. I just want to be with him and tell him daily that I love him so much. What a surprise though, it is just not like me to pass up a present!

Birthday Boy

Oh my goodness, as usual, we have a story to tell. Yesterday, March 18, was very special for 2 reasons. First, it is the Gentle giant's birthday. As you know, this family does nothing in a small way, and for Martin's birthday, we had a cookout. Hamburgers and veggie burgers, hot dogs and veggie dogs, french fries and macaroni and cheese: the feast was huge! Almost the whole family was here, but I will tell you in a moment why I say almost. Martin turned 58 yesterday, and in addition to the feast, we had a yummy birthday cake. We all ate, laughed, played, ate some more, sang Happy Birthday and the little ones had blue lips from the frosting. Yes, indeed, it was some party. The only thing is, well, Martin wasn't even here! Nope, no birthday boy! See, he went to a tournament with Jaybird and the games ran late and he didn't even make it home until after everyone was gone! He said it was so important to him to be with Jaybird at his tournament, and he really enjoyed the day being with Jaybird. The rest of us really enjoyed his birthday too- but without him. Now, to be honest, I was kind of put out that he didn't make it home in time. Fortunately, after 40 years together, I have learned to pick my battles, and being mad about this just isn't a battle I want to pick. I do want to say, that the other reason this was a special day, is that it is the 40th anniversary of the day we met! I know that sounds kind of silly, commemorating the day you met your sweetheart, but we have always done so, and this year, I wanted it to be especially memorable. Well, I won't forget that he wasn't here for our day, or even his day, so I guess it is memorable after all!
When he finally came quietly through the back door, I was waiting for him at the kitchen table. I had a big smile on my face, and I said, "Happy birthday sweetheart. We sure missed you at your party!" I could see the anxious look on his face as he came in, he was probably wondering how I was going to take his absence, but when he saw me smiling, he relaxed and smiled back. He told me how he had enjoyed his day with Jaybird, and how glad he was that I realized that he would have been home if he could have. He always worries about how Jaybird feels about Bobbie Jo being gone, and not able to go to his games, and feels that maybe it helps if he can go and support Jaybird. Later that night, I reminded him of the fact that we had met 40 years ago, and he looked at me with surprise. "Really? Today is our anniversary? I guess I forgot" he said. I told him not to worry about it, and he could make it up to me on our 40th wedding anniversary! He promised he would.
We have heard nothing about his job as yet. The attorney for the college said that when spring break was over, they would begin the process of bringing Martin back to work. I don't know how long that "process" will take, but it is in Heavenly Father's hands and I am not going to worry about it. For now, I will continue to prepare for the future in case his job just doesn't work out, and take advantage of the paychecks while they continue. It will be fun to watch the future unfold, no matter what happens!

Continued Joy

Well, nothing much to report, but I do have a quiet sense of peace and satisfaction tonight. We had the whole family over for dinner. That means 20+ people were in my home, all of them hungry, and all of them waiting to eat. Martin took out a bar-b-qued brisket that he had in the freezer, chopped it up and covered it with bar-b-que sauce. He then put it into a large crock pot that I have, and Aunt Cheryl washed, oiled and wrapped 15lbs of potatoes and put them in the oven. I had price-matched the potatoes at Walmart for .99 cents for a 5 lb bag, so I bought three bags and we used them all. The house was full, and finally so were all the tummies. As I sat surrounded by kids, teens and adults, once again, the feeling of joy so strong came over me. It was really nice.
In addition, I went to Kroger and bought 3ltr bottles of Ozarka water for .50 each. I knew if I waited I would find a great deal on water, and so far I have taken advantage of it. My goal is to get at least 50 bottles for the food storage, and this is a great opportunity for the family to help. I have told the families to contribute 10 bottles each, and this will easily meet my goal without my having to dip into my budget. The only challenge now is to find room to store it all. Not worried though, it will be fun to see what I can do about it. Even as I type, I am looking around at the possible places to put the water.
If Martin successfully returns to work, I am still going to continue to utilize my food storage. I think the time has come for all of us to act on the advice of our Prophets, past and present, to obtain and use a food storage. Now is the time to act, to learn while we still have time and to teach our children so that they can be ready to help theirs. I have a testimony that a food storage is vital for the future of our families, and I hope that I can relay my experience and determination into helping others. More than just storing food, is to frugally use what we have. I have finally broken the awful habit of going out for food, a habit that became very prominent since Hurricane Ike. More and more I am saying "no" when asked to go out, and instead, offering to cook at home. It often surprises me at how easy it is to make a meal on the run, and the feeling of accomplishment is so very worth the effort. So many changes have come from this ongoing set of trials, and most of them are wonderful. Each day brings more strength and feelings of worth.

