Moving along

Today, we were informed by our attorney that the College sent him further information about the hearing on Martin's behalf concerning termination of his employment. Normally, I would be a slathering wreck knowing that things are proceeding, but I have peace, because I have finally learned not to react to such news. Instead, I know to be calm and wait on Heavenly Father. Maybe he wants Martin to work somewhere else. I can't see the future, but I know it will be bright and glorious. It is very harmful to my peace of mind to "what if" everything. I am so glad that I have learned to appreciate each day, and not just "wait on the end" of each event. I am a good one to say, "when this is over, it will be alright." The problems is that while the current trial may be over, the other trials keeps stacking up.

Today, Aunt Cheryl, Nanamee, Little Joe and myself were sitting in the dining room just enjoying each other's company. Suddenly, it seemed as if I were removed from the scene, still there, but somehow, watching us talking and smiling, enjoying Little Joe. I felt the intense feeling of happiness that only comes from being with those you love and appreciate. The blessing of happiness and joy that comes from just tiny every-day events is so incredible. Many times I have been in the same situation, but this time, for a moment, I was able to feel the joy of what is so important.

Moments like this let me know that no matter what the other trials bring, I will still be happy. I will still have joy. Not from material things, but from spiritual things. I don't know if Martin will keep his job, but we will still have everything we need no matter what. If I forget this lesson, I hope that the radiant joy on Little Joe's face, the love and compassion from Eli, the snap and interest from Jacob, and so much more from so many more will remind me not to worry, but to reach out to that which is sure: the love of family, friends and most especially the love of my Savior Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father.

Tonight I received a call from the woman that I met at MD Anderson Cancer Hosp. It was good to hear from her, and she talked to me about how she felt being newly diagnosed with breast cancer. I have not had breast cancer, but I know how it feels to be told that you have cancer. I was able to talk to her, drawing from my own experiences. I told her to be sure and ask all the questions she possibly can when she is with her doctors, and not to be afraid to get a second opinion. She said she didn't want to be a lot of trouble, and I told her that this is the very time to forget about being trouble and MAKE SURE that she is fully informed about everything. We must forget about social niceities, and remember how important we are. Not only to ourselves, but to our families, our friends, and especially to Heavenly Father. She is afraid of chemo. I am TERRIFIED of chemo, and thankfully I have never had to have it, but I experienced chemo second-hand with Bobbie Jo, and I know how it is to have that monster in my life. I am so thankful that my spirit reached out to her when we met, and that I am able to give her comfort. I asked her to make sure that she reach out when she needs to, day or night. She does not have the most important thing in her battle with cancer. She does not have a Gentle Giant. Without mine, I don't know how I would have made it through my numerous cancer experiences.

Speaking of the Gentle Giant, somehow, he is still working! After our attorney handed them their hineys, no one has said anything to Martin about being terminated. It could happen anytime, and each day I expect Martin to tell me that he has been fired. I can't believe that it has been over a year from the first threat of termination. Heavenly Father can and will do anything to help his children, especially if they believe and rely on his tender mercies. I do rely on Him, for peace, comfort, and confidence in every situation. How blessed I am to have a sure knowlege that I don't have to worry, instead just do everything I can to trust Heavenly Father, and follow His commandments. It is so good to lay down at night with peace in my heart. I have had so many sleepless nights due to worry, and I even worried myself into a stroke last April. Nothing changed because of the worry, instead, it only made the days more difficult to endure through the trial. For now, Martin goes to work, and makes that days pay. We don't know how long this will be, so we are trying to be very frugal. I have never been good at frugal, but I am making headway.

