The Temple

The Gentle Giant and I went to the Temple today. He thought it would do us good to be someplace where we can contemplate our choices for the future. It was spiritual, quiet and uplifting to be in such a sacred place, and truly, I am so glad we went. To my surprise, Martin asked if we could go more often. How I would love that!
He is feeling worried about his situation, at work, his health and his upcoming worker's comp decision meeting. I told him not to worry about any of it, by now we should both realize that Heavenly Father will bless us in the best possible way, and what more could we ask for?

Chicken and Dumplings

Today was difficult for the Gentle Giant. He overworked himself the day before, not really doing anything, but not stopping to rest when he was tired. Last night, he couldn't breath, his heart rate was up and his blood oxygen level below 90. I almost took him to the hospital, but he talked me out of it. I did call Aaron, and he advised me to watch Martin and if he got worse, then go ahead and take him.
He had a terrible night. No sleep, tossing and turning and when he did sleep, he dreamed (as he so often does) of suffocation. Today, he was miserable, oh, and crabby too. He had no appetite, and just wanted to lay around in his recliner. I finally got him on his feet when Martin, (Bobbie Jo's Martin) called and told me that he had picked 5 gallons of dewberries! We went to Martin's job and got them and then to Walmart to get some jelly jars. (The making of the jelly will be for another blog).
I, myself, did not get to sleep until 2 am. My head is raging with all kinds of thoughts, not the least of what the future will bring. I try to calm down, count sheep, fix my pillows and so forth, but still I could not fall asleep. I finally did, and immediatly, or so it seemed, I was awaken to Little Joe's arrival. Having Martin crabby did not help, and my day was up and down. I reminded myself to be cheerful, and that helped some. Okay, finally to the point of this blog. We had the missionaries over for dinner. Nanamee also came, as well as Aunt Cheryl, Polly, the kids, Gail, Ricky, Joe and the other grandkids. I had a houseful. I love that! Dinner started out to be a small pot of chicken and dumplings, since that is Cheryl's favorite, and PaPa loves them too. I thought that maybe I could tempt his appetite, and so the chicken went into the pot. I added celery, onions and poultry seasoning. Covering the chicken with water, I set it to simmer. I had all afternoon, so I wasn't worried about the time. Then, I remembered it was Nanamee Wednsday. Polly made mention that she loved chicken and dumplings, and so did Gail. The pot is shrinking. I decided that I would make a very large pot of chicken and dumplings. Another chicken was fetched from the freezer, more celery and onions diced and the largest pot I own, (5 gallons) was taken from the cupboard. As both the chickens are simmering, I realized that Ricky needed dinner, and the girls, as well as Joe. I would have plenty, (I hoped). I then set to making the dumplings. Soon, a mountain of dough was being kneaded into egg dumplings, and then I had to roll them out. I cannot tell you how many dumplings I made, but there were LOTS! Finally, the 5 gallon pot was filled with the chicken, the dumplings and plenty of gravy. I realized that I had made too much. How could we eat 5 gallons of chicken and dumplings? Here's how. Jacob ate 5 servings, Kayleigh ate 3, cierra ate 2, Josiah from down the street ate 1 and Little Joe had a bowl of broth.(He gobbled that broth like it was his first meal!) The Missionaries had come to share some of the Gospel with Aunt Cheryl and Nanamee, and while they were talking, the children finished their dinner. Then, Polly (3 bowls) Gail, (2), Ricky (3)and Joe (3) had their dinner. Finally, Cheryl had 2 bowls, Nanamee had 1, and each of the missionaries had 2 bowls. Cierra came back and asked for another bowl, and Papa came home from picking up Jaybird from practice with Jaybird in tow. "Heard you made chicken and dumplings" said Jaybird and settled in at the table. Papa did eat a small serving and by then, the pot was almost empty. I scooped out some for Nanamee to have for lunch tomorrow, and send a good sized bowl home with Polly and her family. The dogs got the rest of the batch for dinner, (not much)and the 5 gallon pot is shining clean once again, free of it's dumpling delights.
How blessed I am. For one, I had enough chicken and dumplings to feed everyone as much as they wanted. Two, I realized what a loving family I have and how much fun it is to get together. 3, I was able to open my home to share the Gospel with my family, and had two precious, willing missionaries to do that for me. 4, how I loved seeing the children gobbling down chicken and dumplings, smiling, laughing, asking for more and knowing it was there for the asking. Finally, one of my greatest blessings, I had the Gentle Giant to share all of this with. Those two chickens sure went a long way, but since I was serving with a willing heart, that should not have surprised me!