David and Cheryl

Spring is here! This is my favorite time of year! I just love to stand outside and smell the spring air, see the birds, the flowers and so much more. Across the field from me, lives a deer family. Well, maybe they are just a deer herd, but there are small ones and large ones, so, who knows? Anyway, every day they nibble their way across a field of about 6 acres and then cross the street right on the side of my house. They are so pretty, I find myself waiting for them each day. Our bird feeder is a social meeting place as well, with mostly black birds and sparrows, but we do get a pair of cardinals. The male is a brilliant red, and the female a duller reddish brown, but they are incredible to look at, and since Aunt Cheryl saw them first, I have named them Cheryl and David after Aunt Cheryl and her husband, who passed away in 1996. She seemed pleased when she heard the names I gave them. The feeder is right outside of the kitchen bay window, and we can enjoy the birds when we are at the table. I point out the birds to Little Joe, but he doesn't quite get it. He is more interested in the cat that sits in the window, making little cat noises and switching his tail as he sees the birds outside.
The Gentle Giant is fishing again. It has been so long since he has gone fishing, and I was really concerned because he lives to fish. He has gone fishing the last two days, and brought home some really large redfish. We usually give them away, but sometimes I cook them. I am just glad he is having relaxing fun with David, Shane, Robby and whomever goes with them. It would be nice if he could actually retire and fish whenever he wants. I want to fish. I wanted to go today, but I couldn't because I knew that Nanamee was coming, I had Little Joe, had to cook, and other things. I love fishing, love the feel of the fish pulling on the end of the line, the excitement as the captured fish breaks the water, and the feeling of excitement as I show off my catch. I will go again, but will have to plan for it, so I don't shirk my responsibilities.
What I did do today, as on many recent days, was make dinner completely from my food storage. I made chicken and dumplings, and every ingredient was from food I had stored. That really feels great, knowing that I can utilize the storage, and have a plan to replenish the items as they go on sale.
This morning, I got up to make Little Joe's Cream of Wheat. I was half asleep, but he was hungry, and so I had to get to it. He was sitting in his high chair watching me cook, and I was moving in rote as I gathered the cereal, the milk, butter and the sugar. I poured the milk into the pan, heated it up as I stirred the cereal in, and cooked it until it was thick. I added the butter and a bit of sugar, poured it into a shallow dish and stirred it until it had cooled. I sat down to a lip-smacking Little Joe, and gave him a bite. He slurped it in, but then immediatley made a face and spit it right out! I knew it wasn't too hot, so I was surprised at his reaction. Cream of Wheat every moring is the high point of Little Joe's day, and he usually gobbles it down. I couldn't remember if I had put the sugar in it, so I took a bite, and found my mouth full of gritty cereal instead of the smooth cereal I usually cook. I was still in a sleepy daze, but that woke me up, and I wondered what I had done wrong. Little Joe was indignantly demanding his cereal, so I had to act fast. I got up and looked at the pan. No clue there. Then, on the counter, I saw the plastic container of GRITS, instead of the Cream of Wheat. Well, heck. I had cooked grits for him, something he had never had, and obviously didn't like. I poured the sweetened, buttery batch of grits down the disposal, and quickly righted the situation. As I sat back down with his little bowl of cereal, he looked at it suspiciously, but cautiously opened his mouth. I knew I had done it right this time, as he smacked his little lips and quickly opened his mouth for another bite. Tomorrow, I am going to put cold water on my face, so that I won't make that mistake again. Silly me.

