This evening, the Gentle Giant asked me out for a date. I, at first, said that with our current circumstances we should be frugal and forego such pleasures. After all, I had spent yesterday cashing in our change so that we could have money for his medications, and I didn't feel that it would be responsible to use the extra for such a luxury. (I got a large sum for the change we had, and the medications did not make much of a dent in it). He smiled and kissed me and said that date night is a pleasure we should never forego, and insisted that I choose a place to go. He then played the hungry card: He said he was hungry for pizza. He has not been hungry for weeks, and I didn't think I should refuse to let him indulge his appetite (lucky me) and we went to a local pizza restaurant. We shared a medium pizza and played cards. We drank water instead of soda, and all in all the check was quite modest.
I am so glad that the Gentle Giant is sensitive to my feelings and remembers how important it is to me to be treated to a surprise once in awhile. He says that we must continue the important parts of our relationship, including a date out once in awhile, trips to the Temple and making sure we don't deny ourselves to the point of dispair.
How handsome he was, sitting across the table in the dim, ambient light. How special I felt as he cut and served pizza, giving me the extra cheese as it came off the serving utensil. How sweet he was, as he remenesed about the first time we had pizza together- it was when he was in basic training for the army, and I sneaked up to see him at Ft. Knox. We had a pizza, and even some wine, (we weren't members of the Church then) and were so pleased to see that the check was really low. Other pizza memories mainly involve roudy children around the table and glasses of kool-aide. Tonight will join the memory of our first time to have pizza together: and it will be just a sweet.
No word from the workers comp decision, I guess maybe we will hear on Monday. I suppose that waiting on such a life changing decision should be something that would be very stressful, but today, as I tickled Little Joe and heard him squeal, cared for Kayliegh because she came home from school sick, handed out cookies to the boys as they got off the bus, and visited with Polly and Aunt Cheryl, I forgot all about waiting on that decision. Also, as I sat by the kitchen window, working on a crossword puzzle (how I love them!) a woodpecker came to the bird feeder. He was so incredible, and it was so amazing to see him try to get the bird seed from a feeder that was clearly too small for him. Earlier, I had seen a bright red cardinal along with numerous sparrows and other birds, and I told Aunt Cheryl that having the feeder so easily seen was better than keeping a bird for a pet. I really enjoy watching the birds as they continue to light and feed right outside the window.
Temporal desires pale next to the gifts of Heavenly Father, especially his beautiful scenes of nature. It costs nothing to enjoy the birds, (except maybe some bird food) and no movie or play could possibly compare. It is moments like this that give me security and comfort, and strength to face the future.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Creme Horns
So, sometimes the only thing that really helps is well, to put it kindly, just pigging out. I did that tonight, but after you hear of my day, you will understand.
This morning, we realized that we had to get some more medications for Martin, but I didn't want to let our bank account get too low. For two years we have thrown change into a large jar, and it was filled to the top, so Martin suggested that we cash it in and see how much we had. Kroger has a change machine, and you just put the change in and get a receipt to cash in at the service desk. I stood there, piling change into the maching, while people stood and watched me, making comments as to how much they thought I must have. After about 15 minutes and two thirds of the jar, I noticed that coins were falling on the floor from a slot in the machine. I had not noticed them and by the time I did, there was a small pile. I wondered why they were falling out, and the guy behind me who was holding a bag of change to change out told me that I had filled the machine to it's limit. Sure enough, the machine had a message that it was full and could not take any more coins. Well, I felt pretty stupid, standing there with a bunch of coins in my hand and on the floor, while the guy behind me realized that he couldn't put his change in. I apologized to him, put the wayward coins back in the jar, and went and cashed in my receipt. I got more than enough to pay for Martin's medicine, and I felt better. Later, I took some more jelly to the feed store, and Mary, (the owner) was so appreciative. She gave me a jar of homemade salsa, and told me she would have some more produce next week. I came home and made bread while Little Joe crawled all over me, the kitchen, the dining room, the living room and played with the pots and pans in the drawers.
Actually, most of the day was so sweet, with Little Joe in the best of moods and the Gentle Giant feeling rather mellow. He was supposed to go fishing with Robby, but it was too windy, so he got to sleep in. (They leave REALLY early to fish). I don't even know why, the fish don't know what time it is! Anyway, he went to work thinking that this would be his last day for the school year, but later he called me and told me he finishes the year on May 15. Not so bad, he is taking tomorrow off, and then only has to go in for two more days. Little Joe and I spent the afternoon watching TV, looking at picture books, and playing. He is so happy all the time!
Okay, so that is not so bad, actually, it is perfect. Just the sort of things a Nana should be doing! Then, Martin called. He learned that all the other instructors signed their contracts for the new school year starting in August, 2012. The supervisor did not call him in to sign a new contract, and actually hasn't even spoken to Martin in a couple of weeks. I emailed our attorney, and he said not to be surprised if they don't renew Martin's contract.
Remember all that stuff about how I wasn't going to worry if we got bad news about Martin's job? Well, for a moment, I forgot all about it, and went into a Gloomy Gussy fit. I couldn't really react badly, as Little Joe was still with me and I didn't want him to see me upset. I churned inside with doubt and fear, and the old questions came back to plague me. How will I get insurance? How will we be able to handle Martin's medical? Can we make all the bills? Blah,Blah, Blah. Martin came home early, and we had enough time to make it to Eli's musical at school, and even a half hour before to go to Whataburger and share some french fries and a drink. We sat across each other at the table, and although I tried to keep a brave face, the tears leaked out anyway. When the girl brought the french fries to the table, she gave me a funny look, but I smiled and thanked her the best I could. A few minutes later, she caught me off guard, and I was sniffling, and she said, "Oh goodness! Is anything wrong with your french fries? Do you have enough ketchup? Do you need some napkins?" Once again, the smile came out and I thanked her and told her all was okay.