Roadrunner!

Golly, I got quite a fright today! I set Little Joe down on the floor so that I could go to the bathroom, and even though I was in there for less than 2 minutes, when I came out, he was gone! My room is 16x24 feet, and he couldn't have even left it in that time, but sure enough after looking under the bed, in the next room, down the hall, around the corner, into the living room, dining room and kitchen, I couldn't find him. We have no stairs, so I couldn't believe he couldn't be found. I started calling him. Then, started yelling for him. I went back down the hall, into my room, looked into the bathroom and all around the king sized bed. I looked behind the recliners and under the bed again, still yelling his name the whole time. I began to panic. Where was he? The dogs were outside, so they couldn't have been the problem, (he loves the dogs and follows them whenever he can) and he couldn't get out the doggie door. Then, I heard a faint sound, sort of like a giggle, coming from somewhere. I stood still, listening. It was coming from down the hall. The food storage room, the guest bedroom and the guest bathroom doors were closed, but still, that little cooing noise. I walked quietly toward the sound, and realized it was coming from the food storage room where his crib is. I opened the door, and then I realized that I had closed the door after glancing in the room awhile back. Sure enough, there he was, standing at his crib, gripping the bars from the floor and grinning at me. He must have been behind the door when I glanced in, and then I closed him in so that he wouldn't get in while I was looking for him. He smiled at me and lifted his arms to be held, and boy did I give him a hug. He is only 8 months old! How could he travel like that? The food storage room is down the hall from my room, so he would have had to go at least 40+ feet and into that room in less than 2 minutes, including the time it took for him to decide that he was going exploring! I can't imagine what it will be like when he starts to walk, but I know one thing, and that is that Martin will have only one responsibility- keeping up with Little Joe! As long has Little Jo has PaPa, he will sit on his lap and be entertained. This has given me freedom to do chores around the house without having to chase that little buggar. I am going to invest in a leash. I may get some flack about that, but until someone else wants to run their feet off, Little Joe is going to be on a leash when we are out walking! By the way, haven't I already done this many times before? Well, I guess it keeps me young!

Blessings

Today, the Gentle Giant and I were given beautiful blessings in reference to Martin's illness. Blessings like these help me face the future no matter what it will bring. I feel, once again, that I am entering uncharted waters, and will have to rely heavily on Heavenly Father and my Savior to lead the way. I will make sure my home, life and those around me are peaceful, radiant with the love of Jesus and my Heavenly Father, and walk this path with confidence and security knowing that everything is in Heavenly Father's hands. I will write of the ups and downs, and keep a log of the life of the man we all love so much. I go into the future with a sense of purpose and excitement, knowing that I do not walk alone.

Alone Together!

The Gentle Giant and I spent the entire day ALONE! We spent a lot of time talking about the future and how we are going to handle what may come. I assurred him that I will always be here for him no matter what. He seems worried. He told me he felt like he had a knife in his back, to add to all the others. I asked him how many he had and he told me-4. 1. Losing Otto. 2. Losing Bobbie Jo. 3. My difficulties with my health. 4. Becoming ill.
I told him to yank those knives out of his back and throw them away. As a wise friend of mine told me, (JuJu) "when you come to the edge of a cliff, just keep going. God will either catch you or teach you how to fly". I don't know what to do to ease his hurt over the things that have happened in his life, but I will do all I can.
We shopped at Walmart tonight. It was so nice to have just the two of us, all over the store, talking, laughing and kidding around. It is like being teenagers again, just 40 years later. I believe if I can find more opportunities like this, then the despondency will lift for Martin. After all, we haven't come this far not to enjoy the fruits of our labors! We will go to church tomorrow, and that is always special for us. There is so much to enjoy, I hope the happy moments can outweigh the difficult ones.