Martin met with his pulmonolgist today, and since he is still having so much difficulty, the doctor said we must finally consider a rather radical proceedure called bronchial thermoplasty. This means that they would go into Martin's lungs and, with a laser, zap his bronchial tubes and basically cook them. The reason for this is so that the bronchial tubes will scar and will no longer be able to react to allergens, thus keeping the tubes open at all times. It is a newer proceedure, and will take some time to get insurance approval, but, we will do it. Martin really struggles with his lungs, and maybe this will be what it takes to get some relief. If Martin continues to struggle like this, and the bronchial thermoplasty doesn't work, then if the condition becomes life-threatening, (right now it is just difficult, but with many medications he can still breathe) the only other option is a lung transplant. When the doctor told us this, I passed out. I don't mean to be such a sissy, but sometimes, when bad news hits, my mind goes into overload, and the result is that I faint. I am better now, I know that Heavenly Father will guide us with this.
Our dear Bobbie Jo died 3 years ago today. I am happy to say that I didn't spend the day in tears, but was able to enjoy sharing memories of her with Martin. I can't wait to be with her again, I know that life goes on after death and that families are forever. Without this knowlege, I don't know how I could cope. I love my Bobbie Jo so very much, and how I miss her. After 3 years, it still seems like she is going to come through the door or call me. It has been 20 years since Little Otto died, and like with Bobbie Jo, my heart still hurts fiercely, but I have such dear memories of him, and somehow can go on with my life. As I type these words, I feel like screaming, the pain is so intense, but it will ease and I will be okay. My two dear children are together, waiting for the rest of us. They do not want me to suffer like this, and so, I try not to. You never stop hurting for them, but it gets better as the years pass. To them I say, "Mama loves you both, and I miss you. We will be together again".

The Gentle Giant painted the hall today. Normally, that would not be a big deal to report, but I will tell you that the hall has had no paint on it since it was reconstructed after Hurricane Ike! For the last 3 1/2 years, I have walked that hall, thinking to myself that I should ask Martin to paint it. As you know, there have been many things that have prevented his doing so, but for some reason, he just up and painted it today. Now you kno whe is all about saving money, so he got the big idea that he would take some of the cream colored paint from when the rest of the house was painted, and add some color to make a light brown color for the hall. Good idea I guess, but when he mixed the brown and cream, he got a muddy purple color. He added some more brown, and it got a deeper muddy purple. I gently suggested that he actually go to Home Depot and have some paint mixed. He looked quite indignant, but later I found out that he did go to Home Depot, and brought home a lovely light cafe ole color. Why brown do you say? Well, we have two huge German Shepherds, and when the monsters run down the hall, they swish their tails and leave feathery patterns on the wall, especially if it is rainy weather. Don't tell Martin, but now the feathery patterns will just be a shade darker-but he will find that out for himself! Since I didn't go anywhere today, I don't have much to report. I did bake bread, and it just turned out great! I guess practice does make perfect. I feel so tickled when I see those nice rounded loaves coming from the oven. Since it is Spring break, the college is closed, and so things are on hold with Martin. I am patiently waiting to see what will transpire, but I am not as naive as I used to be, and I realize that anything can happen. It will be okay, no matter what. I received a blessing and was assured that Heavenly Father is very mindful of our situation and has not forgotten us. What comfort that brings me.

Spaghetti

We had spaghetti tonight. Martin loves spaghetti, but he also wants garlic bread and salad. I realize that is a normal menu, but today, I didn't feel much like doing all of that. In addition, others in the family were joining us. Natalie and the boys came down, Becky, Joe and Little Joe, Aunt Cheryl and Nanamee came for dinner. I walked in the house after church, all pooped out because lately I have been having lots of trouble with some serious fatigue. Martin met me at the door, and I was surprised to see him, as he was supposed to be at a game for Jaybird. He took one look at me and commanded that I go and lay down, he would make dinner. I was too tired to care, and gratefully plopped down on my soft, wonderful bed. After a while, I could smell the scent of Italian cooking wafting through the house. I kept my eyes closed, hoping that no one would ask me to get up and eat. I was willing to loll the night away in the dim light of my room. I could hear Little Joe making noise, so I knew that Becky and Joe had arrived, and I heard Natalie and the boys as they came through the door. I was still playing possum. I began to feel badly about my rude behavior, but I really felt tired, and I hoped that the family would understand if I did not join them. As my anxious feeling of being so rude began to escalate, the door came open and there stood Martin. He asked if I was going to eat with them, and I thought, "yeah, I'll eat a piece of garlic bread and some salad, since the spaghetti had meat in it and I could not eat that".
I dragged my hiney into the kitchen, to a wonderful surprise. Martin, my Gentle Giant, had made special spaghetti sauce for me with vegetarian "meat"! He had also added mushrooms and onions, and it looked chunky and delicious. My spirits lifted considerably. I took my place at the table, (I have a particular chair, and no one gets to sit in it when we are all together) and Natalie began to serve dinner. My dinner was so good, I went back for seconds. We all laughed, talked and enjoyed the company, and before I knew it, the time had passed, and it was time for everyone to leave. Well, at least I thought so, but to my continued surprise, everyone pitched in and cleaned the kitchen and I didn't have to! Martin even fed the dogs, so I guess I had the night off. Tomorrow, spring break starts. That doesn't really mean anything special, we had hoped to be able to go to El Paso the see Aaron, Sarah and the children, but we will have to stay here due to limited finances. It will get better, and I am so thankful for our wonderful life. I am going to take my tired self to bed, say my prayers and see what tomorrow brings. You never know!