Martin and I talked about how we never expected things like this at our stage of life. After all, he has worked there almost 20 years, and we thought we were pretty secure. I boo-hooed again when I reminded him that our 40th anniversary is almost here, and we had always wanted to go on a cruise or something special for that day, but now we have to forego those plans. He said the sweetest thing. He said, "I don't need a special day to remind me of how fortunate we are that we met, married and were sealed in the Temple. You are all I want for my anniversary". He is so right, and I quit being a spoiled brat and let the spirit calm and comfort me, while reminding me that the adversary will take any opportunity to torture me with temporal desires. I cheered right up after that, and we went to the school. Eli was fabulous! Little Joe puked all over the floor and his Mama, and almost got the other people on the aisle, and Martin and I sat and enjoyed the show. Then, Martin couldn't breathe, and we had to leave. On the way home, I had to stop and get some handsoap, as neither bathroom nor kitchen had any soap to wash our hands. (I am not above using dishsoap, but everyone else gripes). While in Kroger, I found some on sale, and was walking to the front of the store, and then I saw them. Creme Horns. These are hollow tubes of pastry filled with fabulous sweet cream. I didn't even try to rationalize, I just yanked a package and threw it in the basket. As I went to the front to pay for the items with some of the money from this morning, I notices that the change machine was STILL not working. I had to mentally laugh, it was just a reminder of the day for me. I got in the car, went home and sat at the kitchen table with my creme horns and a crossword puzzle. Now, a sensible Nana would eat one creme horn and put the rest away. Truly, that was the plan, but after the first one, there were three more. The pastry was so flaky and buttery, the cream inside so smooth and sweet. I guessed one more wouldn't hurt. It didn't. Actually, I was feeling better all the time! I courageously shoved the package away from me, but the third creme horn had a big glob of creme coming out of the end, and I gave in and popped the cream glob into my mouth. Then, I noticed that the poor creme horn looked uneven, and so I just took a little piece to even it up. I couldn't stand to leave that creme horn half eaten, and thought that just this once I would indulge myself, (I had already done that, don't you think?), but sanity overcame me, and before I could continue the pig-out, I jumped up and tossed the rest of the pastry into the trash. Martin came in right at that time, and asked me how I could waste like that. I didn't even bother to explain, just hugged him and told him it was for the best. Now, it is the end of the day. I have remembered that Heavenly Father will help us no matter what, and I refuse to allow the adversary to affect me. Okay, maybe eating creme horns helped some, (well, lots) but I have to realize that a fix like that is only temporary. Anyway, I am going to bed with a tummy full of yummy, and gratitude in my heart that I know that we will be okay.
This morning, we realized that we had to get some more medications for Martin, but I didn't want to let our bank account get too low. For two years we have thrown change into a large jar, and it was filled to the top, so Martin suggested that we cash it in and see how much we had. Kroger has a change machine, and you just put the change in and get a receipt to cash in at the service desk. I stood there, piling change into the maching, while people stood and watched me, making comments as to how much they thought I must have. After about 15 minutes and two thirds of the jar, I noticed that coins were falling on the floor from a slot in the machine. I had not noticed them and by the time I did, there was a small pile. I wondered why they were falling out, and the guy behind me who was holding a bag of change to change out told me that I had filled the machine to it's limit. Sure enough, the machine had a message that it was full and could not take any more coins. Well, I felt pretty stupid, standing there with a bunch of coins in my hand and on the floor, while the guy behind me realized that he couldn't put his change in. I apologized to him, put the wayward coins back in the jar, and went and cashed in my receipt. I got more than enough to pay for Martin's medicine, and I felt better. Later, I took some more jelly to the feed store, and Mary, (the owner) was so appreciative. She gave me a jar of homemade salsa, and told me she would have some more produce next week. I came home and made bread while Little Joe crawled all over me, the kitchen, the dining room, the living room and played with the pots and pans in the drawers.
Actually, most of the day was so sweet, with Little Joe in the best of moods and the Gentle Giant feeling rather mellow. He was supposed to go fishing with Robby, but it was too windy, so he got to sleep in. (They leave REALLY early to fish). I don't even know why, the fish don't know what time it is! Anyway, he went to work thinking that this would be his last day for the school year, but later he called me and told me he finishes the year on May 15. Not so bad, he is taking tomorrow off, and then only has to go in for two more days. Little Joe and I spent the afternoon watching TV, looking at picture books, and playing. He is so happy all the time!
Okay, so that is not so bad, actually, it is perfect. Just the sort of things a Nana should be doing! Then, Martin called. He learned that all the other instructors signed their contracts for the new school year starting in August, 2012. The supervisor did not call him in to sign a new contract, and actually hasn't even spoken to Martin in a couple of weeks. I emailed our attorney, and he said not to be surprised if they don't renew Martin's contract.
Remember all that stuff about how I wasn't going to worry if we got bad news about Martin's job? Well, for a moment, I forgot all about it, and went into a Gloomy Gussy fit. I couldn't really react badly, as Little Joe was still with me and I didn't want him to see me upset. I churned inside with doubt and fear, and the old questions came back to plague me. How will I get insurance? How will we be able to handle Martin's medical? Can we make all the bills? Blah,Blah, Blah. Martin came home early, and we had enough time to make it to Eli's musical at school, and even a half hour before to go to Whataburger and share some french fries and a drink. We sat across each other at the table, and although I tried to keep a brave face, the tears leaked out anyway. When the girl brought the french fries to the table, she gave me a funny look, but I smiled and thanked her the best I could. A few minutes later, she caught me off guard, and I was sniffling, and she said, "Oh goodness! Is anything wrong with your french fries? Do you have enough ketchup? Do you need some napkins?" Once again, the smile came out and I thanked her and told her all was okay.