By the way, I have given up cola drinks. I can't believe how hard it is not to go to the fridge and get a soda, or to get one while I am out. It is such a habit, and I get a jolt everytime I mentally refuse myself a diet Pepsi. It was nothing for me to carry around a 44oz diet Coke or Pepsi everywhere I went. I kept one at hand at all times at home, and even stocked a small refrigerator so that I wouldn't run out. I woke today with a tremendous headache, and thought that maybe I was coming down with something. No, it is caffien withdrawal. Now, I am not one to deny myself completely, so I have been drinking lots of water with lemon in it, some Crystal Light, and some fizzy flavored water that you can get a Walmart. I have been at it for 3 days, and I hope the headache goes away soon. It can only be good for me to do this, so, let's see how long I can hold out. The Gentle Giant still drinks his cola drinks, and I have to remember not to sneak a drink of his drink, so that I won't break my "cola diet". More later,

Celebration

Today is Super Bowl Sunday. For me it is kind of sad, because it signals the end of the football season. I am not overly crazy about football, but I do love to watch it once in awhile. The end of football means the beginning of spring! Before spring gets here, we will have the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. It never fails that during rodeo time, the cold weather will have on last hurrah, and it will be cold and rainy, especially for the trial riders who come to Houston on horses and in wagons from all over. In the meantime, we will have Valentines Day, (love it!), and our February birthdays. Then, it will be St. Patricks day, and the March birthdays. Do you get the picture? We love to celebrate! It is something that our family has always done, look for any reason to celebrate! Today, Jessica had a Super Bowl party at her house. She always has wonderful food, so I am glad we went! As I said, we love a party, and one time, we had a celebration for Rocky's being found after being lost for 4 days! My food storage is full of items that I can grab at the last minute when cookies, a cake or some other treat is needed, and we can always find something at the last minute.

Bobbie Jo was always the perfect planner. I miss having her to organize things, she is probably pulling her hair out seeing how I slap things together at the last minute. She always made sure that no event went uncelebrated, no matter what.

To be perfectly honest, I have a celebration in my life every day. I celebrate love, my testimony of the gospel, the love of my Savior and Heavenly Father, having a family, friends and an affluent life. You probably don't think of affluence the same as I do- I don't mean riches, but just having all my needs met and knowing they always will be. I am learning more and more to appreciate each day, or even hour. I want to have the light of the Savior within my heart each moment, and if that is to be, then I cannot let darkness in. We are still experiencing the uncertainty of Martin's job continuing, and the problems that could come up if he is unemployed. He continues to have severe respiratory difficulties, and probably will for the rest of his life.I have a positive feeling that we will be cared for, and will especially hear the spirit as we are guided in the right paths.

Yes, celebrations are so much fun, but they are not all we should anticipate. We should take each day, and milk the fun and happiness out of it, looking forward to the future, but living each day to the fullest. Like I said, each day is a celebration to me.

Nothing Special Today

Really, nothing special happened today. This makes me wonder if something special has happened everyday before this, or did I just not pay attention today? I woke up late, it was so nice, to the thunder of a huge rain storm. I just lay there, listening to the rain and thunder, and thought that it has been a while since I have had that privilige. With nothing to do, I picked up a historical romance that I had started reading, and turned on the light. I read for a bit, and got bored. I picked up my latest crochet project, worked on it for a few minutes, and got bored. The TV was off, the dogs, Martin and Aunt Cheryl, (who is visiting again for a few days) were slumbering soundly in various positions. Hmmm, what to do? Suddenly, the phone rang. It was Becky, wanting to know if I wanted to go shopping. I quickly agreed, but told her that I could spend no money, as I am trying to be an Ant, and I don't know what to expect in the near future money wise. I told her that I would let the other slugs just sleep, and we would sneak out. "Who you calling a slug?" asked Martin. "Yeah, I heard everything" said Aunt Cheryl. I told her that we were going to Target, and invited her along. Martin jumped out of bed and announced that he was hungry, and going out to get something to eat. I thought about suggesting that he let me fix something for him, but Becky would be waiting, I had to get dressed, and Aunt Cheryl was getting herself ready. I have no courage sometimes. I go on and on about how I am going to save money, and just one little announcement from Martin about his empty stomach, and I roll over like a fat sausage. So, off we all go to brunch, something cheap, and then we part ways, Martin to go home a wallow in front of the TV and the rest of us off to Target.

Later this evening, Aunt Cheryl and I made enchiladas for dinner, and had David and his family over. Later we played a board game, and laughed and had a great time.