Rubber Band Ball

So today, I went to Office Depot to fax some papers. First of all, the clerk told me to go ahead and juse the fax machine, to which I gave her a deer in the headlights look. She briefly explained how to do it and went back to whatever she was doing. The papers went through, and I waited, not sure how to know if the fax was successful. I finally asked her how I would know and she stopped what she was doing and said that when all the papers had been faxed, the machine would show a message. I waited for the message and after about 5 minutes, the machine let me know that the fax had successfully gone through. The clerk was still busy on the other side of the room behind the counter, and I hated to interrupt her, but I had to get going. I pointedly stood there, hoping she would notice that I was ready to check out, but she just continued doing what she was doing. Finally she looked at me and smiled, and walked over to where I was standing. She turned sideways, took a rubber band ball from her hand and set it on the counter. Then, while I was still pointedly standing there, obviously ready to check out, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a bag of rubber bands. She opened the bag and poured out at least 50+ rubber bands next to the rubber band ball. She then picked up a rubber band, and began to wrap it around the rubber band ball. She used great precision, wrapping and stretching the rubber band around the ball, just so. She did this at least 5 more times, and I began to wonder if something was wrong with her. Now, I am not one to be rude, so I stood, waiting patiently for her to finish whatever she was doing with the rubber bands. After about 15 more rubber bands being wrapped around the ball of rubber bands, I began to get impatient. I don't mind watching someone wrap rubber bands around a ball of rubber bands, but come on, time was wasting. She kept wrapping the rubber bands around the ball of rubber bands, and finally I said, " excuse me, are you going to finish that pile of rubber bands? I need to check out". She looked at me in surprise, and said, "Oh? Are you finished? Are you ready to check out?" I replied, "Um, yes, I am ready to check out!", and she reluctantly put her pile of rubber bands to the side to help me. I was dying to know why she was making a rubber band ball in the first place, but I didn't want to be rude by asking. As she took my money, she chatted on about her recent illness, her hearing problems, and something about working at the store. As she waited for the reciept, she looked at the pile of rubber bands and the ball she had been making, as if she couldn't wait to get back to it. I tell you one thing, that was really weird, watching her patiently wrapping rubber bands around the ball, and carefully picking out the next rubber band to use. I guess there is no explaining some people's actions, I just guess there isn't. When I finally got back to the car, I tried to explain how frustrated I was because she had ignored me to wrap her rubber band ball. Martin and Aunt Cheryl thought it was funny, and I guess it was, but I was still too bemused by it all. By the way, there were other customers waiting behind me, and I don't know what they were thinking or if they even realized that a rubber band ball was being created while they waited. So, there you go. Today, I took second place to a rubber band ball, and if you ever hear of the world's largest rubber band ball originating from Kemah, Texas, just remember, you heard it here first!

Finally!

We finally got the decision from the college. The decision is as follows: HCC is willing re-open the interactive process and further work with Mr. See to find a reasonable accommodation to enable him remain with HCC. I feel kind of numb. I mean, after all this time, could this be for real? I am not one to question Heavenly Father's blessings, and believe me, there have been too many to count, but to think that after almost a year and a half, this could work out in our favor! One thing for sure, I will never take anything for granted ever again! As I told my Joey, "I will squeeze nickles into dimes!" I have grown so much from all of this, and today as I was making bread, once again I felt the peace and joy that comes from knowing that I am doing what Heavenly Father would have me to do.