Martin and I talked about how we never expected things like this at our stage of life. After all, he has worked there almost 20 years, and we thought we were pretty secure. I boo-hooed again when I reminded him that our 40th anniversary is almost here, and we had always wanted to go on a cruise or something special for that day, but now we have to forego those plans. He said the sweetest thing. He said, "I don't need a special day to remind me of how fortunate we are that we met, married and were sealed in the Temple. You are all I want for my anniversary". He is so right, and I quit being a spoiled brat and let the spirit calm and comfort me, while reminding me that the adversary will take any opportunity to torture me with temporal desires. I cheered right up after that, and we went to the school. Eli was fabulous! Little Joe puked all over the floor and his Mama, and almost got the other people on the aisle, and Martin and I sat and enjoyed the show. Then, Martin couldn't breathe, and we had to leave. On the way home, I had to stop and get some handsoap, as neither bathroom nor kitchen had any soap to wash our hands. (I am not above using dishsoap, but everyone else gripes). While in Kroger, I found some on sale, and was walking to the front of the store, and then I saw them. Creme Horns. These are hollow tubes of pastry filled with fabulous sweet cream. I didn't even try to rationalize, I just yanked a package and threw it in the basket. As I went to the front to pay for the items with some of the money from this morning, I notices that the change machine was STILL not working. I had to mentally laugh, it was just a reminder of the day for me. I got in the car, went home and sat at the kitchen table with my creme horns and a crossword puzzle. Now, a sensible Nana would eat one creme horn and put the rest away. Truly, that was the plan, but after the first one, there were three more. The pastry was so flaky and buttery, the cream inside so smooth and sweet. I guessed one more wouldn't hurt. It didn't. Actually, I was feeling better all the time! I courageously shoved the package away from me, but the third creme horn had a big glob of creme coming out of the end, and I gave in and popped the cream glob into my mouth. Then, I noticed that the poor creme horn looked uneven, and so I just took a little piece to even it up. I couldn't stand to leave that creme horn half eaten, and thought that just this once I would indulge myself, (I had already done that, don't you think?), but sanity overcame me, and before I could continue the pig-out, I jumped up and tossed the rest of the pastry into the trash. Martin came in right at that time, and asked me how I could waste like that. I didn't even bother to explain, just hugged him and told him it was for the best. Now, it is the end of the day. I have remembered that Heavenly Father will help us no matter what, and I refuse to allow the adversary to affect me. Okay, maybe eating creme horns helped some, (well, lots) but I have to realize that a fix like that is only temporary. Anyway, I am going to bed with a tummy full of yummy, and gratitude in my heart that I know that we will be okay.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
The Gentle Giant saw his lung specialist today, and the news was not what we wanted to hear. His lung capacity is really low, and the surgery to help him breathe better has to be postponed indefinetly. The plan now is to go in, take a biopsy of the lung tissue, culture the bacteria, wash out the airways and send a scope in to take pictures. Hopefully this will guide us in the direction needed to try to help him. Tomorrow is his last day before summer break. He will have all summer to recuperate, fish, and just kick back and have fun. We don't know the status of his job, what will happen there or anything like that. We are still waiting for the decision on workers comp, and are pretty much in limbo about everything. I am trying to look forward to the summer. Our 40th anniversary is coming up in July, and we have thought for years that maybe we could go on a cruise to Alaska, but with our financial status, that is out of the question. No problem, just having each other will be celebration enough. I have certainly learned that you don't need a big party to feel special. I feel special every day, and blessed too. I would like to sneak off for a week, just get in the car and go, you know, decide after you get on the road where you will end up. Kind of like a mystery trip! Again, finances won't allow that, so, since we live in paradise anyway, we can go to the beach, fish, take the boat out, and do all the things that people do on vacation.
Little Joe is trying to walk. He is pushing his high chair all over the place and also his toys. It won't be long, and I just can't believe how the time has flown. I don't think anyone got bit today- maybe we are getting on top of that.
The Gentle Giant told me that he didn't know how much longer he can take this illness. I told him he can take it as long as he is still alive, and the price of life for him is dealing with it. The price of life is different for all of us, but remember, we don't have to deal with anything. Our problems will come to an end when we leave this world, so whatever it takes to keep on going is what I call the "price of life". Many people pay a very high price for life, and others not so much, but it is relative to each of us, and no one can say that someone has it easier than others. I told Martin to buck it up, pay the price and enjoy his blessings. When you count your blessings, the hard times don't seem so bad. Remember, tough times don't last but tough people do!
Little Joe is trying to walk. He is pushing his high chair all over the place and also his toys. It won't be long, and I just can't believe how the time has flown. I don't think anyone got bit today- maybe we are getting on top of that.
The Gentle Giant told me that he didn't know how much longer he can take this illness. I told him he can take it as long as he is still alive, and the price of life for him is dealing with it. The price of life is different for all of us, but remember, we don't have to deal with anything. Our problems will come to an end when we leave this world, so whatever it takes to keep on going is what I call the "price of life". Many people pay a very high price for life, and others not so much, but it is relative to each of us, and no one can say that someone has it easier than others. I told Martin to buck it up, pay the price and enjoy his blessings. When you count your blessings, the hard times don't seem so bad. Remember, tough times don't last but tough people do!
Monday, May 7, 2012
Plum tuckered
Someone once told me that tough times don't last but tough people do. I hope so, because I had one tough day.
The Gentle Giant could not get out of bed this morning, so I let him sleep. He was up all night having nightmares again about suffocation. How I wish I could help him with this, I hate to see the panic when he jerks awake.