It is time for bed, and like I said, nothing special happened today, but it was a wonderful day, with lots of love, companionship and laughter. Most of my days are just like that, so maybe that is why it didn't seem special. Truly though,

Check-up

Today, I went to MD Anderson cancer center for a 6 month check-up. It was pretty normal, but something nice did happen. While I was waiting for the blood work to be done, I noticed a woman sitting by herself. Nothing unusual about that, the hospital is always crowded, and you never know who is alone or not, but this time, she stood out to me. The volunteers were announcing that coffee and cookies were available to the patients at no cost. They also have tea and hot chocolate and sometimes soda, and it is very nice that they do that. She was looking at the cart, kind of in confusion, and I told her that it was no cost to partake. Instead of getting up to get something, she looked directly at me and asked me if I had been at the hospital before. I told her yes, I had been going for 14 years, and she told me I looked pretty good for someone who had been having to go for all that time. I explained that I was in remission, and only there for a check-up, and then I asked her if this was her first time. With a grave look, she told me it was, and I patted the seat next to me and told her to come and let's talk. She came over and sat down, and right away, we began a conversation. She admitted that she had breast cancer and she was frightened. I took her hand, and told her that I knew just how she felt. I said, "the first time I came to this cancer hospital, so many years ago, I was so scared that I sat down on the curb of the sidewalk and started crying my eyes out. I just couldn't go through the doors, I felt that if I did, it would be the beginning of the end for me. My poor husband sat down next to me and tried to calm me and we sat there, right on the curb for about a half hour. Finally, all cried out, I stood up and marched, and I mean marched, through those doors. As you can see, it worked out, but I know what this kind of fear feels like". She smiled, and told me that she appreciated me telling her that. We then talked about chemo, and what to expect. I told her about Bobbie Jo and how fast the cancer killed her. I explained that we knew from the start that it was very bad for Bobbie Jo, and that the doctors are very honest here. If they told her that things were not bad for her then she should believe them, and get down to the job of "fighting like a girl, and winning!" I then gave her my phone number and told her to call me anytime day or night, and we would talk. She was not alone, so many of us have walked her path.

I am so grateful that I have survived to be able to help others with their fears and uncertanties. Many times I have been asked about my tracheostomy, and how it has affected my life. It is frightening to think that you will spend the rest of your life with a pipe in your throat, depending on it for life-giving oxygen, but to tell the truth, sometimes I forget it is there. It is an inconvienience, but if that is the price of life, it is a small price to pay. I have seen hope spring in the eyes of those who have talked to me about it, when they are facing a tracheostomy of their own. I have felt the comfort going from me to them, and I knew that maybe I had made a difference in a life-changing decision. It is amazing to be able to be a part of that.

Being at the hospital all day really poops me out. Each time, I come home with a headache and an upset stomach, especially if I have had to drink barium for a ct scan. The other thing I always do, and I mean always, is forget to eat because I am so busy going from appointment to appointment. Today was no different, and sure enough, right around noon, I felt my blood sugar began to drop. I was far away from the cafeteria, and had changed bags, so my rescue sugar was not with me. I began to perspire and felt sort of dizzy, but the test was almost over, so I determined to just wait it out and then head for some food. I could have just gone to the little cafe in the building I was in, but in the main building, they have a huge cafeteria with a little bit of everything. Fruit, salads, sandwiches, hot meals, Chick-fil-e, pizza, asian food, and so much more, but the best thing they have is: BANANA BREAD! Big, whole loaves of moist, sweet banana bread, homemade and fabulous. I always get a loaf and bring it home each time I go to the hospital, and today I was determined that I would get one too. Sometimes I can be so stupid. I had to take a long cart ride between buildings, walk down 3 floors, and walk a good distance when I got to the main building. I felt like a zombie, but I plodded along, heading for the main cafeteria and that banana bread. Somehow, I found the bread, got in line and fumbled for my wallet. My hands were shaking so badly, that I could barely get the money out to pay for it. After paying and ignoring a concerned look from the cashier, I took the precious bread and went to sit down. The cafe was so crowded, there was no place open where I could sit by myself. I spied an empty chair, which was a feat as the sweat was running into my eyes, and sat down at a table where another person was already seated. I asked if he minded and he said no, and, uh, was I okay? I said yes, and explained that I was just hungry. Without further ado, I opened the bag of banana bread and tore off a huge chunk. Stuffing it into my mouth, I averted my gaze from my table partner, who stared at me. I then took my napkin and wiped my sweaty face, and in general, looked pretty much like a pig.