Last night, as I was praying, it occurred again to me that all the things I taught myself way back in the 70's are helping me now. I enjoyed learning to can, cook, bake bread, make soap and many other things, but that was more for fun, and now, it is to make sure we can save for the future. I love cooking the beans that we have lovingly stored, and making cornbread from the food storage that I have. What the heck, I just love having a food storage. I am going to do my best to promote others to seriously consider having and using a food storage. You never know when it will come in handy, and I am so glad that I heard and understood Heavenly Father almost 2 years ago, when I was inspired to get mine, even though things were fine back then.

Oh and what a fun thing happened today! I put Little Joe on a blanket in the dining room so that I could tend to my bread, and he sat up all by himself! He rolled from his tummy to his bottom, and just sat there. I quickly got some pans and a wooden spoon, and showed him how to bang on the pans, and boy, did he catch on! I was so tickled to see him banging away, and had to take a picture of it. It seems like just yesterday that he was a newborn, and now he is so big. He is a worm too. Changing his diaper is a real challenge. Wiggle, stretch, turn, wiggle, squeal, kick and so on, and it can really lead to some surprises. Today, I knew he was wet, so I went to change him, and he was a wiggling wreck, so I quickly untaped the diaper, and yanked it off. SURPRISE! He was not only wet! For the fourth time this week, I had to wash my bedspread! But that is so little compared to the joy he brings. Tomorrow is Saturday. Usually, I would love to go to Luby's for the buffet, but I won't, and for two reasons. First, I am being a tightwad, and second, the almondine fish that I LOVE, is unbelievably high in calories. Who knew? I mean, it's fish for heaven's sake. But, I looked up the recipe, and darned if one piece has more calories than a cheese whopper! Yeah, that's right, it has 935 calories per piece! Turns out that yummy creamy stuff under the buttered crumbs and almonds is Mayonaise! I almost cried when I found out. It is probably better this way, because I feel worse about the calories than the cost. Maybe I'll make the recipe my own way, with far fewer calories.

Incredible find!

No news today either. I emailed the attorney, and he said just sit tight, he is not sure how much time they have to respond with their decision based on the hearing officer's recommendation. After tomorrow, it is spring break, so that is at least another week that we will get paid.

We had an incredible evening, after finding an incredible find! I found an antique curio cabinet, really old, and it was all the way across Houston. Martin, Aunt Cheryl and I piled into the truck and went to look at it. It is a very tall mahogony cabinet with hand carved panels on the upper front sides. It is soooo beautiful, and it will hold my most expensive antique cookie jars! We had a bit of fun too, there is a drawer in the bottom of the cabinet, and it would not come open. The owner had told us that he thought there was something in the drawer, but he didn't know what it was. Robbie, David and Martin got the cabinet in the house, and set to work trying to open the drawer. It took them about 45 minutes, and finally the treasure was revealed! It was full of Christmas wrapping paper! We laughed and laughed at the forlorn looks on the treasure hunter's faces, and then I called the owner. He was relieved that there wasn't lost treasure and thanked me for calling.

We got a really great deal on it too, and enjoyed the road trip to go and get it. My antique cookie jars will be perfect in this cabinet!