So, I bounce out of bed at 6:30am, get dressed, put the dogs out, and start the cream of wheat for Little Joe. I mixed up some chocolate chip muffins for the boys and took the trash out. By 7:00 am, Chuckles,(Little Joe) showed up and Becky was in a minor panic. She told me that Little Joe had rolled off the bed, and she felt so bad about it. He was not hurt, but I can understand her feelings, that little worm has scared me on more than one occasion! We checked him for bruises and bumps but found none, and pretty much that was that. By the way, he bit another baby at church yesterday. Now, when I say bit, I mean sort of grazed the other baby with his front teeth. He has been doing this, and he really took a bite out of Nanamee the other day. I told Becky, time for tough love. If he bites again, pop his little leg, but make sure he doesn't know where it came from. He has bitten Eli, Jacob, PaPa, Becky, Nanamee, and Sissy, and probably others. What he does is get a mouthful of your shirt, and the skin comes with it. Anyway, since I "know everything", I was determined to teach him not to bite. The day went on, and Papa went to the feed store and picked up some red plums and dewberries so that I could make jelly for the feed store. I took the opportunity to sweep and mop the house so that Little Joe can wander at will, put all the dishes away, cleaned off the table and in general, got ready for jelly day.
This means that I cleaned a huge amount of red plums, (the little kind) and put them in my largest pot to simmer so that I could extract the juice. In another pot, I started the dewberries. The dewberries cooked much faster than the plums, and I put them in a giant colander to drain. So far, so good. I still have a few hours till the kids get off the bus, and Little Joe was sleeping. Martin got ready to leave for work, and I asked him to be sure the fire under the plums was on the lowest setting. He said he would. My floors were clean, the kitchen tidy and the fruit cooking. I could rest for a bit. About an hour later, I went to check on my plums, and got a horrible shock! They had simmered over the top of the pot and the vibrant, sticky red juice had run everywhere! My stove top had about an inch of juice in it, the drawers of the cabinet beneath were soaked along with all the silverwear, and utinsels, and there was a small river of red plum juice that ran from the stove to the far window of the kitchen! As I was perusing this mess, the baby woke up and wanted a bottle. I had to step over the river of plum juice to get a bottle and again over it to warm it up. I went and fed the baby and changed him and put him down on the floor with his toys.
Back to the kitchen. Good heavens, what a mess! A whole roll of paper towels did nothing for it, and I was getting desperate, because I knew that Little Joe would only give me so much time. Then, I got a brainstorm. Now, Becky, if you are reading this, don't get mad. It occurred to me that Pampers would really soak up moisture, and I went and got a few from the diaper holder. Bingo! After 3 diapers, the stove was clear of juice! One more for each drawer, and one to catch the mess under the cabinets. A total of 6 diapers and I was home free! (Becky, I will pay you back). After that, I got the swiffer out and made quick work of the plum juice on the floor and then, with perfect timing, heard Little Joe starting to fuss. Wonderful Nana that I am, I threw the plum soaked diapers in the trash and went to get him. I was feeling pretty smug about having averted a plum juice catastrophe, and sat in the recliner with Little Joe. He snuggled up to my shoulder, and I was thinking how sweet he was when: OUCH! He clamped his little teeth down on my shoulder and took a bite! I jerked my shirt out of his mouth, and popped his leg. He started crying and so did I. Sissy called, and I was sobbing. "Mother! What's wrong?!!"she said. I snuffled out that I had popped Little Joe on his leg and he cried, and it made me feel so bad. She reminded me that I didn't seem to feel so bad when she was little and I popped her leg, or even had her go and get a switch! She's right of course, but Nana's have a softer than Mama's, or at least I guess we do. Anyway, I got to join the ranks of those who Little Joe has chomped on. Maybe he will quit. I hope so.
To end the day, I would like to say that I finished the most fabulous batch of dewberry jam. It is delicious, and I made 14 pints. Tomorrow, I will finish the red plum and watch out for Little Joe's teeth. Life goes on, and remember, tough times don't last, but tough people do!
The Gentle Giant could not get out of bed this morning, so I let him sleep. He was up all night having nightmares again about suffocation. How I wish I could help him with this, I hate to see the panic when he jerks awake.
So, I bounce out of bed at 6:30am, get dressed, put the dogs out, and start the cream of wheat for Little Joe. I mixed up some chocolate chip muffins for the boys and took the trash out. By 7:00 am, Chuckles,(Little Joe) showed up and Becky was in a minor panic. She told me that Little Joe had rolled off the bed, and she felt so bad about it. He was not hurt, but I can understand her feelings, that little worm has scared me on more than one occasion! We checked him for bruises and bumps but found none, and pretty much that was that. By the way, he bit another baby at church yesterday. Now, when I say bit, I mean sort of grazed the other baby with his front teeth. He has been doing this, and he really took a bite out of Nanamee the other day. I told Becky, time for tough love. If he bites again, pop his little leg, but make sure he doesn't know where it came from. He has bitten Eli, Jacob, PaPa, Becky, Nanamee, and Sissy, and probably others. What he does is get a mouthful of your shirt, and the skin comes with it. Anyway, since I "know everything", I was determined to teach him not to bite. The day went on, and Papa went to the feed store and picked up some red plums and dewberries so that I could make jelly for the feed store. I took the opportunity to sweep and mop the house so that Little Joe can wander at will, put all the dishes away, cleaned off the table and in general, got ready for jelly day.
This means that I cleaned a huge amount of red plums, (the little kind) and put them in my largest pot to simmer so that I could extract the juice. In another pot, I started the dewberries. The dewberries cooked much faster than the plums, and I put them in a giant colander to drain. So far, so good. I still have a few hours till the kids get off the bus, and Little Joe was sleeping. Martin got ready to leave for work, and I asked him to be sure the fire under the plums was on the lowest setting. He said he would. My floors were clean, the kitchen tidy and the fruit cooking. I could rest for a bit. About an hour later, I went to check on my plums, and got a horrible shock! They had simmered over the top of the pot and the vibrant, sticky red juice had run everywhere! My stove top had about an inch of juice in it, the drawers of the cabinet beneath were soaked along with all the silverwear, and utinsels, and there was a small river of red plum juice that ran from the stove to the far window of the kitchen! As I was perusing this mess, the baby woke up and wanted a bottle. I had to step over the river of plum juice to get a bottle and again over it to warm it up. I went and fed the baby and changed him and put him down on the floor with his toys.