See, all I had to do was responsibly stop at the first little cafe and get some fruit or something healthy and then I would have been able to ward off the low-sugar attack. But they had no banana bread, and I stupidly took the chance of continuing on for another half hour until I could find some.

I have paid royally for my stupidity. By the time Martin came to pick me up, I had a roaring headache and my whole body hurt. When ever I let my sugar drop like that , I feel sick for some time after. He saw that I was feeling bad, and told me we were going to lunch. I didn't want any lunch, I had just had banana bread. I would have gotten a huge speech from him about my eating it, so I smiled wanly and told him that was so sweet of him. Well, of course, he wanted Mexican. I wanted to go home to bed. I went into the restaurant, which was like a buffet of sorts, and had to listen to him fuss because I didn't have much on my tray. I put more on the tray, and weakly went to sit down. My stomach hurt and the food was making me feel queasy. The noise was killing my head, and the "friendly" waitress kept asking if I wanted anything else, was my food okay, and what could she do to help me? I was polite. Pushing the food around to make it look like I was tucking in to it, I finally, finally found relief when Martin said, "lets go". Thank goodness! I thanked the waitress, left her a tip, and headed for the door, with the thought that in only about 20 minutes, I would be luxuriating in my bed. Skip that, as soon as we went outside, and by the way it was raining, I saw we had a flat tire. I wanted to cry, silly baby that I am, and I could have gotten away with it too, because the raindrops would have hidden my baby tears, but I couldn't let Martin handle the tire by himself, so I manned up. Thankfully, my very thoughtful husband and one who is always prepared for anything, opened the trunk and brought out a portable generator, a little bitty one, and aired up the tire. Soon we were on our way home, and thankfully, I was able to ignore the dogs, walk past the dirty dishes from breakfast, try not to look at the pile of toys and food in the dining room, and to my bed. I threw my bag on Martin's side of the bed, and flopped down on mine. My eyes hurt with the light, I still had a miserable headache, and the Mexican food was churning around in my already upset stomach. Suddenly, I remembered that my bag had the remaining 3/4 loaf of banana bread in it! If Martin picked it up, I would really catch you-know-what, and so I sat up, grabbed the bag, and tucked it next to me on my side of the bed. I fell asleep. For hours. I was awakened by Little Joe slobbering on me and wanted to be held. His mama was all for encouraging that , but I could't wake up and rolled over. I fell back asleep with a lumpy bag under my stomach. I was too tired to care, and just lay on it. Finally, when the house was full of grandkids, my daughter, Martin and my nephew, I crawled up from the depths of slumber. The headache was better, but I still felt terrible, and now, my ribs hurt. I realized I had a lump under me. I kind of hunched up and pulled out my bag, that was full of paperbacks, a crossword puzzle book, a huge ball of crochet and you guessed it, banana bread. Well, it is still bread, but it doesn't look like it. It looks like a square banana pancake. I don't care, I am still going to finish it, not right now, but I will.

Because I made myself ill, I could not get up to go with the family for pizza. I could not hold Little Joe, or do anything else, because I could not get out of bed. By now, I can stand the light again, my stomach is better and my head only hurts a bit. I hope I can remember next time to be sure and take something with me to ward off a sugar-drop, I hope I can get something healthy to eat instead of trekking for banana bread, and I hope that if I do sneak home a loaf, I can remember to put it in the fridge instead of sleeping on it. Oh well, lessons learned!