Another Difficulty for the Gentle Giant

We found out earlier in the week, that Martin tested positive for Mycrobiotic Avium bacteria in his lungs. This particular bacteria mimics Tuberculosis, and today he had specific blood work to make sure that tuberculosis is not the problem. If tuberculosis is ruled out, then the treatment for this bacterial infection is 12 months of specific antibiotics given 3xweek for one to two weeks out of each month. The infection is common in patients with AIDS, however given the damage to his lungs, his depressed immune system and steriod usage for his lungs, somehow Martin has become affected. He is kind of depressed about this, and at first, I was to, but this is another duck on the pile and we have to deal with it. I am positive it is not tuberculosis, but ruling it out is the first step in treatment for him.
When dealing with difficulties in the past, I "what-iffed" myself until I almost went crazy. Thanks to learning from those past difficulties, some of which did not turn out well at all, I have learned that I can only do what I can do. Mostly this means keeping a positive attitude and a smile on my face for those I love and those who worry about us. Many times I have found myself becoming enrobed by dark feelings of worry and fear, and, recognizing these from where they come from, I am able to put a smile on my face and thank Heavenly Father for the blessings I so abundantly enjoy. One of these blessings is that I am never alone. I have a huge cheering squad constantly lifting me up and giving me the will to continue without giving into dispair.
I wish I could cure the Gentle Giant. I wish I could do something to help him with his illness, something to remove the pain, shortness of breath, fear and uncertainty. He doesn't sleep well, his dreams are often of him being suffocated in some way. One night he woke up in a panic, dreaming he was being hanged, another because he dreamed he was drowning. I wish I could take that away as well, I wish he could lay down to sleep in peace and comfort. He sleeps with a CPAP mask that forces air into his mouth, and the mask looks kind of like something a fighter pilot would wear. I couldn't bear to have that thing on my face each night-I don't know how he does it! In the morning, he has to nebulize, take several meds and take it easy. Mornings are the worst for him.
Today, for a short moment, I felt the weight of dispair crushing down on me as I contemplated what new difficulties he will face. I wanted to scream in anger and shout out "it isn't fair!" but I learned long ago that fair has nothing to do with anything. Once again, I forced a smile on my face, thought about my blessings, and determined that I would not give in to such feelings. It is up to me to set the tone of our household, and a happy atmosphere I am determined to give it.
By the way, I can't even begin to imagine how our lives will change if he has tuberculosis! Remember that I am sure he does not, but if he does, well, things will definetly change. No room for that though, so I am putting those thoughts away somewhere until I have to face them, and I probably wont ever have to. Meanwhile, we are waiting for the test results, and in true See fashion, will deal with it when we know something. Oh, I am smiling as I write, it is all I can do about any of this right now!

It has been a better day!

Little Joe is much better and almost back to his sunny self. I am so relieved- I too feel much better, and I think that Jacob is also on the mend.
Last night, the Gentle Giant took Eli to a baseball game. The tickets were given to us from Nanamee, and although there were enough for Becky to go too, she stayed home with Little Joe-WHAT A FABULOUS MAMA! Becky is a die hard Astros fan, and the opportunity to go to a game for free was miserably hard to pass up. She wanted to go so badly, but Little Joe was feeling so bad, and so she stayed with him. Cudos to Becky. PaPa and Eli went though, and even though their seats were far up in the center field area, attendance was light and they were able to go down and sit on the seats in the front row of their area. Eli had so much fun, and so many goodies! He got a snowcone, a pretzel, some candy and some chips. Papa never tells the little ones that they have to be gastronomically responsible, matter of fact, his mantra is, "sugar 'em up and ship 'em home"! On the way back to the car, they crossed Polk street, and PaPa poked Eli saying, "we are crossing Poke street, and I get to poke you!" Eli told Papa that he hoped they would cross kick street next so that he could get PaPa back! The Astros lost, but that doesn't matter, the memory will never be lost!
Whoo-Hoo, my bread is selling! I know that it is not much money, but my little bread piggy bank is getting full! I will have to bake again tomorrow, as some of my customers are wanting more, sooner! It is so fullfilling to me to be able to use my talents in such a way- and, the berries are on the vines now, and will be for the next 6 weeks, so it is time to pick dewberries for jelly! On top of that, as usual, Heavenly Father has provided for me, and I found sugar for .99 a bag at a local store, and will price match it at Walmart. I will be able to get all the sugar I need for jelly season at a price for much less than I had budgeted for. Matter of fact, the price difference will allow me to get the pectin for the jelly for free! I am so tickled.
Nanamee came for dinner, along with Aunt Cheryl, Gail, Becky and Joe. I can't tell you how much I love being surrounded by my family. It is something I could not have imagined years ago. As I offered grace, my voice got thick and my eyes teared up just thinking about all the blessings I have. I am going to bed early, another whoo-hoo for me. Well, more tomorrow, and love to all.