Back to the kitchen. Good heavens, what a mess! A whole roll of paper towels did nothing for it, and I was getting desperate, because I knew that Little Joe would only give me so much time. Then, I got a brainstorm. Now, Becky, if you are reading this, don't get mad. It occurred to me that Pampers would really soak up moisture, and I went and got a few from the diaper holder. Bingo! After 3 diapers, the stove was clear of juice! One more for each drawer, and one to catch the mess under the cabinets. A total of 6 diapers and I was home free! (Becky, I will pay you back). After that, I got the swiffer out and made quick work of the plum juice on the floor and then, with perfect timing, heard Little Joe starting to fuss. Wonderful Nana that I am, I threw the plum soaked diapers in the trash and went to get him. I was feeling pretty smug about having averted a plum juice catastrophe, and sat in the recliner with Little Joe. He snuggled up to my shoulder, and I was thinking how sweet he was when: OUCH! He clamped his little teeth down on my shoulder and took a bite! I jerked my shirt out of his mouth, and popped his leg. He started crying and so did I. Sissy called, and I was sobbing. "Mother! What's wrong?!!"she said. I snuffled out that I had popped Little Joe on his leg and he cried, and it made me feel so bad. She reminded me that I didn't seem to feel so bad when she was little and I popped her leg, or even had her go and get a switch! She's right of course, but Nana's have a softer than Mama's, or at least I guess we do. Anyway, I got to join the ranks of those who Little Joe has chomped on. Maybe he will quit. I hope so.
To end the day, I would like to say that I finished the most fabulous batch of dewberry jam. It is delicious, and I made 14 pints. Tomorrow, I will finish the red plum and watch out for Little Joe's teeth. Life goes on, and remember, tough times don't last, but tough people do!
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Choking
You know how when you are eating something really yummy, (in this case a chocolate swiss cake roll) and you get to the last bite and you just wish there was more of it, or even better another one if it didn't have any calories? Well, that's me right now. I am licking my chops as I write, and wish I could have all the swiss cake rolls I wanted, but I am sensible, and I left the box in the kitchen!
The Gentle Giant had a garage sale today. He had a great time, talking to all the customers, and selling his junk from the garage. He made some money, and the garage looks lots better. Of course he overdid it, and now is pooped out, but not before he asked Becky, Little Joe and I to come and have lunch with Big Joe and himself. He loves hamburgers. He has to take it easy with them after his heart attack and blocked arteries, but generally he goes to a hamburger place once a month and enjoys himself. Becky, Little Joe and I went to a baseball game for Jaybird. Little Joe did very well, and everyone made over him and his curly hair and chubby cheeks. I was ready to just go home after a morning spent at the ball park, but the lunch invite was too much to pass up. We took Jaybird with us, and met the men at the hamburger joint, but not until we had stopped at Burger King to get a veggie burger for me.
Before I continue, I need to say that when I am tired, I am much more likely to choke on my food. I have to be so very careful when I eat anyway, because I choke really easily. Today was no exception. I sat at the table with my veggie burger made with cheese, onions, tomatoes, Ketchup and a little bit of mayonaise. The family was talking and eating giant burgers, french fries, onion rings and tater tots and I was just sitting there listening to everything. I was really enjoying my veggie burger, and the thought occurred to me that it was so yummy, and the next thing I knew, a small bit of it went right down my windpipe! My throat is very weak anyway, and I have to swallow fast so that the food goes where it is supposed to, but today I was tired and not paying attention. Actually, more than choking, it was what is called a laryngeal spasm.
When you choke like this, your body reacts violently to expell the food. Of course you are coughing, but coughing out and cannot get air in. You can only cough so much until you are out of air, but your throat keeps constricting anyway. All of the muscles in your body tense, especially your abdominal muscles and chest muscles, and if you are lucky, you won't wet your pants. Not being able to breathe is terrifying, but when you are in the throes of an attack like this, not breathing is only one problem. Suddenly, you feel like you are going to throw up, your eyes are tearing up, your nose is running and in about 20 seconds you begin to feel like you are going to pass out. Suddenly, your throat opens and you gasp for air, but only for a second, and it starts all over again. You begin to wonder if you are going to die from this. You feel the muscles in your arms and legs stiffen and the pounding in your head is unbearable. Somehow, each time this happens, it corrects itself, and if you are lucky, the whole restaurant is not staring, or screaming for someone to call 911. The Gentle Giant calmly assures everyone in the area that he knows what to do and for no one to panic. He is right, and after you can catch your breath, you continue to cough for about 10 minutes, wiping your nose and eyes and hoping you can keep your food down. After an attack like this, you are exhausted, really exhausted, and just want to go to sleep.
Sounds really scary, right? Well, in my case, no matter how bad the attack is, my family just goes on with whatever they are doing and waits for me to be okay. I have had so many, it is commonplace to them. Today, the comment was, "Mama's choking again, Pass the ketchup please". Nobody jumps up, the most they do is throw paper towels or napkins in my direction. About the time my face is totally purple, usually the comment is made, "you think she is okay?" and the answer is, "probably, but if she doesn't get better or passes out, we can check on her".
The grandkids don't even worry anymore. Eli knows that if I can't come out of it in a few minutes, he can call 911, and usually he runs over to me with the phone in hand, finger pointed and gets ready to call if he needs to. He knows that if I actually hit the floor, it is time to call. So far, I have been transported only 3 times in 16 years of difficulty.