Tonight I dragged my hiney up and went to Walmart with Becky and Little Joe. I thought I was too tired to go, but it turns out that I guess I am never too tired for that! I wasn't going to buy anything, (remember, I am being frugal?) and I quietly stood while Becky got stuff for Little Joe, when I heard the announcement that no Nana could resist. "Clearance in the toy aisle, 50% off the lowest marked down price!" Oh, No! I am not going over there! No, not me! But, if a steel cable had been tied around my waist, and a commercial winch was pulling me, I could not have resisted at least a peek at that kind of sale! Well, suffice it to say, I am covered for Christmas and Birthdays for the whole year! I didn't even spend that much, as most of the toys were priced 2.oo to 4.oo, even if they had been 40.00 to start with! I didn't hog the toys, and even pointed out the best prices to other shoppers. Soon, the aisle became clogged with parents and grandparents desperate to get in on the bargain. I took my leave, and since they were all in the toy aisle, I found myself almost alone when I went to check out. Then, bless me, there it was. A large rolling cart was in the center aisle and a clerk was putting a sign on it. It said, "anything on this cart, .50". Well guess what, that cart was loaded with Velveeta shells and cheese boxes and Zatarains rice boxes. My food storage alarm went off, and Becky and I began to load up. Then, I thought about the out date- but they were good until 2013!

Suffice it to say, when the Gentle Giant gets home tonight, he will find the dining room filled with toys, boxes of cheese and pasta, and boxes of flavored rice. I will then have to explain to him why the monster dogs are sleeping in our room tonight behind a locked door: I don't want to wake up to toys chewed up to Kingdome come and covered with cheese sauce and rice!

Today is Wednsday, and it is Nanamee day. Nanamee is really Amelia, who is Joe's mama. I am Nana, and she is Nanamee, and we love each other. She comes over each Wednsday to see Little Joe, who is her only grandson. She spends the entire time holding and playing with Little Joe, and brings formula and diapers because "he's got to eat!" Becky and Joe are perfectly able to supply formula and diapers for him, but Nanamee insists on doing so. She works two jobs, and has said on more than one occasion, "you can't tell me how to spend my money!" She clips coupons by the dozen, and always gets a bargain on diapers and formula. She is such a wonderful person, kind of quiet until she gets going and a woman of extraordinary faith. She doesn't really go to church, but she is a perfect example of the love of Christ.

She has yanked me out of the blues more than once by reminding me "The Man upstairs will take care of everything. You got nothing to worry about!"

Usually on Wednsday, I cook something special for her, but her favorite dish is beans and rice. She is not hard to please, but she doesn't like chocolate. (everyone has some sort of quirk, right?) She does love pineapple upside down cake, which is ironic since she just gave me a ten pound tray of pineapple that I home canned! I just wanted to say that Nanamee is one of the millions of blessings in my life and one that makes my life special no matter what I am facing.

More good news today, someone I love dearly called and told me that he and his family are getting to move back home to Salt Lake. I am so happy for them, they are the most wonderful family, always thinking about us. I met him when he was a rosy-cheeked Mormon missionary about 30 years ago. He is very successful today, and his wife is so precious. They have two children, and they are a very fortunate family, full of love, faith and compassion. I am so happy to know that they are going to be able to live where they have wanted for so long.

Third surprise: tonight as I was making my usual cookie jar search on Ebay, (I don't want to miss anything special, meaning cheap) I came across a cookie jar like the one on my fireplace. My sweet sister-in-law gave it to me last year, and it has special meaning because not only is it a cookie jar, it is a pig, and I love both. It is very old, you can tell from the paint, and I have always loved having it in the living room. It reminds me of the love of my family. Anyway, there it was, on Ebay. It is just second nature to glance at the price of these cookie jars, most of them are out of my price range, but once in awhile I find a real bargain, so I glance and go back to the search. I glanced at the price of this cookie jar and almost choked. The price was 800.00 dollars! I had to go and get my cookie jar to be sure it was the same, and sure enough, it was. I called my Sister-in-law and told her, and then said that I would understand if she wanted it back. She could not have known the value when she gave it to me. She said "Of course not! Life is good, you never know what you will come across!" She and my brother and the girls have always been so good to me, so supportive, and I really would have willingly given it back to her, but now it is more special to me because she did not put a price on our loving relationship. Little piggy cookie jar will stay in the family for sure!

So, that was my day. Kids off to school, a baby to be fed, a trip to Walmart for the essentials, (and by the way, both Martin and I acknowleged the need to be frugal), home to make lunch, Martin off to work, Little Joe and I lying down for a nap, kids getting off the bus and Nanamee coming to visit. The rest, is history!