Waiting

We are still waiting. Martin very favorable won the hearing last week and the hearing officer made the recommendation that the school reinstate Martin, accomodate his disability, and give him FMLA. We have heard nothing from them, and I seem to spend all day, checking my email to see if our attorney has heard from them. I am so glad that we got such a positive result, but as I have said before, the chancellor can reject the recommendation and fire Martin anyway.
We also found out that our workers comp hearing has been pushed back until the end of April. When they told us in January that they moved it to March, that seemed like a long time, and we thought the wait was over, but now, it will be another 2 months. I guess that wait will be a long one as well.
Each day seems to be a financial struggle, not that we are in dire straights, but it is just the little suprises that seem to constantly come up- medical co-pays, doctor visits, and lots of other stuff. Looking at our budget tonight, it is apparent that we must demonstrate all our faith in order to keep going. I don't know what I am carping about, we have already been at this for over a year, and we are still going!
On a brighter side, I am amazed by the plethora of blessings given each day. Our life is so good, and each day emphasizes this. This afternoon, Aunt Cheryl, Little Joe, Kayleigh, Jacob, Eli and I sat in the front yard to enjoy some incredible weather that has been with us for a few days. The breeze was so sweet, there were squirrels scampering in the yard across the street, birds were landing on the bird feeder and the mosquitos seemed to have gone for a while. As the neighbors and other neighborhood friends drove by, they would honk and wave. Some stopped to talk and admire the baby. He was a grinning,wiggling mess, as he rolled, scooted and played on his blanket in the grass. The other kids played ball, and rode a scooter along the sidewalk. Aunt Cheryl and I talked, and waved at passing friends. For that time, out in the yard, I didn't think of the difficulties we faced. I thought about families throughout history, mama's and grannies and children out in the yard, doing much the same as we were doing. I thought about the dinner in the oven, chicken and vegetables, and the coming nightime when we would snuggle together with our different family groups and enjoy the love that is so abundant. That is what simple pleasures can bring, a joy of togetherness, and a forgetfullness of difficulties. When things began to press down on me in the future, I am going to take the kids out to the yard and watch them play, visit with Aunt Cheryl, talk with Martin, bake bread and put on the comfortable clothing of a happy routine. The waiting will go on, but I will enjoy the time, thanks to all my blessings!

pooped out!

Well, I am just pooped out. For one thing, we are awaiting the answer from the college as to w hether or not Martin still has a job! Another, Little Joe is teething. He is just a cute little crab, but I just can't stop kissing and hugging him. Good thing too, because he just cries and cries when I put him down. I thought that I would take him around the block for a nice walk, and maybe that would help him, and while he enjoyed it greatly, I had forgotten just how far "around the block" was. I felt great when we got back, but well, it is almost 10 hours later, and I am feeling it. Also, Martin and Aunt Cheryl went to the food storage place and bought several bags of beans, wheat and rice. Each bag weighs 25lbs. I remember a time when I could toss 100lbs on my shoulder and think nothing of it. Turns out that tossing 25lbs on each shoulder is kind of difficult. I didn't want Martin hauling those bags in, but he brought in a few, as I was heaving like a winded nag when I got my few bags in the house! Mind you, I don't always think ahead, and when they got home, I suggested that we go to Sams to get a few other things. I got some spices, pepper, and other things for the food storage, and when I got home, it occurred to me that the kitchen needed reorganizing so that I could more efficiently find and use the items I had bought.
Reorganizing the kitchen was a bit more of a challenge than I thought. Worst of all, there were many items that were far outdated and I had to throw them away. I felt so ashamed, me, the food storage queen, having to toss food out. Some of that stuff I didn't even know I had, but I have reformed, and vow to never be so wasteful again. I even had girl scout cookies from last year! Though the kids begged for them, I made them toss the cookies to the birds. The kitchen looks wonderful, but my back is awful! I was watching the clock for when the mama's showed up to take the kids, and turns out that the mama's each had something pressing and the kids stayed until after 8:30. I was a puddle in my recliner, with a teething crabby baby climbing all over me, and I was starving too, but the day just went on. Finally, finally, the last grandchild left and there was some peace. Not for long, because I realized that in just another 9 hours, they will show up again! As for me starving, blessed Becky brought me some red beans and rice and a bisquit when she came home. Now, I am sated and ready to get to bed, but wait, the romance novel I have started, (my favorite one, that I have read at least 6 times) awaits me by my bedside. I still have to shower, take meds, check the house and turn out the lights, make sure the doors are locked and say my prayers. Martin will want to talk, and I will patiently listen, while Aunt Cheryl finally gets sleepy and goes to her room. I will probably get about 7 hours of down time, and then I will get up, turn on the lights, unlocke the doors, put the dogs outs and look for a cheerful little cherub too show up. I will make cream of wheat and bake some bisquits, welcome the boys and feed the baby. The bus will come and Little Joe will probably poo in his diaper. (he does every morning right on time). Maybe he will get sleepy, or I can talk Martin or Aunt Cheryl into keeping him while I snatch a nap. But wait, the romance novel will still be there-and tomorrow is bread day. Oh well, good thing I know that all of these things are great blessings!