So, that is what I did today. Went to a baseball game, and almost died. The worst part of it is that I only got to eat a part of my veggie burger. I don't know what happended to the rest of it, but I couldn't have finished it anyway. Now, for the next few days, I have to keep from talking if possible to rest my throat. Most of those close to me have had the wonderful experience of witnessing a choking episode like this, and they handle it well.
I consider things like this the price of life for me. That is how I can reasonably get through such things. I do have many physical difficulties, but I don't have to have them. I could die and not worry about it anymore. If I have to go through such things to be here on this earth with my loved ones, so be it. It is a small price to pay for the glorious experience of the life I have.
The Gentle Giant had a garage sale today. He had a great time, talking to all the customers, and selling his junk from the garage. He made some money, and the garage looks lots better. Of course he overdid it, and now is pooped out, but not before he asked Becky, Little Joe and I to come and have lunch with Big Joe and himself. He loves hamburgers. He has to take it easy with them after his heart attack and blocked arteries, but generally he goes to a hamburger place once a month and enjoys himself. Becky, Little Joe and I went to a baseball game for Jaybird. Little Joe did very well, and everyone made over him and his curly hair and chubby cheeks. I was ready to just go home after a morning spent at the ball park, but the lunch invite was too much to pass up. We took Jaybird with us, and met the men at the hamburger joint, but not until we had stopped at Burger King to get a veggie burger for me.
Before I continue, I need to say that when I am tired, I am much more likely to choke on my food. I have to be so very careful when I eat anyway, because I choke really easily. Today was no exception. I sat at the table with my veggie burger made with cheese, onions, tomatoes, Ketchup and a little bit of mayonaise. The family was talking and eating giant burgers, french fries, onion rings and tater tots and I was just sitting there listening to everything. I was really enjoying my veggie burger, and the thought occurred to me that it was so yummy, and the next thing I knew, a small bit of it went right down my windpipe! My throat is very weak anyway, and I have to swallow fast so that the food goes where it is supposed to, but today I was tired and not paying attention. Actually, more than choking, it was what is called a laryngeal spasm.
When you choke like this, your body reacts violently to expell the food. Of course you are coughing, but coughing out and cannot get air in. You can only cough so much until you are out of air, but your throat keeps constricting anyway. All of the muscles in your body tense, especially your abdominal muscles and chest muscles, and if you are lucky, you won't wet your pants. Not being able to breathe is terrifying, but when you are in the throes of an attack like this, not breathing is only one problem. Suddenly, you feel like you are going to throw up, your eyes are tearing up, your nose is running and in about 20 seconds you begin to feel like you are going to pass out. Suddenly, your throat opens and you gasp for air, but only for a second, and it starts all over again. You begin to wonder if you are going to die from this. You feel the muscles in your arms and legs stiffen and the pounding in your head is unbearable. Somehow, each time this happens, it corrects itself, and if you are lucky, the whole restaurant is not staring, or screaming for someone to call 911. The Gentle Giant calmly assures everyone in the area that he knows what to do and for no one to panic. He is right, and after you can catch your breath, you continue to cough for about 10 minutes, wiping your nose and eyes and hoping you can keep your food down. After an attack like this, you are exhausted, really exhausted, and just want to go to sleep.
Sounds really scary, right? Well, in my case, no matter how bad the attack is, my family just goes on with whatever they are doing and waits for me to be okay. I have had so many, it is commonplace to them. Today, the comment was, "Mama's choking again, Pass the ketchup please". Nobody jumps up, the most they do is throw paper towels or napkins in my direction. About the time my face is totally purple, usually the comment is made, "you think she is okay?" and the answer is, "probably, but if she doesn't get better or passes out, we can check on her".
The grandkids don't even worry anymore. Eli knows that if I can't come out of it in a few minutes, he can call 911, and usually he runs over to me with the phone in hand, finger pointed and gets ready to call if he needs to. He knows that if I actually hit the floor, it is time to call. So far, I have been transported only 3 times in 16 years of difficulty.
So, that is what I did today. Went to a baseball game, and almost died. The worst part of it is that I only got to eat a part of my veggie burger. I don't know what happended to the rest of it, but I couldn't have finished it anyway. Now, for the next few days, I have to keep from talking if possible to rest my throat. Most of those close to me have had the wonderful experience of witnessing a choking episode like this, and they handle it well.
I consider things like this the price of life for me. That is how I can reasonably get through such things. I do have many physical difficulties, but I don't have to have them. I could die and not worry about it anymore. If I have to go through such things to be here on this earth with my loved ones, so be it. It is a small price to pay for the glorious experience of the life I have.
Friday, May 4, 2012
Another family dinner!
Well,we have one more week until summer break for the Gentle Giant. I think the new plan for the college is to just wait him out and not renew his contract. That would be in violation of the ADA(Americans with disabilities act) but they have tried everything else, so why not this? I am still at peace. If Father can bring us this far, who am I to question the future?
It is such a shame to miss your life because you are anxious about the future. That is something I have been guilty of, but I have truly learned not to do this, and to enjoy each day and recognize my blessings.
Tonight, we had a big family dinner. Everyone loves my smothered chicken, and the family has been asking for a while for me to a make it. I told them I would be happy to, but it is hard to provide that much chicken for so many people. They said no problem, and last night, Aunt Cheryl and Polly brought in 11lbs of chicken breasts. I made all of it, by frying the chicken pieces and simply covering them with mushroom soup and baking in the oven for about an hour. I also made 6 cups of dry rice which equals about 18 cups cooked, a huge pot of vegetables, 40 biscuits and a large peach cobbler. How I love it when everyone comes over. The kids were noisy, the baby happy, the parents hungry and the house FULL. These are blessings that count. Simple things that make life so precious, like chicken gravy on a child's chin, or a great big PaPa slurping down a hot buttered biscuit with homemade wild plum jelly. Seeing the dogs waiting for a scrap to fall, or one of my nieces being so helpful are other examples. We may be having financial difficulties, but seeing the spread on the table, you sure couldn't tell. Everything but the chicken was from my food storage! My sweet family replaces items that we use, so the food storage seems to never shrink. Smiles, laughter, good natured joking, slurping, burping and giving thank to Heavenly Father for so much bounty makes me realize that we are really doing great.
Other good news, there is a feed store close by, and the lady that owns it calls me each year to help her with homemade jam. She provides the fruit, the jars, the pectin, and I provide the sugar and the labor. It is not really labor to me, as I LOVE to make jelly! In return for my efforts, I get to keep one third of everything, and that also stocks my food storage. This week, I made wild plum jelly for her. She also has blackberries for me next week and some more plums, and later in the summer it will be peaches, plums, strawberries and apricots. Sometimes she even has cherries, but that is hard for me to do , because I want to eat them all! I will also do salsa and other things. Remember when the sugar was on sale about a month ago? When I got a four pound bag for a dollar? I bought 40 bags, equally 160 pounds of sugar. At the time I thought it was maybe too much, but I had forgotten that I would get the opportunity to make jellies and jams for her, and now I have all the sugar I need! I felt really inspired to but that sugar, and when a feeling like that comes to me, I just do it! Making the plum jelly this week is another reason that I got behind on my writing, but I am catching up. More tomorrow!
It is such a shame to miss your life because you are anxious about the future. That is something I have been guilty of, but I have truly learned not to do this, and to enjoy each day and recognize my blessings.
Tonight, we had a big family dinner. Everyone loves my smothered chicken, and the family has been asking for a while for me to a make it. I told them I would be happy to, but it is hard to provide that much chicken for so many people. They said no problem, and last night, Aunt Cheryl and Polly brought in 11lbs of chicken breasts. I made all of it, by frying the chicken pieces and simply covering them with mushroom soup and baking in the oven for about an hour. I also made 6 cups of dry rice which equals about 18 cups cooked, a huge pot of vegetables, 40 biscuits and a large peach cobbler. How I love it when everyone comes over. The kids were noisy, the baby happy, the parents hungry and the house FULL. These are blessings that count. Simple things that make life so precious, like chicken gravy on a child's chin, or a great big PaPa slurping down a hot buttered biscuit with homemade wild plum jelly. Seeing the dogs waiting for a scrap to fall, or one of my nieces being so helpful are other examples. We may be having financial difficulties, but seeing the spread on the table, you sure couldn't tell. Everything but the chicken was from my food storage! My sweet family replaces items that we use, so the food storage seems to never shrink. Smiles, laughter, good natured joking, slurping, burping and giving thank to Heavenly Father for so much bounty makes me realize that we are really doing great.
Other good news, there is a feed store close by, and the lady that owns it calls me each year to help her with homemade jam. She provides the fruit, the jars, the pectin, and I provide the sugar and the labor. It is not really labor to me, as I LOVE to make jelly! In return for my efforts, I get to keep one third of everything, and that also stocks my food storage. This week, I made wild plum jelly for her. She also has blackberries for me next week and some more plums, and later in the summer it will be peaches, plums, strawberries and apricots. Sometimes she even has cherries, but that is hard for me to do , because I want to eat them all! I will also do salsa and other things. Remember when the sugar was on sale about a month ago? When I got a four pound bag for a dollar? I bought 40 bags, equally 160 pounds of sugar. At the time I thought it was maybe too much, but I had forgotten that I would get the opportunity to make jellies and jams for her, and now I have all the sugar I need! I felt really inspired to but that sugar, and when a feeling like that comes to me, I just do it! Making the plum jelly this week is another reason that I got behind on my writing, but I am catching up. More tomorrow!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
The hearing
Gosh, this has been some week! Monday was the hearing for Martin's workers comp. It was a formal hearing, and Martin had to be sworn in. The hearing was to decide if the insurance company for Houston Community College had to finally (a year and a half later) be made to give Martin his worker's comp benefits. This has been such a mess, and so heart-rending, we have waited so long and the insurance company reps have been so ugly. We won't know until May 10th if the judge found in our favor, but if she did, then we will have all of Martin's medications covered, his treatment and other expenses, in addition to reclaiming all the money (thousands) that we have spent for meds and co-pays since he got sick.
I think things went well in our favor, but you can never tell. Martin comes across as a man of integrity, and it is apparent that he is not trying to scam anyone. We had all our records as well as a wonderful attorney, and since I have done all I can to follow the commandments and do the best I can to be honest, well, it is all in Heavenly Father's hands now.
I have to tell you of some of the incidents of the hearing. For one, the two representatives from HCC actually FELL ASLEEP during the hearing! When Martin was testifying, he was a bit distracted by the sight of those two women just nodding off and being completely unaware of what was going on.
When the hearing was over, the judge told us it would be within ten days to get a decision, and according to Texas law, if we wanted to appeal, we could. She then said, "I hope it doesn't come to that, I don't want to have to sit through another hearing watching you ladies. Perhaps I bored you, or maybe you thought I was speaking Greek! One of the ladies stuttered, "Oh no, you were very clear!"
The insurance co. attorney tried his best to discredit Martin, tried to make him sound like a liar, a cheat and a scam artist, but he couldn't. Martin calmly answered each question and came across quite honestly and confidently.
Also, two months ago, the insurance attorney asked for a two month extension so that he could get an expert witness. Another delay. When we got to the hearing this time, he had no expert witness, and when questioned by the judge as to where the witness was, he started in on a long rendition as to why he changed his mind about having one, and several other excuses. The judge sharply said, "so you have no witness? After this long delay?" The attorney again went into a speech, and finally our attorney said, "Look, we don't care about your expert witness, Let's get going with this!" It was apparent that he had used the excuse for an expert witness just to buy some more time.