History

On Saturday, a most amazing thing happened. I caught history on film! This gentleman with Becky and Little Joe is a veteran from Pearl Harbor! To me, the photo joins decades of life and honor, from the past to the present. I am going to send this photo to the publication, "stars and stripes" which is a newpaper for American service personel. I am so thankful that I was able to capture this moment!

Post won't publish!

Well pooh! I have written this blog TWICE tonight, and for some reason, it will not publish! Fine, I will just say, that tomorrow, I will give a detailed chronicle of the past 3 days. My hands are tired, as I have been typing for over an hour. I don't know where my posts have gone, but they did not publish. So, dear reader, tomorrow, I will tell you everything!

I've been busy!

contemplation

I have six little Resese's peanut butter cups in front of me. I am going to eat them. I don't usually give into such naughty behavior, but right now, I could use a soothing moment. Tomorrow, we are supposed to know if the hearing went in Martin's favor or not. If not, he is fired. If so, he will keep his job unless the chancellor of the college decides to not accept a finding in our favor. (Makes me wonder why we had a hearing in the first place!) Mentally, I see a new road for us, one where we walk in new territory, away from the old and comfortable. I am not afraid, but really only curious as to what will happen. Is it possible that after almost 20 years, Martin has received his last paycheck as of today? We were so comfortable with his employment. We had more than we had ever had, could relax, could sleep at night, and knew that at the 1st and 15th of the month, there would be a really good paycheck. He was off at Christmas for 3 weeks, had one week off for spring break and most of the summer. I became complacent. I forgot how to worry about finances, and even bought things that I never would have bought only 5 years ago, such as a designer purse. Dinner out? All the time. So much for so long- and now, I stand on the threshold of true change.

Is this a bad thing? I don't think so. Today as I baked some more bread, and canned some more beef, I remembered the excitement I felt when the kids were small, and I had to do these things. I baked bread because it was affordable. I canned meats, fruits and vegetables to supplement our grocery budget. Friends were always giving me canning jars because they knew I would use them. The Farmer's market provided produce for free if I was willing to go through the cast-off boxes with the culls,(imperfect) fruits and vegetables. My cupboards glistened with jewel-like tones of color from the lovely fruits and vegetables that I had canned, and my children were proud of our efforts and loved to help. (most of the time) On many mornings, they would wake up to fresh baked bread, made by hand because I had no bread machine. It was worth all the effort to see their happy faces and hear them express their thanks for such wonderful fare. The jelly we ate on that bread was made by me and the children, made from wild blackberries, dewberries, pears from our neighbor's tree, figs from across the street that we picked when they were in season. Other people knew that I would utilize produce for jams and jellies, and would bring fruits to me. It was a way of life, one that I loved, and one that was all but forgotten.

I can once again experience the satisfaction of using my knowlege and experience. How I love to see the jars of food as they come from the canner, because I know that I am preparing for what could be a difficult future. How could I have known that when I did this in the past, it would be a foundation for the many years in the future. Bread baking and canning are excellent stress breakers for me. I am looking forward to once again, picking wild berries this spring to make jelly. I hope to sell some of it to supplement our income. It won't bring in much money, but it will help me feel like I am contributing. This time, when I go berry picking, I will take my grandchildren. Like their parents, they can experience the fun of finding a bounty of nature's offerings. The circle of life goes on, never changing and always changing. The greatest parts of life's history are enjoyed as they are experienced by new generations. As a young mother, I used my talents to help feed us. As a not-so-young grandmother, I can do so once again. Well, I just ate the 6th little Resese's peanut butter cup. I enjoyed them for sure, but more than that, I enjoyed putting my thoughts down. I don't know what to expect in the near future, but remembering the terror of possibly losing Martin so very recently, the very fact that we have a future together is wonderful.

Maybe we won't have a comfortable income, but we will have a living. Living together with our friends and family in love and happiness. I think working together to achieve such a goal is the best experience of all.

Today, Martin ground the wheat, and I baked the bread. I cooked the beef, and he cut it up and put it in the jars. Together we took care of little Joe and welcomed the boys off the bus. I am getting used to eating dinner at home once again, and it is fun to wake up each morning, knowing that I will be able to cook good meals for all of us. We are saving a bundle on that alone! Martin and I are learning once again, the pleasure it is to be together. Maybe we won't have a life of luxury, but we will have something that we have always longed for- being together all the time and enjoying each other. How nice!