There is so much more to tell you, but I'll write in later blogs.
I am not worried. After the hearing, for the first time in well over a year, I slept the night through with no anxiety. In every trial or challenge in life, you come to the point where you realize that you have done all you can do, and the outcome will be what it will be. If we lose this decision, well, then we will get to see what Heavenly Father will do to help us.
Martin has continued to go to work. He doesn't do much, but he does help out the other instructors in the shop when they ask him for advice. His supervisor continues to dodge him, and has spoken only once to him since a week ago Monday. We have heard no word from Human Resources. We are just waiting, but the trip back and forth to work, (40 miles each way) and having to stay there for the eight hours is really wearing on Martin. He is noticecibly tired and his breathing is worse. He will be able to start summer break in one week, and since we have made it through the year somehow, he will get summer pay. This means we will be safe at least until the middle of August.
I insist that Martin spend the summer fishing, and taking it easy. I think being away from all this difficulty will help him so much. I have to say that Heavenly Father has certainly come through for us, we were supposed to get fired a year ago last January! The co-pays and medications for Martin are really hard on us, but our food storage has been such a blessing. Not having to shop, and when I do only having to get a few things has been life saving.
We are so blessed, and I am thankful that I have been able to get through this situation so far. I love a challenge, but when you think you can face difficulties, you better be ready to do so. I don't for even a second think that I can ever be off my guard, and I know that the future is uncertain. But, due to this experience, including Martin's heart scare, his respiratory illness, my stroke, loss of income and crushing responsibilities, I have learned that I can make it with Heavenly Father's care and guidence. Besides, the blessings are exponentially better than the trials are bad. I only have to look at Little Joe and see his loving trust to know that he was sent here when we needed him most. When I am in the presence of the other little ones, there sweet hearts, loving humor and unconditional love lift me up. Just being able to lay next to Martin each night, seeing him breath and knowing he is still alive is a miracle I thought would be denied to me last December. Having the rest of my family and friends near and available gives me a sense of comfort,knowing I am not alone and will always have help when I need it. Most of all, knowing that the Gospel is true and that life is eternal gives me peace. So, come what may, it will be allright.
I think things went well in our favor, but you can never tell. Martin comes across as a man of integrity, and it is apparent that he is not trying to scam anyone. We had all our records as well as a wonderful attorney, and since I have done all I can to follow the commandments and do the best I can to be honest, well, it is all in Heavenly Father's hands now.
I have to tell you of some of the incidents of the hearing. For one, the two representatives from HCC actually FELL ASLEEP during the hearing! When Martin was testifying, he was a bit distracted by the sight of those two women just nodding off and being completely unaware of what was going on.
When the hearing was over, the judge told us it would be within ten days to get a decision, and according to Texas law, if we wanted to appeal, we could. She then said, "I hope it doesn't come to that, I don't want to have to sit through another hearing watching you ladies. Perhaps I bored you, or maybe you thought I was speaking Greek! One of the ladies stuttered, "Oh no, you were very clear!"
The insurance co. attorney tried his best to discredit Martin, tried to make him sound like a liar, a cheat and a scam artist, but he couldn't. Martin calmly answered each question and came across quite honestly and confidently.
Also, two months ago, the insurance attorney asked for a two month extension so that he could get an expert witness. Another delay. When we got to the hearing this time, he had no expert witness, and when questioned by the judge as to where the witness was, he started in on a long rendition as to why he changed his mind about having one, and several other excuses. The judge sharply said, "so you have no witness? After this long delay?" The attorney again went into a speech, and finally our attorney said, "Look, we don't care about your expert witness, Let's get going with this!" It was apparent that he had used the excuse for an expert witness just to buy some more time.
There is so much more to tell you, but I'll write in later blogs.
I am not worried. After the hearing, for the first time in well over a year, I slept the night through with no anxiety. In every trial or challenge in life, you come to the point where you realize that you have done all you can do, and the outcome will be what it will be. If we lose this decision, well, then we will get to see what Heavenly Father will do to help us.
Martin has continued to go to work. He doesn't do much, but he does help out the other instructors in the shop when they ask him for advice. His supervisor continues to dodge him, and has spoken only once to him since a week ago Monday. We have heard no word from Human Resources. We are just waiting, but the trip back and forth to work, (40 miles each way) and having to stay there for the eight hours is really wearing on Martin. He is noticecibly tired and his breathing is worse. He will be able to start summer break in one week, and since we have made it through the year somehow, he will get summer pay. This means we will be safe at least until the middle of August.
I insist that Martin spend the summer fishing, and taking it easy. I think being away from all this difficulty will help him so much. I have to say that Heavenly Father has certainly come through for us, we were supposed to get fired a year ago last January! The co-pays and medications for Martin are really hard on us, but our food storage has been such a blessing. Not having to shop, and when I do only having to get a few things has been life saving.
We are so blessed, and I am thankful that I have been able to get through this situation so far. I love a challenge, but when you think you can face difficulties, you better be ready to do so. I don't for even a second think that I can ever be off my guard, and I know that the future is uncertain. But, due to this experience, including Martin's heart scare, his respiratory illness, my stroke, loss of income and crushing responsibilities, I have learned that I can make it with Heavenly Father's care and guidence. Besides, the blessings are exponentially better than the trials are bad. I only have to look at Little Joe and see his loving trust to know that he was sent here when we needed him most. When I am in the presence of the other little ones, there sweet hearts, loving humor and unconditional love lift me up. Just being able to lay next to Martin each night, seeing him breath and knowing he is still alive is a miracle I thought would be denied to me last December. Having the rest of my family and friends near and available gives me a sense of comfort,knowing I am not alone and will always have help when I need it. Most of all, knowing that the Gospel is true and that life is eternal gives me peace. So, come what may, it will be allright.
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